Question

Hey guys,

I am just curious....

I am learning that people who I thought were my friends are not actual friends. I am meaning that they never bother with me, text/call me, ask how I am..... but want me to be there for them and be like their own personal "counsellor".

I think I have narrowed it down to maybe 3 friends who just "use" me. It's so hard to just "forget" about them. I have been doing some thinking and my Support Worker and I have came to the conclusion that these people are adding to my worries and making me even more ill.

Do other's feel the same with people in their real lives, or is it just me?

I have a number of people in my life who are that way. Unfortunately, they are my mom and my sister. I also have a couple of friends who are that way but I've cut them back to just being acquantinces. A good example is a friend who, when her mother was dying, was texting me constantly. I drove two hours for the funeral and burial. However, when my daughter (who at the time was three) was admitted to the hospital because she vomited blood all over herself and, as it turned out, had a bleeding ulcer, I heard nothing. My mom and sister never ask me how I'm doing but the minute it hits the fan in their lives here they come. My mom actually slams me for even attempting to talk about my struggles with bipolar.

The good thing, though, is that when I started figuring who were my friends and who weren't, I discovered I have true friends who are worth their weight in gold. I emailed the rectors at our church and I know they will be there when I need them. Same for the friends I'll be emailing tonight. When I need people to rally around me, I know who to call on. Those other people--they act hurt that they didn't know but I know, in reality, they don't care.

Thanks Becca,

I know it's really annoying. I had over 200 friends on Facebook. Then I realised most of them ignored me.... never commented on my posts etc and I thought nah had enough of this. Got rid of them and now only have 98 friends and that is enough for me. I just wish people would care about me and not themselves but guess this is life

I used to have a lot of "friends" but they weren't really friends. When my ex cheated on me, and they all found out, it was all ok for them. These were friends from my church, and my ex is the president of the board for the church! Funny, how someone so immoral can be a head of a church. They are my ex-friends now. I quit talking to them one day, and no one, not one person, ever called me to ask what was up. I consider myself lucky that I got away from those people as soon as I did. Now I have no friends, and I prefer it that way.

I use to think I had Lots of friends ,, in all reality I had alot of acquantinces.. I also went thru and unfriended and blocked over half the people on my facebook. I have cut off contact with people in my daily life that are not willing or able to understand that right now im in a place were i need support.
I can honestly say I have 2 honest to goodness thru thick and think friends ,, my friend Mary and my daughter ,,I am so grateful I had stumbled across this site ,, Im amazed daily of the support that people here are willing to offer all times of the day and nite ...

I think just being able to talk to others that are going thru the same trials as you really helps ,, Reinforces the fact that even tho we have days we want NO contact with anyone ,, other times just being heard can make a life changing / saving differance here ..

Absolutely! My best and only friend is my partner. She is there for me for everything, sick or well. She loves me and that, to me, is an amazing thing. Goodness knows I come with a lot of baggage. I never thought I'd find true love. The only thing that sucks is having to be in the closet at work. No one likes a lesbian at work.

Im sorry you have to stay in the closet at work Lauru

I dont know why people have problems with anyones sexual preferance ..

I say if your lucky enough to find love ,,why does it matter who its with .

((((( Hugs )))))

I've realised I'm in a similar postition. There's nothing wrong with having to 'spring-clean' your friends every now and again. You need to make sure you are looking after yourself first. Don't give so much, that you start taking strain.

Thanks guys,

I have just opened myself up freely for everyone to hit out at and I am sick of it now. I want people to care for and about me rather than if I can solve their problems.

I also buy people off a lot and I never noticed it until it was pointed out to me. I have bought lunch's and dinner's, concert tickets, alcohol etc etc.... possibly spent a good £2,000 on people through out the years if not more and no-one does the same for me. I over spend on people at Christmas and Birthday's. Not anymore but up until recently I did. I didn't get any thanks for it. I am so naive when it comes to friends and relationships

I, too, had a lot of "friends" in my past. I've come to not really believe in friends anymore. That may be cynical. But, I had these friends from high school. We were a close knit group and stayed close as young adults. I thought they all had my back. It was at 18 when I started having my major delusions about the "mysterious building" and the "secret agent organization" that had their headquarters there. They actually all played along with it and egged me on. That delusion lasted until I was in my twenties when it just faded away and I forgot it. But during that time I also married my ex to get away from the situation I was in (it was a mistake, I didn't love him.) Anyway, these friends also became his friends, and when I finally got the strength to divorce him they all went with him to be his friends.

So I have my husband now, and I have one friend at work, and family members, and that's it. I have 18 friends on facebook and most of them are cousins, but all are relatives. They dont' really talk to me that much on there. I always feel like the black sheep.

Hey Dark Heart X,

Awww man that sucks.... least we can always say we have our families. I just wish I never get myself sucked into relationships where people abuse and use my naiveity. Or maybe I need to grow a set of balls lol!!

I will learn soon hopefully

I know how you feel! Good friends are hard to find, but negative friends are a dime a dozen!

I really like sugahorse's idea of "having to 'spring clean' your friends." That's exactly it! I cleaned mine out awhile back & discovered none among relatives, three from the rest of my presumed-friends.

It was disappointing at the time, but since then I've come to realize that I'm actually quite lucky to have so many. Sure, one of them might fail me from time to time. But nobody's perfect, right?

Thanks guys,

I guess I am not alone with having crappy friends. But then there are always the odd few who are little gems

This is a really good way to put it. A few friends are gems, but most are just rocks.

There's a mean-hearted expression that I particularly like: "dumber than a box of rocks." Maybe these folks are just a box of rocks - a dumb weight to carry around.

LOL that's what I was thinking. They are rocks because they just weigh you down!

I've always said i'm the girl who is friends with everyone, close to no one. "Social butterfly" I didn't believe in cliques, probably because i wasn't in one.
Funny it was mentioned, right before i joined this site i went on facebook and deleted people who a) couldn't remember who they were b) everyone who i hadn't spoken to in a year or more c) every single person from my high school/college class and d) every single ex boyfriend
i went from 596 friends down to 78. Most of which are family/people in the same fellowship as me. I feel good about it