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Hi everyone my name is tiffany i am 23 years old and the mother of 2 boys 6 years old and 5 months old and am currently 11 weeks pregnant i suffer from bipolar type 1 disorder... so yes as you can tell by reading so far my life is CHAOS to say the least 9 days ago i checked in at a psych hospital after leaving my abusive fiance of 2 years... was like when i left i had extreme feelings of guilt for staying and allowing my 6 year old to see his mom get physically abused.. so much so that he was willing to take actions to protect his mom... when i left however for some reason i cannot understand i missed him and while i was in the hospital which he did not know i was there, i had sort of an enlightenment to let him go... in turn i had a wonderful 7 days of groups and back on wellbutrin and lamictal which doc says is ok for pregnancy... meds im having some side effects and still depression and mania.. mania i dont mind so much but depression i cannot stand... i have children so i need to be active and be a mom but i feel fatigued alot im assuming from meds and being pregnant... But anyway.. i jump topics alot i suppose blame it on the bipolar lol... when i came home i made the mistake of checking my facebook only to find that babys dad/ abusive fiance sent me a ton of hateful horrible emails and one of the last ones was a suicide threat... so i immediately called him which was such a BAD IDEA... he said he wanted to see noah and me so i let him come pick us up and we hung out and he gave me a note apoligizing and wanting to work things out then however he says he wrote that note before i "kept his son from him" which genuinely i did not have my son either my mom did and i was in the hospital.. i did not tell him out of fear of him kidnapping our baby.... anyway we have an apartment together which i stay at my moms now but he offered me to stay there so i had no stress... i had some issues with my mom yesterday so i decided i was going to move back there however when i called to tell him he proceeded to say i was trying to ruin his plans???? and that he needs time... it confuses me that he made it a point to say over and over again i could live there??? i still love him very much which most victims do but i am not sure if this relationship is healthy... im just my thoughts are consumed with him and it is affecting everything from my children to me eating which being pregnant is not a good thing... being on here however has taken my mind off of him so i am glad to be here and any advice or support is appreciated NICE TO MEET YOU ALL

If your six-yr-old is intervening when you're being abused, be thankful he's not been hurt yet. You cannot expose this child to continued violence. If you stay in this relationship, you must give up the children.

You made the decision to leave, and you seem to understand victim psychology--so why go back? I don't understand this.

When you put yourself at risk, you put your unborn at risk too. Why would you do that?

I don't know what your issues with your mom are, but unless she's physically abusing you it would seem wiser to stay with her, at least until this third child is born. Maybe you will be stable on the meds by then and can care for the four of you.

I'm glad you're here. Post on the forms, writing how you feel can help figure things out.
Take care of yourself!

Welcome! I agree with what Road Runner said, dear one. I can imagine you wish things would work out with your husband, but it doesn't sound healthy to stay with him. Might you be able to find a therapist to support you while you're making these life changes? And to talk to about your stresses?

We're here for you, too!

Tiffy, I am glad you found us here and welcome!!

I am also bipolar 1, I also have 3 children, and I also left an extremely abusive marriage. I completely agree with roadrunner here. You understand the abusive relationship psychology which is more than alot of people do in this situation. I just want to support you in your decision to leave. I know how hard it is, and that the feelings don't just instantly dissolve.

I had fled to a women's shelter with my 5,4 and 2 and half year old. I actually had to transfer through three different shelters. I had to press charges also. So there I was with no money, no job, new town, and zero support system. It was terrifying to me. We also had no belongings except a suitcase with some clothes.

But since then I have secured us a nice home, with everything we need, put myself through collage, devolved a new support system, close ties with the community and mist of all we are happy, healthy, and for the most part have a great life. My bipolar has become more severe through the years forcing me on disability, but I know now that I can do this and I can do it alone and be happy and free. I am sharing this because I want you to know that you can do this, if I can anyone can. I never thought I could have this life, if someone told me this back then I'd total disbeleive.

My kids still suffer some bad memories of a few major events that happened and it is now 8 years later. I just couldn't take the chance of the abuse transferring from me to them. Children witnessing a parent being abused by the other parent is actually a form of abuse in itself.

I hope you can stay away from this relationship and remember that there is always a " honeymoon" stage from the abuser towards the victim. Unfortunately we all know this never lasts long before things get even worse.

If I can help you in any way, or you just want to talk, need support I'm here and I'd be happy to lend you my shoulder, ear or anything you need.

Hi Tiffany !
I agree with all the replys .. Please find a Therapist and allow them to help you process the whole situation in a way that keeps You and Your children safe .

Welcome to Pc ((((( Hugs))))

Wishing you love and peace ~