[Trippin2.0]

I've bec0me such a whiner. Before dx 2yrs ago, i was perfectly capable of handling life, even with my erratic m0ods. N0w I whine,c0mplain and seek support for every little thing. I'm irrifreakingtated by EVERYTHING today, i'm agitated, restless and have cold sweats. And N0 I will n0t be calling a doctor, and i'm n0t going back on my meds. i've been through worse. There's no point to this rant, d0n't feel obligated to resp0nd...

[BNLsMOM]

You could be feeling the withdrawal symptoms. Even if you taper, you'll probably feel it a little.

Asking for support is a very strong thing to do. It is not at all weak. It feels like it because we let another person carry the heavy load for a while and it might have been something that you carried for so long that you don't know how to feel without it. I am not saying that this is what is happening to you, but I have experienced it.

[Trippin2.0]

I think that's it! I'm used to doing this on my own, n0w i feel so co-dependant... Ugh I really can't stand myself today!

[BNLsMOM]

I have the same feelings sometimes because I simply cannot do anything and I rely on others to help me and get me through. My T says that it takes support and a village, because we have so many responsibilities in life that it is just too much to handle alone.

I have a hard time asking for support because I don't want to burden anyone, but when I get the nerve up to ask I find that people are happy to support me and I can get some of the responsibilities off my shoulders so that I can come back even stronger.

[Trippin2.0]

I get what you're saying. C0mpletely. But i feel like i've lost my edge, my strength. I c0mplain about EVERYTHING, want my hand held for EVERYTHING I feel so weak, like being dx'd made it worse somehow. Ign0rance was bliss...

[Trippin2.0]

Argh I JUST WANT TO SCREAM!!

[BNLsMOM]

I totally get that. I remember a time when I was fearless, made decisions on my own, went where I wanted, stayed up all night. I had so much strength, and a world view. I had dreams and beliefs and I had no reason to think that I wouldn't acheive my dreams. When I started the episode that lead to my diagnosis, that stuff started to float away from me.

I feel like I am left, a burned shell of a building after a fire. I am finally, after almost three years, feel like I want to find myself again. Call it cliche, but I think it's time to be a phoenix rising from the ashes of the last few years. It isn't goiing to be easy, so I'll ask for help along the way.

I am thinking that there was some episode or feeling that led to your diagnosis. I feel that mine was a long and complicated one with episodes within episodes, and it will take a long time to fully heal from that. I am wondering if this is the case for you too. We need crutches while the broken leg heals.

[kindachaotic]

If you want to scream go ahead! As loud & long as you need to. If you need to have a long cry, do that too.
It is nothing to be ashamed of!
Keep posting, we are here for you.

[Trippin2.0]

I had severe outbursts and episodes after my brother was murdered... Found this place just before dx and i didn't feel so alone. But nearly 2 yrs later I feel powerless, like i rely on you guys way too much... Idk, maybe i'm just having a rough day... Thanks for input tho, it's been helpful :-)

[BNLsMOM]

Pillows are great for screaming into. They also don't mind if you beat the heck out of them.

[Trippin2.0]

Thanks hun, but my daughter thinks i'm weird en0ugh LOL. Will fight the urge...

[BNLsMOM]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

I had severe outbursts and episodes after my brother was murdered... Found this place just before dx and i didn't feel so alone. But nearly 2 yrs later I feel powerless, like i rely on you guys way too much... Idk, maybe i'm just having a rough day... Thanks for input tho, it's been helpful :-)

So you have a major trauma. I am so sorry for your loss. That's hard to take and will take a long time to heal from. You'll never forget him, but the pain will feel less sharp over time. Of course you need people to rely on, this is a big thing.

And having rough days it totally allowed, bipolar or not. Try to be kind to yourself today.

[BNLsMOM]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Thanks hun, but my daughter thinks i'm weird en0ugh LOL. Will fight the urge...

I have to admit, i have never screamed into the pillow even though my T said it helps. He picked one up in his office and screamed right into it. It was pretty funny.

[Trippin2.0]

Thank you I'm trying. Just wish I knew I could do it on my own... Being needy is so n0t my style...

[Trippin2.0]

Funny? Well then maybe it's n0t a bad idea... LOL

[BNLsMOM]

How about reframing that statement. instead of using the words "being needy", maybe you could say, "open to receive help", and see if it changes the thought...I don't know, I am just pulling out a little of my DBT. I'll lay off now. Too much coffee this morning...

[Trippin2.0]

That's actually a freaking BRILLIANT idea! I'll give it a go, Thanks!

[Trippin2.0]

I'm FREAKING aggro today... Feel like lashing out,n0w i rather LITERALLY bite my tongue instead!

[sugahorse1]

Morning Trippin!
Go easy on yourself. Take a walk, go window shopping.
I hear you when you say you are fed up about being needy. I feel that only therapy can help you 're-wire' the way you thing about things. You're starting a new job - I hope they will cover your medical insurance.

[Trippin2.0]

Morning Suga. I'll be temping for a few m0nths, so no medical. We'll see what the new year brings...

[Inedible]

My job is through a temp agency (Sedona) and I buy my medical coverage for myself and my wife through them. I have heard that Kelly and Axcess Staffing are both temp agencies that offer medical coverage. Cambridge TEMPositions didn't.

There is a difference to being numb to your needs - and letting them go untended - and finally recognizing that they are there, being untended. Now that you know you can do something about it. It is like that pins and needles sensation when the blood goes back into your limbs after they have "gone to sleep". It can hurt, but the last thing you want to do is cut off the circulation again. Same thing.

[Trippin2.0]

Thanks inedible. Just realized i'm scared to death of starting work tomorrow. What if i mess up? My self-c0nfidence is nil... Wish i was hypomanic... Lord help me... You guys have been so w0nderful, letting me b!tch and m0an like this.

[sugahorse1]

Please let us know how tomorrow goes. Holding thumbs; sure it'll be ok. Enjoy - at least you won't be bored