[hamster-bamster]

I feel better now but still decided to share the feeling.

I am new to the board and was exploring it feverishly yesterday, for almost all day. I got the impression that the median age is low and the mode gender is female (although I have met wonderful men here, old and wise and young and smart). The gender thing is odd because it is not depression - bipolar strikes equally both genders. Or am I reading too much into avatars that seem feminine to me? Or are women more open to sharing and to giving advice and thus constitute the majority of the board? Or am I just plain wrong (I am a woman as I guess my name plainly proves).

I read about breaking up with boyfriends over seemingly small things, about raising little children, about having supportive parents involved in health care decisions, and about being just recently diagnosed, and that gives me a feeling that this board is largely young (with exceptions, of course!!). And I feel plain envious, because I too was bipolar when so young but I was not diagnosed, and my parents denied vehemently that I ever might be bipolar, so I was diagnosed not at 20+ but at 35, first incorrectly with Bipolar II (I am I), first with insufficient treatment, then came gradual loss of a family (I have children and I do not see them), a serious suicide attempt, loss of a spectacular job (I am working now in a modest environment, which is probably a healthy thing for bipolar, I am just counting losses), then time had to pass to get decent treatment that still does not work always (probably partly due to kindling theory - I had too many untreated episodes so now my episodes kindle all too easily - big thanks for family members who did not even suggest I go see a pdoc two decades ago despite awful genetic history). So I am now 40 and just figuring things out, just starting to do mood charting and to organize my day according to circadian rhythms, and have some structure, and catch my hypomania before it becomes full blown mania. And I feel old and doomed.

[Lauru]

Right there with ya. Same history, same diagnosis, and I am 39 years old. But, I am at the best place of my life. I am liking my late 30's. The rest of my past life has completely sucked. I also am in Northern California. I wish I had been healthy during my teens and 20's. I do feel like I lost those years completely. Sometimes I feel robbed, ya know? But, I am with a wonderful partner, I have a great job, and I am managing my Bipolar I. And my OCD. Really, I can't ask for more. Sending you good thoughts. And we are not old. We are ripe. like a peach. At the peak of our existence.

I am 32, single mother raising a 12,11, and 10 year old. I am curious about the age on here as well. And yes sometimes it's hard to tell by an avatar alone weather male or female. I don't think 40 is old at all, I think that's just getting to the good stuff.

[~Christina]

Im 44 and just diagnosed this year with BiPolar I ... Looking back knowing I am BiPolar does explain SOOOOOOO many things and reactions I had in the past. I am very blessed to have found my Therapist HE was the one that was able to see patterns in my life that were like screaming neon lights in the past.. In the past I was always just told " your depressed" heres an antidepressant.

So years of misdiagnosis and numerous " breakdowns" I finally have a Therapist I completly trust to help me find my way and learn better coping skills and is just the only one in my life that actually understands me. I feel blessed to finally getting the correct treatment for something that has made my life mostly a living hell until this year and the correct treament. I have a long way to go and I havent even gotten to a " stable " place yet ..I rapid cycle so im up down and all around all day everday .. But ..... I at least have some hope that eventually ill smooth out and have some more " normal days"

I think this board has a good mixture of women , men ,young and older .

Wishing you some Peace and Love and hugs

[Charlie_J]

Hi Natalya

I am 35 and just diagnosed with Bipolar 1. Just to echo Lauru about feeling robbed of your younger years - that is so true! And I lose so much heart when people talk about what they've accomplished, because my experience of undiagnosed, untreated bipolar is of constant devastating disruption. I haven't even had a partner that lasted a cycle, never mind a job. I'm lucky not to be homeless, and that's thanks to my mother.

Perhaps now though there is hope for the future. Maybe.

[Yoda]

I am 52 y/o. Diagnosed at 40.

[kindachaotic]

I'm 54 & dx at 36.
Think we can all learn & give each other support.

[roads]

I'm 65, female, diagnosed at 8 clinically depressed--at 63 bipolar II. Since my folks sought the dx at 8, they would have supported whatever--mom knew family was messed up (depression, alcoholism both sides).

