[Raindropvampire]

I have hit an almost all time low. Not since I was 17 have I been this bad off and back then I wasn't on meds or diagnosed. I just got depressed was all the doctors could tell my parents.

I quit taking my meds about a month ago. Missed shrink appointment and they ran out and just don't care enough to go back in. I just can't move. I'm stuck. The only way I make it to work is by just stepping back and going on autopilot. for some reason my autopilot only seems to work for conversations, driving and parts of my job. My zoning on autopilot is starting to get me in trouble with everyone. I don't remember some of the stuff I do at work, can't remember most of the ride home from work( guess I should say drive but I feel more like a passenger) and don't remember most of my conversations I have with people. Everything feels like it's crumbling and I'm just standing here watching. I don't care about anything. My hubby is concerned I'm going to try to kill myself. He's asked me about it several times in the last couple weeks. I just can't get it through his head that he doesn't have to worry. I don't care enough to kill myself. What's the point in trading one craptastic existence for another? I just don't care. I feel nothing but hopeless and sad and empty. I've been sick for the last week. Don't know if this downward cycle caused it or if it's just "timing". Logically I know this is part of the disease. I know what goes down must come up. How do I hang on, hold it together until then and not alienate everyone in the process? All I have to do is pick up the phone and call for help but it's just so much effort. Well actually I have to stay awake until they open and call and I just can't. I get off work at 6:30 I get home at 7 and I'm asleep by 7:30. I wake up with just enough time to eat and get to work so I can repeat the same routine over and over.

I feel stupid even writing this because I brought it on myself. I missed MY appointment. I felt this coming on and did nothing to stop it. I'm just a useless screw up like I've always been.

[BlackPup]

sorry you are feeling so low. please make that phone call and get help and get more meds. You deserve to feel good. I'll be thinking of you.

[Rosie23]

Ask your hubby to call for you. Then go to the appointment and if you don't think you will go, then ask your hubby to take you.
It sounds like he cares about you and how you are feeling. Let him help just this little bit.
Reaching out is hard when you are this low, it takes a great deal of strength, but try.

Raindropvampire! Wow, can I relate to so much you said. Been there so many times, and it sucks. I agree with Rosie23. He notices, he asks, he cares. I have BF make calls when I can't and it is a help, because not making them makes for more self-flaggelation, you know? If it's ok to ask, why did you quit your meds? (And I hope you're not beating yourself up on that too, because we've all done it.)
Please don't feel stupid writing. It's why we're all here.

[roads]

(((( ** hugs galore, Raindropvampire ** ))))

Do whatever it takes to get back on the meds. Just do it. Get your hubby's help, that's a good idea, but get it done. Coming off them so quickly & unplanned is what's done this to you, or at least most of it. It's not that you don't care ... it's more that your body was used to the meds & with them just disappearing the body's shut down, doesn't know what to do.

Please, please, call pdoc, they'll give you an appt. It's not a big deal--we've all missed appointments.

You can do this. You will be okay. I miss our few minutes of Games when we've both gotten home from work!

Roadrunner

As others above said, I hope you will call your pdoc as soon as possible. I have missed appointments before and had to reschedule - it's no big deal to them. You deserve to feel better!

[Sheba976]

I just cancelled an appointment today. I didn't feel like talking about my "problems" Please don't give up. Get back on your meds. There's no reason for you to suffer like this.

[Raindropvampire]

Thank you all for the kind words and advice. I know how dumb this sounds but it hadn't even occurred to me to ask my hubby to call and get me an appointment. I'm just so used to doing everything myself I never thought to ask. I will ask him in the morning before I go to bed.

((( Roadrunner ))) I've been missing our games as well. I will make an effort to stop by tonight and play.

Innerzone I quit taking my meds simply because they ran out. The appointment I missed was for refills and then everything just went to crap.