[blue diamond]

I've been struggling with the idea that I need to see if I'm better off without the meds. I think logically that I should stick with them, but emotionally I don't know how long I can keep it up. I've had hard to treat Bipolar 1 rapid cycling and mixed episode bipolar 1 after a head injury 7 years ago. I've gained about 70 lbs since I was put on meds 5 years ago. I'm a wholistic person and can't stand the idea of being on meds the rest of my life. My treatment team compare it to diabetes and often and they think I'm being ridiculous and I can't stand that.

Is there anyone out there that thinks that bipolar could just be a blip and life could be normal w/o meds???

Since the start of the meds 5 years I feel like a beached whale. I joined weight watchers a year ago and it didn't help. Although the med combination has pretty much taken care of the mania (I miss that so much) and the depression isn't as bad as it used to be.

I think the depakote is the culprit of the weight gain. It could also be the Lamictal or the Invega, but I think it's the Depakote. I'm a very young at heart and look like I'm still 30- 51 year old, but I feel the meds are making me look old. I did have treatment resistant rapid cyling with mixed episodes Bipolar 1 after a head injury 7 years ago. I cycled between mania and depression many times in a day for about 4 years and was hospitalized twice when my cutting and suicidal plans got out of hand, but I'm better now.

Last week I brought my depakote down the last week from 500 to 250 and my doc doesn't know it. It resulted with a little more emotional fallout but that's about it. My pdoc wants me to switch the Depakote and Invega to Latuda. I'm ok w/ staying on the Invega and Lamictal for now b/c they don't seem to have any side effects for me, but I really feel that a new drug will bring more problems and that maybe I could get away with lowering my meds slowly instead just to see what happens.

I go to my pdoc today and am conflicted with telling him about my plan. My therapist knows, but my pdoc doesn't . It's hard for me to keep a secret. By the same token I think I need to be true to myself and do what I feel needs to be done.

Has anyone had any success and have any ideas on how to approach this with their doc? Mine says I need to stay on them the rest of my life. What kind of life is that.

[Moose72]

Depakote made me gain a lot of weight too. I switched to lithium. I had to add an antipsychotic for psychosis and emotional dis regulation. I have gone back to doing Judi and have decided to fight the weight.

[AniManiac]

Funny, I had this conversation with my T this morning that I sometimes just want to ditch all the meds, especially when I feel relatively functional. But then I also acknowledged that it would be really stupid for me to do that, because I'm not even fully stabilized yet and I can still remember how bad it was before starting mood stabilizers.

My answer to "what kind of life is that" is that for me, it's a promise of a more or less normal, functional life. But that varies by person, and you'll find plenty of people here who don't like taking meds or choose not to - VenusHalley is a great example of someone who manages well without meds. This topic comes up a lot around here; it's something most of us have to deal with at some point.

I gained 70 lbs in the last 5 years on a weight-neutral antidepressant because it didn't really kill the depression, which caused binge eating. Lamictal is also usually weight-neutral, so probably not the culprit for you. I've actually lost 10 lbs in 2 months since starting it, although I'm actually less physically active than I was before, because I'm not binge eating anymore. It's a huge relief for me. I have never had a "normal" appetite (always hungry, only full if I was really, really overstuffed, and even then...) so this is practically a miracle for me! I wish it could go that way for everyone, but our bodies all react differently to meds.

I'm also more cognitively functional on meds - again, a huge relief! Sure, I miss the euphoria of hypomania, but I desperately need more stability to achieve my goals and manage my life. I just can't take anymore depressions that last months and months and prevent me from working, or doing much of anything, for that matter.

You should keep your pdoc in the loop. They can't force meds on you, but if you want to taper down/off some of them, they can help you do that as responsibly as possible so that it minimizes the risk of bad side effects.

[Moose72]

The docs say to stay on meds but you can try different meds. Going off meds is a bad idea. It's like star wars- coming out of hyperspace into an asteroid field. Never know how that will go abs with bipolar is not usually good. There's also the fact that every time you have an episode it's worse than the last time. They call it kindling- like a fire , little bits added make it bigger and bigger.

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by blue diamond

Is there anyone out there that thinks that bipolar could just be a blip and life could be normal w/o meds???

In answer to these questions, No and No.

I quit my meds 3months ago, and bipolar is N0T a blip, and normal is a fairytale...
Only you know if your meds are beneficial to you. I refuse to believe in 'meds for life' but who knows what the future holds... Maybe you can discuss trying a different treatment approach? Lower dosages coupled with ongoing therapy and some lifestyle changes? Idk, I don't have the answers, I just don't want you convincing yourself you'll be ok when the evidence shows otherwise... Please be careful and Goodluck

[FuriousGeorge]

I'm Bipolar I and I have gone off my meds many times. Mostly because I was feeling better and I thought I could manage without them, or I felt that the meds were causing me harm so I'd drop them.

Whatever the reason for quitting, the end result was the same. I'd end up a psychotic mess. Recovering from each of these failed attempts became harder than the last. I am still feeling some of the effects, years later.

It's taken me about 10 years to agree to therapy, see a psychiatrist and be med compliant. My life isn't at all ideal, but it sure as hell beats being nuts.

[thelittlethings86]

I am one of those who goes of her meds frequently. I do it because I feel good. It isn't until I end up an absolute mess that I'm will to admit that I only feel good because I'm ON the medication. Talk to your doctors if you don't like the effects certain meds have but please, please PLEASE stay on them. Best of luck.

