[BNLsMOM]

My husband and I refinanced our house at the end of last year and we took out the cash equity. We put it away in the bank with the intention of saving most of it. We were going to pay some overdue bills, and use some for ourselves, but save a good chunk of it for sometime later.

I found out this weekend that it is almost gone. I know we spent some of it together, after discussion and with both parties knowing that the money was going to be spent, but he spent much of it on lunch here, a doughnut there... several thousand $$$ worth with the debit card without my knowing. Shame on me for not putting it in a passbook immediately.

This is the third time in our marriage that I trusted him to be responsible with money only to find out that he spent it all. We wouldn't be in debt, and we wouldn't have money trouble if he could be trusted with a debit card. It is bringing up all the disrespectful crap that my husband has pulled in the past.

I am sorry to burden you all here with this, but I don't have anyone to talk to in real life.

[faerie_moon_x]

Oh, I really, really feel for you, BNLsMom. Your story reminds me of my ex.

Because my mom passed away when I was a kid, I got her share of the inheritance when my grandma passed away. At 20 years old I had $150,000. At 25 years old, I was negative $30,000. And I have no idea what he spent it on. Once I tried to get him to explain how to understand the online checking account list (I married him and didn't even understand how a checking account worked...) and he told me it was too complicated for me to understand.

The worst I remember was the last house my family sold, I got $30,000. It was a Thrusday morning when the money came in. We decided to go to Vegas that weekend for fun. Friday we spent the day driving and got there that evening. In the morning we left the hotel to get ready to do things and I started naming things off. And he says, "Slow down, we're broke.'

Broke.

I can still remember exactly the scenery I was looking at in front of the Fitzgerald's as he said those words. $30,000 in 2 days. On what? I have no idea.... none...

[BNLsMOM]

I am sorry that happened to you, DarkHeart.

I don't know what to do. I am going into a depression over this. Not sure if I should stay in the marriage, but then I would lose my kids because I have no job d no money and end up in the hospital every 10 months or sooner. No court that I know of would give me my kids. I wouldn't give me my kids. I love them, but I don't know honestly if I could take care of them on my own. Chances are I would be ordered to pay child support.

I might as well just die.

[BNLsMOM]

I just told my husband that if he cares to save the marriage, he will set up an emergency appointment with our marriage counselor. He actually got on the phone and left T a message.

[wildflowerchild25]

we did the same thing with our wedding money :-( i still don't know where $5000 went in one summer, except my hubby eating out almost every day. but it was a joint effort on our part. neither one of us was being careful enough.

i'm glad he called the therapist. hopefully you two can work it out and he will understand your anger.

[darthterrapin]

I'm terrible with money. I got 5,000 from my school in April and it's all gone. I don't know where it all went. All I know is that there was a ton of impulsive purchases.

[BlueInanna]

That's enough to send anyone into a nervous breakdown BNLs! What a mess
Really hope the T can help you 2, divorce sounds like an even harder time at this point. Money is freaking evil And the creditors ughh I can't even answer my house phone. Good to see you again, it's been awhile. Very sorry you're going through this

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by BNLsMOM

I am sorry that happened to you, DarkHeart.

I don't know what to do. I am going into a depression over this. Not sure if I should stay in the marriage, but then I would lose my kids because I have no job d no money and end up in the hospital every 10 months or sooner. No court that I know of would give me my kids. I wouldn't give me my kids. I love them, but I don't know honestly if I could take care of them on my own. Chances are I would be ordered to pay child support.

I might as well just die.

This is what I can tell you: money is the evil that we humans have brought upon ourselves.

I've had money to spend, and I've been homeless. I've had to steal food to have a meal. Not just once, mutiple times. I've sat in a strange house while pregnant, listening to someone tell me that they will happily throw me in the street without a second thought for some minor transgression. I have walked the streets for hours trying to figure out how to get diapers and food. I've worked my butt off to make sure I don't have to do that ever again.

Money comes and money goes. It's one of those things that even if you have a lot of it, you still feel you don't have enough. There's always more. It's like infinity. You can always add one.

What I've really learned is that money comes and money goes, but the people in your world can go and never come back. And more people may not come along to replace the ones you lose.

Money isn't a lion waiting in the bushes to tear your throat out. Sure, not having money can cause some big problems. But, if you have people that you can stick together with, you can survive those problems. That's the only reason I survived and still do. It's more important to figure out how to keep the people. My dad used to tell me I was an idiot for believing that having ones you love is more important than being a millionaire. I was naive when I said that, but I'm not naive any more. I've been through financial hell, I still live paycheck to paycheck. But I would rather have that than lose my family.

All of my inheritance is gone. My ex stole it. But, I also never loved him. So, in the end we both used each other in our own ways. But, I'm happier now even though I'm poor because I have my husband and my sons. So, it's the people and not the money.