[ohlala]

Possible trigger





Does anyone's mind go in this direction?
I told my P-doc about these thoughts I've been having. I'm not sui by any means. I have these generalized thoughts about my mortality. For instance I've been thinking that I really don't have much time left before I die. (I am 54 years old and have had some cardiac issues but I see a cardiologist for testing once a year and it's no big deal). I think about the years of BP issues and how messed up I've been (more on than off) for years. That my "legacy" will be that of a disturbed woman who never found peace in life, only in death. P-doc says these thoughts are an expression of my hopelessness, depression and fatigue. He reassured me that while it is an exhausting task to live with BP and discovering the "correct" combination of meds is a consuming task of trial, error, and adjustment the future will be better and I will experience life in a more positive manner. In other words, there is hope. I'm not obsessed with these thoughts, I just am upset that I have them at all and wish they would go away.

[venusss]

I am 27 (like Amy Winehouse and Janis Joplin were, ya know)... and I get these thoughts as well.

I remember in kindergarden me and couple other friends used to play game called "dying". I was obsessed with death since I can remember. Since my young days I wrote apocalyptic poems. I improved in form, the imagery stays the same. Every other day is an extra and over my time at this moment. I don't plan to go by my own doing at the moment (I am still keeping the option of "bailing out gracefully" open though).

Thing is... I am very much alive and there are times I am enjoying life. I guess thinking "whoa, I am ALIVE" is not normal... but that is how I feel at the moments. Awareness of my own mortality makes life strangely more enjoyable. It is a very comforming thought to me.

I am more worried about others than myself. I hate the thoughts of losing those who are close to me... my life? I don't care all that much about it.
(then again... there are times when I secretly hope for a disaster to strike us all and our civilization dying "like a beautiful flower").

so what I can recommend as somebody who goes "au naturale" route... get in peace with these thoughts and turn them into positive... yes, we will all die, but it means we were alive and it is sorta surreal miracle. For me, I would not want to get rid of this part of me... because life and death are very interconnected to me, just like light and dark.... the ying and yang thing.

[AniManiac]

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

I am more worried about others than myself. I hate the thoughts of losing those who are close to me... my life? I don't care all that much about it.
(then again... there are times when I secretly hope for a disaster to strike us all and our civilization dying "like a beautiful flower").

Me too. When I was a little kid, I would worry incessantly about my parents dying (driving myself to tears and nightmares.) I'm much more concerned about losing my husband, who is a bit older than me, than about my own mortality - I would be so lost without him.

Of course, it doesn't help that I've lost two immediate family members in the last 10 years. But I have always worried (fairly excessively) about my loved ones dying, for as long as I can remember. Is that weird?

[venusss]

Originally Posted by AniManiac

Me too. When I was a little kid, I would worry incessantly about my parents dying (driving myself to tears and nightmares.) I'm much more concerned about losing my husband, who is a bit older than me, than about my own mortality - I would be so lost without him.

Of course, it doesn't help that I've lost two immediate family members in the last 10 years. But I have always worried (fairly excessively) about my loved ones dying, for as long as I can remember. Is that weird?

I lost my father when I was 10. Lost my beloved grandmother in 2004... and still cannot get over that. So yeah, it fuels my fears even further.

I don't know what to do about this and how to deal with it.

[kindachaotic]

Ohlala, have these thoughts also, but only in the past year or two.
I'm 54 also & just attribute it to depression, menopause, stress, ect.
It has become a part of life for me, I don't desire a med change. Just try & enjoy the few things that come our way.
Take care & sending good thoughts your way!

[Trippin2.0]

I've always had these morbid thoughts too. I just go with it, then they start to fade... Been obsessed with dying, and wanting to die (naturally) since i was 15... Every year near my birthday i think 'oh yes this is it' i'm 27 now,and not much has changed and I don't expect it to...

[manicminer]

I seem to chase death or at least try to take things as far as they can go. Polevaulting, bullriding, stunts, driving as fast as my truck or motorcycle can go, getting hit by vehicles, hunting accidents; just to see if i can find something that will kill me. Disappointingly, I have yet to find it...

[happiedasiy]

Wishing death what do you think you will find?
What you have not resolved here will only carry over.
If you have not found peace here, where you have opportunity to learn what you need to learn. There will be no peace in the afterworld
Develope the skills of cleaning your karma
Devote your life to end of suffering now
Be of benefit to others who suffer.
This will bring a clean death and with joyous reward

[missbelle]

I'm 67 and have dealt with my mortality however I try to stuff as much of "life" in on a daily basis. Believe me 54 is not old. My neighbor lives across the hall independently and is 102. She loves life and music. She goes shopping once a week, to the kingdom Hall for her meetings once a week and takes an exercise class three times a week at the senior center. She is ready to go but enjoying her journey!