[tnlibrarian]

I had a period where I wasn't good at all about taking my meds and I pretty much went totally manic. My doctor told me if I didn't improve in a month's time we would have to "discuss" hospitilization. My husband told me that he would go with me and tell her I needed to go. She increased the Lamictal and added Ativan, which helped quite a bit. I remember to take my meds but started having auditory hallucinations and had a crazy visual one several weeks back. Last night my auditory hallucination was hearing someone vomit--I kept checking on my kids thinking I was hearing them. I finally asked my husband if he was hearing it, he told me no and we agreed that's the strangest one yet.

You may need meds changed or added on. My doc has added on Seroquel. I'm only on 25 mg. now but am upping it to 50 mg. probably Friday night since I don't have to be up at 6 the next day. I tried lithium but had zero response to it, which my psych doc said really surprised her. Depakote was the first thing they put me on. It was great at controlling the bipolar but it also made me shake so bad I looked like I had Parkinson's and it made my hair start falling out. Don't be afraid to try meds based on what other people have experienced or what side effects are listed. They impact everybody differently. I've heard bad things about Lamictal but I've had zero side effects except for some nausea when my dosage is increased.

[blue diamond]

I go to the doc in 2 hours and am feeling super anxious about it. I guess I'll tell him what I've been up to, but might frame it in a way that would make sense to him.I think I am justified in trying to get off the Depakote. I think he'll want me to switch to Latuda. He has samples, but it will cost me $700.00 a month because it isn't on my insurance formulary. I don't see any reason to start if I can't pay for it.

I've been on almost every drug except for the older antipsychotics and older mood stabilizers because of the weight gain factor/too sedating or other weird side effects and I am out of options. Has anyone else had this problem? What to do when you have to succumb to the inevitable evil of drugs and the power the doc. I think I'm going to lose it when we meet so that will only make him push more drugs on me.

I think I'll put my headphones on loud while I wait and try to breathe so I can pull off a calm presence. Maybe I'll get lucky and he will be receptive of my plan.

Thanks for all your support and suggestions.

[blue diamond]

I just found out that Latuda IS on my drug formulary so I can't argue the point that it's too expensive. I don't know what to expect from it and am really mad that I don't think he'll give me the option of not taking it.

I hate it when they force your arm on the thinking they are right and you aren't.

Maybe someone out there has taken it. Let me know because I'll probably be coming home with a new script. *&%$#&*!!

[tnlibrarian]

That's the way I feel about my regular doctor and every regular doctor I've ever been to. It drives them crazy because they'll prescribe something and I'll never get it filled or take it. For the most part I'm very anti-medicine. I won't even take something for a headache unless it's absolutely killing me. My husband has known me to go around with a sick headache or migraine for two or three days. Never mind that I have Imitrex sitting the cabinet and usually have Excedrin around. The last time I willingly took anything besides my psych meds was when I had a tubal done last month. I got so sick from the stuff they put me under with and had such bad pain I had no choice but to take the Phenegren they gave me and Tylenol. I'm even bad to not take antibiotics they prescribe because I'll decide it can be treated naturally or I don't really need them. I realize that's a bad idea.

When it comes to my psych meds, however--I pretty much give my doctor free reign with those. I'll read up on them before I take them and my pharmacist always pulls me aside and speaks with me privately about them. He likes to make sure I've taken them before, know the potential side effects and what to watch out for. I always end up giving them a try, though. On the one hand I stay scared to death to not take what she prescribes but on the other hand I stay scared to death of the potential side effects. It's a double edged sword.

[blue diamond]

Thanks Becca. I'm back from seeing him and I kept on him about the Depakote. He wasn't pleased with me decreasing the dose without telling him... He started to talk about our relationship and maybe it wasn't the best.. I interrupted him of course and told him we are a good fit. I don't want to lose him b/c he's been treating me for about 4 years.
So I'm going to try the Latuda. He said, "remember, this is a course of treatment you wanted. He thought I was doing quite well on the med cocktail I was on and fairly stable since the Fall of 2011. Oh well, so I'll give the Latuda a try. He said one of his patients lost about 40 lbs right off the bat. I'm down with that.. Lets hope for the best !

[Moose72]

Sounds good. I wish I'd have a med that made me lose instead of gain. Especially 40 pounds!

[blue diamond]

Yeah right? Took my first dose tonight so won't know for a few days if this is helping the emotional rollercoaster. I'm on the wait and see plan in terms of weight. I tend to gain more instead of losing. In the meantime he still has me on the Depakote.. Won't let me drop it till he sees what the new drug does.

[venusss]

Just few things. Yes, I am one of the people who are not medicated... but that is not the issue here.

But bipolar or any mental quirk is NOT like diabetus... and this BS line drives me crazy. It is much much much more complex.... and add to it your team thinks you are being "ridiculous" when you want off meds for legitimate reasons... they are basically treating you like an idiot.

Weight gain does not mean just being fatter. It means there is something not right going on with your metabolism. Bad physical health can contribute to your mental health issues. So is it really reasonable trade off? I think only you can decide that, not your doctor, who is not on these substances.

In the end is up to you... but you shouldn't take meds just 'cause doc says so, if you don't feel it is helping you. We all have different tolerance of discomfort (and different preferences... what is "so what" to one person can drive other person up the wall).

[Tosspot]

Blue Diamond - it sounds like you need a new pdoc! Someone who works WITH you and doesn't tell you what to do like he knows best. I'm leaving my doc for that reason, i feel that he is not listening and that makes me hate taking meds even more. We should be in control of our treatment with doctors to help us and make recommendations. I'm with you though, I'd love to try life without meds but it needs to be gradual and controlled. baby steps!