I remember the child psychiatrist they found through the school system. She was a heavy smoker and choked/coughed her way through the interview. I was worried she was going to stroke out (don't think I knew that term tho). I'm sure finding her (much less deciding to come forward in our small town in 1950s FL & seek help for me) could not have been easy.

Getting a second opinion might have been nice, tho.

[AniManiac]

I'm 33, dx'd clinically depressed at age 13, and still awaiting a formal dx but all signs point to bipolar II.

[NuckingFutz]

I'm a 49 year old Jewish, lesbian, US Veteran with bipolar... yeah, we are all individuals with differences about ourselves as well as our ages.

Saw something the other day that grabbed me about the bipolar diagnosis... it takes so long to diagnose because our pdocs don't see us all that frequently and it is hard to diagnose behavior within that 50 minute time frame every few months. It's hard to catch for sure. You almost have to show up in a manic state to be diagnosed. Me, I just went to jail for shoplifting (and didn't need to steal) when I was diagnosed.

It takes a while, but once you are on the right treatment for you, it feels so much better doesn't it?

Although we may have a base, the people you have stuff in common with will come and join you in things (like this here thread).

Hope this helps.

I am 52. Diagnosed at 51.

[dragonfly2]

I'm 41, had my first hospitalization for depression at age 14, but wasn't finally dx'd with bipolar until age 30. I've had my share of successes and setbacks. Lost my kids to the state for a while about a year and a half after my youngest was born (primarily due to the Postpartum OCD that set in, but the bipolar made it even worse; I never hurt anyone, but got caught in a witch hunt more or less). I've been on disability twice, and am on it currently. But I've been fortunate enough to have a career and a long-term marriage, the second of which is still intact, so all in all I guess I've fared as well as I could in my situation.

I am fortunate that my parents acknowledged that something was wrong when I was a teenager, but I remember being very depressed and having some PTSD issues as a young child due to an accident. But back then, kids "didn't get depressed". (Roadrunner, I think that's amazing that your parents got you into treatment at such a young age, especially in the 50's.) I think we now have an opportunity to make things easier for our own children, getting them into treatment sooner than we were able to. My 13 yr old has been in treatment for years now and we're keeping a close eye on my 10 yr old who has shown some signs of bipolar.

The one thing I really wish had been different back then was the availability of the internet, and especially forums like this one. If I had been able to talk to other people going through the same things when I was 14, things may have turned out differently for me and my family. But all we can do from here is move forward.

[SunAngel]

I am 48 and was diagnosed with wrong things in my early 20's and early 30's. It took them a while to see what was actually going on with me. I was diagnosed with BP in my mid-30's.

My family didn't like the fact that I had mental illnesses because of the stigma that went along with it so I didn't get any type of help until my early 20's, but was misdiagnosed.

You are not old. Life begins at 40 because you are wiser and can deal with life's situations better.

I am going to be 50 in 2 years. I hate that fact, but now I notice that I don't let things get to me much anymore, so I am going to embrace 50 when it comes along.

[missbelle]

I am 67 dx with major depression 22 years ago and have a 31 year old bipolar daughter...(She is my youngest.....both her and my son age 39 have dealt with alcohol issues and both "just for today" are sober)

[crazy24/7]

Originally Posted by Natalya

I feel better now but still decided to share the feeling.

I am new to the board and was exploring it feverishly yesterday, for almost all day. I got the impression that the median age is low and the mode gender is female (although I have met wonderful men here, old and wise and young and smart). The gender thing is odd because it is not depression - bipolar strikes equally both genders. Or am I reading too much into avatars that seem feminine to me? Or are women more open to sharing and to giving advice and thus constitute the majority of the board? Or am I just plain wrong (I am a woman as I guess my name plainly proves).

I'm not sure about the median age here on this site, but the median age for onset of bipolar disorder symptoms is 21. The average time from onset of symptoms to correct diagnosis and treatment is 10 years. I think women are more likely to share their stories/opinions, but I guess, because I am a woman, I am biased, too!

