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#1
Dec 05, 2011, 07:57 AM
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I woke up this morning and the first thing I thought was that I don't want to get up and face the day. I don't want to deal with the mood swings and paranoia. I don't want to constantly wonder if what I'm hearing is really there. I don't want to feel my heart jump because I see black things running across the floor or up the walls. I don't want that split second image of spiders or bugs. I don't want to walk by that guy I don't even know and suddenly have a mental image of having sex with him. I just don't want to deal with any of it today.
I'm not suicidal--I just don't want to have to be out of bed and functioning in the world today. I would rather sleep and hang out in my own little world. *Sigh* Oh well. Life goes on.
__________________
Becca Bipolar 1 with Rapid Cycling and Mixed States Wellbutrin 150 mg Lamictal 400 mg Geodon 40 mg Ativan 0.5 mg |
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#2
Dec 05, 2011, 12:16 PM
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wishing you well, becca. i'd discuss this with your pdoc. there may be solutions for you not tried yet.
__________________
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand |
 tnlibrarian
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#3
Dec 05, 2011, 12:35 PM
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Right there with you Becca, I see the same as you. I wish it would go away.
__________________
Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward! 
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| tnlibrarian
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#4
Dec 05, 2011, 12:54 PM
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Today just sucks. I was actually cycling when I woke up. I mean, seriously? Can't I even feel normal long enough to get out of bed? I've swung between depression and okay and angry so many times today it's unbelivable. Either I want to cry or I want to just scream and break everything in the room or I'm just kinda here. To top it off, I went to my doctor today for a follow up about bloodwork. Turns out the bloodwork indicated I have liver damage and insulin resistance. She said the liver damage, if verified, is probably from my psych meds. Yeah, as if I can quit those.
So I'm now I'm sitting here wondering if I should take an Ativan to see if it will stop the cycling or what. I'm allowed to take one as needed for anxiety. Does rapid cycling fall into that category? Jeesh. 
__________________
Becca Bipolar 1 with Rapid Cycling and Mixed States Wellbutrin 150 mg Lamictal 400 mg Geodon 40 mg Ativan 0.5 mg |
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#5
Dec 05, 2011, 01:03 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward!
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| tnlibrarian
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#6
Dec 05, 2011, 01:10 PM
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I'm sorry Becca, i've been there too. Now i've come to know myself. I'm always depressed in the morning. Everyday. But if i do something productive i feel better and the depression wears off. Yesterday i baked a banana bread. But i'm not in the middle of a depressive episode.
I schedule "sleep days" once a week i give myself permission to sleep all day, and then be lazy when i'm awake. I just have to face the other six days!
__________________
The biggest hurdle that anyone has to get over is believing that they can learn how. |
| tnlibrarian
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#7
Dec 05, 2011, 01:10 PM
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I'm going to take one and sit on the sofa and watch "Top Chef" until it's time to go pick up my oldest. I just want to make it through the day without blowing up or sitting in the bathroom crying hysterically or both.
__________________
Becca Bipolar 1 with Rapid Cycling and Mixed States Wellbutrin 150 mg Lamictal 400 mg Geodon 40 mg Ativan 0.5 mg |
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#8
Dec 05, 2011, 01:16 PM
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talk to your pdoc, maybe you can change from wellbutrin SR to plain wellbutrin and it can give you the extra push in the morning. i'm no doc though!
__________________
The biggest hurdle that anyone has to get over is believing that they can learn how. |
| tnlibrarian
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#9
Dec 05, 2011, 01:17 PM
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Sorry guys. That blows. I switched to later shift bc cant sleep at night, and hate facing day. Maybe i can face afternoon and night
better. (((Tnlibrarian))) definitely see if your pdoc can help. My symptoms have gotten a little better doubling meds and seeing T. At work i take back to back calls so usually not triggered there unless customer says something weird which they havent in long while. I get flashbacks and stuff like that at home and outside. Sending you positive energy and hugs if thats ok. |
| tnlibrarian, Tosspot
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#10
Dec 05, 2011, 01:28 PM
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me too!! Not on purpose, but i got a new job and the only shift was 3-11p. I've noticed i'm not so affected by SADD. I wake up when its light out!
__________________
The biggest hurdle that anyone has to get over is believing that they can learn how. |
| tnlibrarian
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