Just sad...

.... it is not like things were not going right. They are. But yesterday it somehow hit me. I am in those deep deep places again, somehow removed from the world...

Yesterday it was "sad, but alright"... today I am starting feeling it is NOT alright... here I am thinking, it gets better, but it does NOT. I will always feel like this. I will always have these moments.

There are times when I can take "it" more easily. I can be down, but still have faith in humanity and that there is sense in this all. At the moment I don't. I don't know what am I doing and whom am I doing it for... and as I watch the news, or simply observe people around me... I get the "I don't wanna live in this world anymore" feeling... because everything seems wrong... so maybe I am just disturbed. Who knows.

I just don't know. I guess all I can do is sit with it and try to find my serene again.

And then... go again, find something to pass the tedious days between now and death. Call it a purpose and make myself believe it is so... eventhough I don't feel anything makes much sense now. Maybe deities created us to watch us as reality show and even they are bored of the trainwreck show right now.

If only I knew this all is for something, that I will matter, that I will make a difference, that there is a purpose. Would be easier. It would still be painful, but it would feel somehow different.

right now... I am not sure about anything. At all.

(((((VenusHalley)))))

Do you have a good friend you could hang out with today?

Do you have any hobbies you could get yourself into?

It seems like you like to write, maybe start a journal and track your ups and downs.

(((Venus))), hang in there. I was raised religious and now I would probably describe myself as a novice buddhist more than anything. Agnostic at best. It's hard sometimes not knowing if there is a point to all of this, but when the days are hard I try to remember that when I have felt that way before it has always eventually passed.
That is the best faith I can give myself, and maybe to you... that as sadness and despair has passed before, so will it pass again. Have faith that the sunlight will shine through the dark clouds once again. I promise it will.
Sometimes it helps me to sit and stare at flowers, or something else beautiful and miraculous in nature. A spider on its web, dewdrops on the grass. It's a form of meditation for me, and it helps to realize that, even if there ISN'T a purpose to it all, it doesn't do a thing to detract from the beauty of what IS. Sometimes it can be enough that beauty exists for no reason at all... which is sort of spectacular. Like artists creating art - it doesn't require a purpose, simply an expression.

Hugs to you hun!!! I pray you feel better real so0n. XOXO

((((( Venus ))))) this too shall pass. I'm wishing for you soon than later. Just remember all your coping skills and the way you deal with damage control. It is just one of the ranges of emotions, you are right. I believe you are important, and I believe you will and already do make a difference.

(((((((Venus))))))) You matter every day dear And you make a big difference, just by being you!! It may not seem a lot if you look at things in masses, but it means the world to people individually. Don't let the chaos of the world overwhelm you - you are you, you have your ground and it's beautiful. And every garden contributes to the breathing of this planet, even if each garden thinks it makes no difference because it can't walk all around the globe...Have faith in yourself and believe in the love that makes us more than stardust

Oh my goodness, you must get better! Your one of my support people, so intelligent, I can tell. I understand, and I am sending you the BEST wishes for comfort and peace!
Hang on, and keep writing! You are a good person, you always help others.

Ah Venus....just having a bad day thats all...as they say "this too shall pass"
I always look at your name when I see it in games etc. You reflect intelligence, passion and youth. Great combination. I will keep looking for what you write!

Hugs;

I hope you feel better soon. I have been questioning my purpose as well and I do believe I can find one, even if it is for my small piece on Earth. I think you can too.

I admire your strength.

Sometimes I wish I could emulate.

I hope you get better Venus.

Venus,

From what we can see even on a poor quality image, you are very beautiful in a dignified, spiritual kind of way. Just look in the mirror. See reason and purpose there.

Thanks muchly everybody. It is greatly appreciated.

feel a bit better now... but it takes time to get back on the track.

YAY! Glad you're starting to feel better.

It is a strange strange place I am in right now... life has its ways of playing with us. But I am in control.... I guess.