Originally Posted by Natalya

I was not diagnosed, and my parents denied vehemently that I ever might be bipolar, so I was diagnosed not at 20+ but at 35, first incorrectly with Bipolar II (I am I), first with insufficient treatment, then came gradual loss of a family (I have children and I do not see them), a serious suicide attempt, loss of a spectacular job (I am working now in a modest environment, which is probably a healthy thing for bipolar, I am just counting losses), then time had to pass to get decent treatment that still does not work always (probably partly due to kindling theory - I had too many untreated episodes so now my episodes kindle all too easily - big thanks for family members who did not even suggest I go see a pdoc two decades ago despite awful genetic history). So I am now 40 and just figuring things out, just starting to do mood charting and to organize my day according to circadian rhythms, and have some structure, and catch my hypomania before it becomes full blown mania. And I feel old and doomed.

You are not doomed, I hope! I was diagnosed at age 43. I had symptoms since I was a teenager and no one in my family thought to suggest I see a doctor despite the fact my Dad is bipolar!! Much suffering ensued. I finally crashed after years of escalating stress into a incredibly severe depression that required hospitalization and heavy duty treatment. After a suicide attempt, I was treated with a heavy duty antidepressant that flipped me to a manic state and I came out of it pregnant with my third daughter at age 45!! I lost custody of her to her father because of my illness...he exploited it to the nth degree. Since then I have worked slowly and painfully to the place I am now...functional but still in recovery phase. I am 51. I don't know what my future entails. I pretty much live day to day...isn't that called "mindfulness" and don't many people aspire to that state? Ha HA!! A small spark of hope took place about 2 years ago and it has grown to a steady, but small, flame. I just have to learn to live within the parameters of my illness. It sounds like you are on the right road.

[Fresia]

I was diagnosed with depression at 10 and wasn't diagnosed with BP until 29 despite the symptoms being present, and am now age 40. Some if it was my doing as I only ever talked about the depressive symptoms and only went in when depressed. I never knew that hypomanic symptoms were an issue, to me they were great compared to the depression; I would be more functioning than with the depression and did not want this taken away. This delayed a correct diagnosis for me for years until it could not be hidden. It saved me in the end when a doc figured it out.

Age feels relative to me as some days I feel so much older than I am and others not so much so, feeling so small, clueless, and insignificant. So much happens in life, all the ups and down, more downs though. However, have also learned how short life can be no matter how old one is. So for that reason I just think of it as I am blessed with a few more years of experience that I have learned from, but have MUCH more to learn every day to be as wise as those who are years ahead. Can only hope. I also hope from one day to the next I'll have that opportunity to discover what's next and get a chance for those new experiences.

I hope you find what brings you comfort and balance no matter what age, is a beautiful thing.

[BNLsMOM]

I am 37 and was diagnosed almost three years ago. I didn't take that diagnosis seriously so I went another few months before I sought help. I lived from the age of 19 (though I suspect earlier) with ups and downs and never knew it was a problem. College was great for the first two years because I think I was hypomanic. After school was done I just thought I was lazy for quitting more than 50 jobs, and I never knew why I always wanted to move to a new apartment. I think I thought that moving would fix what I was feeling. I have been hospitalized 6 times since my diagnosis and probably should have been a few times pre diagnosis. I do look back at my 20s and early 30s and sometimes feel that I lost those years, but I am in treatment now and I hope that my future will be better.

I am 48 and was diagnosed about 5 years ago. I'm fairly stable now, but the past few years have been really difficult. You are not doomed. Things generally become more routine and I am definitely more stable now that I'm on the right med combination.

[xp1155]

I am 30. I have had depression all my life, but never recognized the mania due to anxiety and PTSD. From 19 until a few months ago, I was misdiagnosed with depression and anxiety. I now know I have mixed episodic rapid cycling bipolar disorder, anxiety, and lingering PTSD.

[catrules]

37 here, diagnosed at 34.

[gma45]

Don't feel bad, life is what it is! I am 54 and don't think I have ever been correctly diagnosed. I never liked Doctors so I tried to stay away from them. I was hospitalized when I was in my teens for depression always been a drug abuser with lots of ups and downs. But I managed to raise two biological children now 25 and 21 and a few step children along the way and others that turned out to be great individuals. I am proud of that. I always figured I am what I am and not just a diagnosis! I figure life is a learning experience and I am still learning as I am still here trying to learn to live in the moment! I still have friends from grade school also friends with the X so I guess I didn't burn to many bridges! Trying hard to not take ME to serious! Life is good if I let it be!

