[ariatboot]

Just to make it clear. I am just asking a question about when and if anyone get so depressed it gets to where it looks like there is no other option but sui and requires hospitalization.
This has happened to me twice that has required me to go to the hospital and once where the only way I made it through was promising my tdoc that I would come in and see him every two days and call and check in with him on the days I didn’t see him. But now my tdoc makes it sound like is so bad for me to be in that place.
I know all the times this happened I was having extreme depressive episodes. And my tdoc did help a lot. But now I feel so embarrassed, ashamed and stupid that I don’t know how I will get help IF (which I hope to hell it doesn’t) this happens again. It's not like I want this to happen. My bipolar is definitely not under control yet and hasn’t been since I was diagnosed. I keep going into these extreme depressions that last forever. I don’t know, this just came up in therapy and like I said now I am so afraid to reach out if this ever happens again. It's like he tried to scare me into never getting depressed again and sui.
Has anyone here had repeated sui episodes? Or is this maybe something else? Is it normal for bipolar patients to have repeated hospitalizations because of sui thoughts that were serious enough that it was clear they were not safe anymore?

Well, I am diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and have been in the psychiatric hospital 9 times total...4 of the admissions were due to OCD and the other 5 due to Bipolar Disorder, primarily depressive symptoms. Suicidal thinking, intent, and attempts were the prime reasons for me being admitted.

Once we figured out what mental illnesses I had, hooked me up with a therapist and with a good med cocktail, my pdoc and I agreed that the only time I would ever go into the psych hospital would be if I felt suicidal, and it would be as short a stay as possible. Because for me, prolonged stays can actually make things worse. I hate to say it, but I can become "institutionalized", meaning that I grow accustomed to the hospital routine and as a result am afraid of leaving. So for me, if the hospital ever becomes a necessity, short stays are the answer.

However, everyone is different. I personally think that if you are genuinely suicidal, then hospitalization is a smart decision. Don't let your tdoc try to "scare" you into getting better, make sure you get the help you need.

[Secretum]

It'll be hard (I don't think I could do it myself), but you need to mention this issue to your tdoc. It is bad for you to be in that place because you are a loved, talented, incredible person who deserves to live. Being in that place, regardless of how often or for how long, however, does not make you a bad person. There is nothing "wrong with you" if you feel really suicidal; you just have an illness for which you sometimes need intensive treatment.

I hope that things start to look up for you soon. I hate depression.