Question about the nature of denial

What are some ways to get over denial?

It seems that every time I start to get 'worse' I start to believe that I don't need medical attention anymore. I know from prior experience that it's important for me to take care of myself but I feel like there is a conspiracy against me when I start to get this way. (aka being a product of big pharm) My pdoc said I should ask others to see what they do to get over this. She told me to go back when I'm ready.

I'm going to continue with the treatment. I talked to my dad and he was explaining to me how it's a continual problem that I always have to take care of. Logically I know this, fully. I know the consequences of my actions when I don't take care of myself. (Much more angrier, irritable, a bit delusional) I just need some insight on how to take care of myself better in this regard.

I do this 2-3 times a year. I need to figure out how to snap out of it and stop doing it over and over. It always ends up in instability.

>>>>> I feel like there is a conspiracy against me when I start to get this way. (aka being a product of big pharm) My pdoc said I should ask others to see what they do to get over this. She told me to go back when I'm ready. <<<<<<<<<

Sounds like paranoid delusions. I can't believe your Pdoc said to ask others and didn't help you, then just told you to come back when you're ready?...

See a Tdoc for help with thought stopping techniques. Your mind is playing tricks on you... make sure you are taking an antipsychotic and perhaps it needs increased a bit.
I'm not a doc, just giving my 2 cents. Take what you like and leave the rest.

I guess it was out of context.

She told me that ultimately its my choice and if I associate her with big pharm then what she says won't change my mind. Which is true. However, she was very up front about the medication I'm taking and which is and isn't associated w/big pharm. (The zyprexa being the only one)

Honestly your comment came off as more confrontational. :\

Ooyy, soooooo sorry, I really didn't mean to be.... I'm blunt sometimes without realizing it.....again sorry

One thing that helped me in that kind of situation was a suggestion from my T. She said when you're in good shape, write a page or two about what you think you should and/or shouldn't do when you're in worse shape. Advice to yourself from one mood to another. Then, when you feel yourself sliding into the bad situation, take out your essay and read it over.

I did that. It was quite strange. Really. While I was okay I wrote out these long instructions to myself about what to do (and not to do) when I'm sliding down the slope. A month later I started sliding. I took out the essay (it's just a computer file) and read it. You know, it was really strange. Without that essay, I would never have remembered to do or not do any of the things I had listed and discussed in the essay! Somehow, in that one month, on that slippery slope, I had forgotten all the stuff I'd written down!

Well, of course I told T and we discussed it. I did the things I had advised myself to do in the essay and managed to avoid most of the really stupid things I do when I'm messed up. It really came in handy. It's just amazing what you can forget!

Thank you, that sounds really helpful. I am going to try that....although I need to wait until I'm in better shape.

Right now if I wrote anything it would be too skewed, probably. I think I am going to make an appointment with my T and work on a plan, though.

>>>>>>>>>>Ooyy, soooooo sorry, I really didn't mean to be.... I'm blunt sometimes without realizing it.....again sorry

It's okay. I was really upset about it this afternoon but then I remembered that delusions and paranoia are typically the tip off that I'm becoming hypomanic? manic? depressed?

:\ I have to apologize to my pdoc.

Loved Ygrec's idea
Something I'd add to that is write down what happens when you don't take your meds!!!
For me its pretty predictable (I know cos I've gone off them so many times ) and eventually I got the point that I know I'm better off taking them regularly and I actually do it!!!!
Couple of other ideas: maybe your meds need to be tweaked - It's harder to take them when they are not working properly...
And... for me I had to accept that I was worthy of being healthy and happy - at times not taking meds was a self destructive thing because I had low self worth and hated myself... seeing a T really helped me with that

Since you mentioned your dad, you are probably young, and you probably have a supportive dad. Both things are blessings. You should learn as much as you can about the kindling theory. Unattended episodes make it easier for new episodes to "kindle", so going off the meds (or being on poorly prescribed meds) is ultimately very dangerous for you, because more rapid, faster-kindling attacks are MUCH harder to treat, so you may come to a point when medication can do only that much. It is established now that Bipolar is best treated early. Take advantage of your age, get treatment now, smoothly and consistently!!

Or look at my story. My mother had Bipolar I. My dad was in denial that I may have inherited it, even though he is a mathematician and as such was perfectly able to comprehend the research finding about the statistics of heredity. My other relatives also were either in denial or did not give a f*** damn about my life. No one warned me, no one suggested I see a pdoc, no one researhed the early signs and told me to be on the lookout for them. My dad is still defensive and thinks that he did the right thing. But I "remember him with an unkind word" every time I rapid cycle, realizing that my diagnosis came eons later, correct treatment even later than was possible and optimal. And now even correct treatment has limited efficacy. I am very bitter about it.

So call your dad, say "thank you" (I hope I am not being condescending, I am just trying to use my story as a chance to turn you around while it is not too late), go back to the pdoc, say that you want to straighten things out now and get out of rapid kindling, and get on with your life. You will be just fine, with time. Good luck!

I am already. I emailed my pdoc and decided to stay on my meds. She was also right, the higher dose leaves me to feel less suspicious, but I'm afraid my fuse has shortened and I keep reading people the wrong way which makes me mad for no reason.

I was hospitalized 2 1/2 years ago. Both of my parents have been very supportive.

I have never heard of the kindle theory before this, though.

Glad to hear all that. Keep it up.

Just another vote for full-out treatment when you're young. I was 63 when they finally figured out it wasn't just depression, the dx since I was 8. No wonder the meds never worked , eh?