Parts of this are very likely triggering, therefore icon.

I'm on a mood stabilizer. In the past, been on ADs alone (mis-dx'd by GP w/ disasterous results). One of them was not particularly problematic (as least so far as I can recall in the blur of that time). It was the last one I took myself off of.

Now recent timeframe. On Lamictal (3 yrs). Psych had me up to 400mg. Over last 1 1/2 months, I (w/o authorization, but did admit in the midst of doing so) tapered it down to 200mg, w/o negative effect. Been trolling the bottom of the mood chart for sooo long at either dose, it doesn't matter, so why take more, you know? A couple of times, much prior to this, I'd asked her about adding on AD, but she said no. (Guesses as to why: past AD experience and hoping mood stabilizer dosage adjustment would do the trick.)

A few weeks back, I finally got pretty honest admitting how bad it is. And it shook her up pretty badly. I'm going to ask again next week because I am so desperate - it's come to the point of being tempted to take BF's leftover ADs (one I've never been on, so it'd be a total crapshoot, not to mention knowing it is totally wrong, so I won't, but...). I'm afraid that in asking again she will say no again, but this time out of fear that if I come up, I will have energy to act. I don't think I would. I just really need to be able to deal and function. I've given up hope of ever being able to do so again.

I'll ask her again (and admit the previously-unmentioned temptations on the leftovers) and just flat out ask her reasoning this time. I know this sounds ****** up, but I will only let her say why and if she doesn't say the reason I think it is, I won't mention it for fear of putting it in her mind. Like it wouldn't be already, right? Not sure what I hope to accomplish with this long-winded post, guess it's just wondering if others have had this kind of thinking or experience with psychs actually verbalizing such reasoning for saying no.

Hope this post isn't too weird.

[Detach]

Along with my mood stabilizer and antipsychotics I'm also on an antidepressant...even with my recent manic episode they just reduced it to the lowest therapeutic dose, but didn't eliminate it. Pdoc is too scared too he said because I have had severe depression in the past with a suicide attempt...

If your Pdoc put you on an antidepressant you may need to increase mood stabilizer or go on other meds to prevent from going into mania...

I recently asked my Pdoc for an antidepressant and was also told no. I have a long history with ad's causing mania, psychosis, and rapid cycling all while being on mood stabilizers. I am guessing this is why he said no. I took the no but was extremely frustrated as I felt I was falling into a black hole. I ended up ramping up the vitamins, exercise, yoga, meditation, and forcing a normal routine , it was really hard to pull off but in the end I came out of it.

If I were you I would ask again, and I would ask why, no harm in asking. It sounds like you have been down for so long and doing everything you can to pull through. I was tempted to take left over ad's I had at home, I told my pdoc this and still got a no. I didn't do it in the end but I know the temptation. You don't want to be doing that, as you could really end up worse off. I'm just wishing you the courage to ask again for what you feel you need, and I hope you can find a way out of this soon.

[AbeIsAbe]

I can't be on an antidepressant. i've tried. Makes me manic within first couple days of taking it. That could be why.

Dijmart, did your Pdoc not want to increase your AD above minimum because of it having caused severe depression? Or to keep it in balance with the others? Or both maybe?

Yeah, Anika, I've been frustrated with the prior "no"s and wish I'd asked why, though her having upped the Lamictal at various junctures a pretty good indication of her reasoning. I remember your leftover AD temptation clearly. Heh, and I felt hypocritical with my post at that time, and that was before my latest temptation! I definitely WILL ask again, and am not afraid to do so. (I'm so glad the yoga is doing such great things for you!!! )

AbeIsAbe, yeah, see, I don't really know. I've never had an AD WITH a mood stabilizer. They were really a mixed bag by themselves (different ones at various dosages and combos). At the time I was taking them, I didn't know about BP. Looking back I realize that one definitely sent me hypo (memorably dancing on the counters in the middle of the night scrubbing the cabinets, singing all over the place, shouting, "OMG, they've got my old record collection!" anyone? Besides that I felt WAY too good only 2 days into taking it... (clue much?!) Another was an UNMITIGATED disaster, sending me rapid cycling with some of the most disturbing action-filled severe depressions --along with "physical hallucinations" (the only way I can describe them -- feeling physically shoved to step out into traffic) and the worst mixed I've ever had. It was hell, and was on it for quite some time, not making the connection. Once I had it down to the one that seemed ok, I could assess it better with nothing else mixed in. I hesitated coming off it. I'd learned a bit about BP by that time, so knew what I was watching for. THAT is the one I'd be willing to try again. But only WITH mood stabilizer. The others? No way in hell!

Has anyone's prescriber been so blunt as to say that they think it would push you to act? That's kind of my big fear (that she'll say that, not that I would act). Now that I've told her what I have...
To my thinking, it's beyond time to at least experiment. I trust her, but at the same time, I realistically know I'm not above experimenting on my own if it comes to that. I can't keep existing this way.

[Secretum]

((Innerzone)). I hope that you and your pdoc find a way to help your depression lift soon. Thanks for being so supportive of everyone here while dealing with your own serious depression. Your post isn't weird at all; you have a valid problem and question.

I don't know if you're already on it/ afraid to go on it due to side effects, but I've read that seroquel is really good for treating bipolar depression. Perhaps your pdoc could prescribe that instead of a "real" antidepressant.

Jim Phelps, a psychiatrist specializing in bipolar, wrote this article on alternatives to antidepressants: http://www.psycheducation.org/depres...DwithoutAD.htm

Also, you are not alone with lamictal not being enough to relieve your depression. Though Dr. Phelps recommends it fervently, I've read several times elsewhere that many studies have found it no better than a placebo in treating acute depression!

I really hope that you feel better soon.

[Detach]

>>>>>Dijmart, did your Pdoc not want to increase your AD above minimum because of it having caused severe depression? Or to keep it in balance with the others? Or both maybe?<<<<<<<

AD didn't "cause" my depression. He's not raising AD higher at this time because I was manic recently, not to keep it in balance with other meds.

Example: I was on celexa 20mg for yrs with seroquel and tegretol. During my manic episode celexa was decreased to 10mg, seroquel was increased and tegretol dose stayed the same.

He doesn't want me totally off an AD, because I use to have severe depression. But he has said that going off AD completely is an option, however he's not comfortable doing that at this time.

[sugahorse1]

I also often feel like my pdoc doesn't listen to me. I often end up changing pdocs for that reason. I think it's a difficult one. They are the experts after all. But I do think maybe you need to ask why he is making these decisions. And what kind of progress to expect. If it doesn't materialise, put down a time-frame and ask what the next plan of action is. You need to see results, so don't give up until you are completely happy with the decision and where you are heading. i

[BNLsMOM]

My T has told me that raising or being antidepressants can cause the energy shift needed for someone to act of thoughts if they have been thinking them.

However, I am on Prozac 40 and Wellbutrin 300. I do take Depakote as well so maybe that is holding down mania? I don't know. I went through a lot of mood stabilizers before we tried Depakote.