[nacht]

30 years old, diagnosed with depression at 13 and never took medication for it because "kids don't get depression" and the therapist my parents found assumed that it was brought on by the cross-state move we'd made a year and a half beforehand. I have a lot of problems with anxiety and always have. I think that it may have masked my manias, plus I have physical symptoms during depression so that's the kind of thing I'd go to the doctor for. I didn't actually get diagnosed bipolar until I was 24. I've been hospitalized before, yes, but what feels worse to me is my unemployment. I have had so much trouble finding and keeping a job. I don't think I've had one longer than two years since I left school.

Reading through the posts also confirms that I am one of the younger people here, something I'm not used to being on message boards.

[nacht]

Oh and I can tell you that out of everyone who has answered with their age so far the median age is 44 years old

[Moose72]

I am 39. Female. Have 3 kids who are 14, 12 and 10. I was diagnosed at 34. I was diagnosed with depression at 25. Not diagnosed with anything before even though I first saw a psychiatrist at 16. I had signs of bp between 1999 and 2006 when I was diagnosed yet that pdic could only see PPD. Right before I was diagnosed bp I was diagnosed with PMDD. (ie crazy from my cycle!)

[tcmoon52]

Originally Posted by Natalya

I feel better now but still decided to share the feeling.

I am new to the board and was exploring it feverishly yesterday, for almost all day. I got the impression that the median age is low and the mode gender is female (although I have met wonderful men here, old and wise and young and smart). The gender thing is odd because it is not depression - bipolar strikes equally both genders. Or am I reading too much into avatars that seem feminine to me? Or are women more open to sharing and to giving advice and thus constitute the majority of the board? Or am I just plain wrong (I am a woman as I guess my name plainly proves).

I read about breaking up with boyfriends over seemingly small things, about raising little children, about having supportive parents involved in health care decisions, and about being just recently diagnosed, and that gives me a feeling that this board is largely young (with exceptions, of course!!). And I feel plain envious, because I too was bipolar when so young but I was not diagnosed, and my parents denied vehemently that I ever might be bipolar, so I was diagnosed not at 20+ but at 35, first incorrectly with Bipolar II (I am I), first with insufficient treatment, then came gradual loss of a family (I have children and I do not see them), a serious suicide attempt, loss of a spectacular job (I am working now in a modest environment, which is probably a healthy thing for bipolar, I am just counting losses), then time had to pass to get decent treatment that still does not work always (probably partly due to kindling theory - I had too many untreated episodes so now my episodes kindle all too easily - big thanks for family members who did not even suggest I go see a pdoc two decades ago despite awful genetic history). So I am now 40 and just figuring things out, just starting to do mood charting and to organize my day according to circadian rhythms, and have some structure, and catch my hypomania before it becomes full blown mania. And I feel old and doomed.

I was DX'D at 43. I went to doctors for years and in the 70's was told I was a Hypochondriac. I was just describing panic disorder and Bipolar. It wasn't until I had a full blown mania at 43 that my primary care Doc, dx'd me. I didn't get a Psychiatrist for the first 7 years, big mistake. It took my Psychiatrist about 3 years to find the right combo of meds that also included SSDI. My life is very quiet and simple today. I love it. I still struggle with the ups and downs, but they are not daily as they were for years. I am 59 now, live in a little mobile about 2 blocks from the beach in Northern California. I had my own business for 20+ years and have no idea how I made it work. My life was a mess in my teens, twenties, thirties and forties, but now I am medicated properly, and with the help of on going Psycotherapy, my life is as good as it will most likely get. Many of my problems were created by my resistance and reluctance to be DX'D Bipolar and take my meds. The side effects of meds are difficult to live with. I know I have had too many losses as a result of this illness to even count. Today I live with lowered expectations and acceptance, I have createdd a simple life and I am at peace with it all most of the time. I never thought I would get to this place thank God I did. Tom