True Self?

Sometimes I wonder what is truly me and what is the disorder? A few years back, right after I was diagnosed, a neighbor was evicted and moved out very quickly. They left HUGE piles of trash and belongings on the side of her house and along the street. About a week later, no one had cleaned it up. I got tired of looking at it. So I went out armed with gloves and a bunch of trash bags and cleaned it up myself. A friend that also lives in the neighborhood knew that I had recently been diagnosed and started medication. She drove by and saw me cleaning up the mess. She later said to my husband, "What was with your wife cleaning that huge mess up? Did she forget to take her medication?" Of course I was offended and hurt but ever since then I find myself wondering on many occasions if my actions, good or bad, are me or the disorder? The people close to me often use it as a way to placate me by saying, "Oh, your just depressed" or "calm down, your just manic right now." I want to scream. If I get opinionated or sad, I feel like the people closest to me don't take me seriously. I am a very open person but I am beginning to hesitate telling anyone that I am bipolar. Anyone else ever feel this way?

Well I know who I really am, I just have a hard time finding her.

I have told only my three closest friends. Most of the time they handle it well, but there are times now & then when I regret ever bringing it up. Fortunately, those times pass.

I have told no one about being Bipolar. The only two friends that I told about going to a PDoc have now distanced themselves from me.

You are not alone, as far as your neighbor, what a ***** talking to your husband like that. Who acts like that?

This is an eminently sane thing to do, clean the place up. Regardless of whether your impulses came from bipolar sources or not, at the end of the day, it was you who did the good deed, you who did something that benefited more than just yourself. You need to claim these things as your own and not occupy your mind with thinking, was this really me?

I would try a little humor with the bipolar business, rather than shy away from it. I think people are just uncomfortable with something they don't understand; they can see and comprehend a broken arm but it's harder to fathom a depression.

lad & gulas have nailed it. Had no one had labels for you, what you did would have been a great thing for the neighborhood. Don't let idiots make you second guess yourself.

You did a good thing because you're someone who does good things. It's that simple.

Since im newly diagnosed with Bipolar .. my husband and a few people i confided in pretty much do the same thing to me ,,,,,, Holy hell its annoying and this topic often comes up with my weekly visits to my Therapist ....
My Therapist told me initally its common for thoses who know i have gotten this lovely diagnosis to act this way ... Its ridiculous to be honest .. that said I personally am still learning what about my personality is and isnt bipolar which according to my Therpist IS normal... I " TRY" to not snap or blow up over situations when i feel other " assuming" things about me ...

I think its awesome you took it upon yourself and cleaned up a hell of a mess that wasnt even yours ..

Wishing you Peace and Love ~

Oh hon, that isn't on you. She was being nosy and rude, that's all. You didn't do anything wrong. You saw a mess and cleaned it up and I think that's awesome you did.