I've been hesitant to post all that much about how I've been doing for awhile now on account of feeling guilty for making you all sick of hearing about it, being as relentless and deep as it's been. But especially because I've been such a giant drag for so very long now, I want to report (finally!) some good news. Yesterday, had a decent day. Today, woke up and only stayed in bed for an hour (this is actually good...there have been some 6 1/2 and 7 1/2 hour days lately). This is significant because mornings are the hardest part of the day mood-wise for me. (If things are going to improve, they do so at night.)

I keep a mood chart (having no sense of time, it helps), and yesterday rated a mere -1 from neutral. Haven't had that since July(!) I'm certainly not going to call it anything yet (I don't micro-analyze every little shift), but as you can imagine, am hoping it continues, as in coming up to even a -1, I can function.

No idea why. Not going to question it. Just going to ride it as long as it lasts. Will be glad for the sheer relief of it, even if it turns out to be only short-lived. (Though hoping it is long!)

[espritlibre]

So glad to hear things seem to be getting better for you, Innerzone. I hope it lasts as long as possible! :-)

OMG, I KNOW, right?! I was just outside for a smoke and broke into a big smile and teared up! That's how big a relief it is to even hit a -1!
(How sad is it that I've considered -2s (3 being bottom of barrel), as "pretty good" for so long?! )

And I'd really like to thank everyone here on PC for their exceeding patience and support putting up with me awaiting such a moment! Major league love to you all!

[Miss Laura]

Good for you Inner

Innerzone, I really really hope this lasts!!!! You should never feel guilty or like a burden here tho, you're words here to me really help me a lot, even tho I know you are struggling yourself.

And just YAY!!! I am so freaking excited for you!!! You are such a doll, and you truely deserve some happiness! <3

To give you a better idea of the magnitude, it just occured that I should probably clarify my mood chart ratings. Though there are technically 3 numbers on it, I use it as if there are 5 or 6 by marking on lines between. After all, there is a loooong way between simply depressed and bottom of barrel!!! (So, what I referred to as -3 is actually a -5 or -6). Hope that makes more sense.

[Charlie_J]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

... on account of feeling guilty for making you all sick of hearing about it, being as relentless and deep as it's been. But especially because I've been such a giant drag for so very long now...

Please don't think like that. If your depressions last for ages, they last for ages. You're here in this place because we all understand how that feels perfectly. Honestly, being able to identify with someone else is a large part of why I keep coming back here. None of us are alone.

And on the other hand, I'm really glad that you're feeling better. The sheer relief of feeling a depression like that begin to lift is amazing. I really hope that it continues for you.

[Detach]

Innerzone,
Glad to hear you're feeling better. ((((hugs)))) Do you think your meds need adjusting if you're depressed so often? or is it just the way it is for you even w/ meds?... I wish you happiness from this day forward. Glad you posted!!

[BNLsMOM]

I am glad you feel better Innerzone. It's such a relief.

[Trippin2.0]

Very happy for you IZ! I hope it c0ntinues, you deserve s0me happiness and laughter in your life!!

[kindachaotic]

For Heaven Sakes! Don't feel guilty. We love good/great news as much as you would if it was someone else on here.

May this continue long term as you deserve it many times over!!!

Originally Posted by dijmart

...Do you think your meds need adjusting if you're depressed so often? or is it just the way it is for you even w/ meds?...

I have had adjustments periodically, some effective, some not. Did one myself recently (tapered and yes, told) and since it didn't really seem to make a difference, I was still in experimental mode (will include psych in process...). Think I will wait it out a bit now though, and see where this goes. I've got BP II that was untreated for about 25 years, and yes, it'd definitely gotten worse. Meds didn't come into the picture till a few years ago, when things had gotten really bad with cycling more extreme and the depressive modes lasting ridiculously long. So meds have been on an uphill battle from the start, with having (unwittingly) let it get to a hard-to-treat state. So yeah, I do spend a considerable amount of time depressed regardless.

It's also worth noting that I had a really trying year, which didn't help, but neither do I think this can be chalked up to situational. (Traditionally, a majority of episodes have come out of the blue for me.) Looking back over the mood charts, I have had a few pretty good spells (none in last few months though...), and in fact was pretty solid when the **** hit the fan. So... meh on situational. If the brain wiring cooperates... that's the key...

[AniManiac]

Innerzone, so glad you're feeling better! I hope it lasts longer than you've become accustomed to - every time I feel good, in the back of my head, I'm thinking "what goes up must come down" but I never think, "what goes down must come up" because gravity doesn't work that way...

OK, so maybe that's a bit silly - I'm just saying, although it's easy to be pessimistic given the nature of things, hold on to the optimism as hard and long as you can.

Innerzone, it's so nice to hear that you are feeling better. It seems like this episode has lasted a long time for you. I know what you mean about not wanting to post or message, I tend to feel the same way. I tend to want to share by posts or messaging when I am balanced or up because I feel the need to be uplifting for others. I hope you continue to do well and will get better and better every day. Sending good thoughts your way.

Thanks, Dobie Well, 3 whole days now of just under neutral(!) So far so good! Even went out to do a little fun thing tonight (see a big Halloween display).

You're very welcome Innerzone. How nice that you were able to get out and enjoy yourself for a while. Hopefully you will continue to do well so you can enjoy more nice activities. Cross fingers and knock on wood...lol.