Paranoid....... and how do deal with that?

I've been doing sorta bad past fews days. Very bad actually. I can "distract" myself with my school work (well, because I am in do or die position............. and even if I would not mind the die part atm....... I don't want to screw up, just in case).

What bothers me more is this weird paranoia. That I did something wrong unknowingly and that it is gonna get to me. That people only put up with me, but they don't like me. I got letter recently that the books I ordered from Amazon are stuck on customs in Prague and I need to declare them............ and of course I went from "I need to declare package" to "they now monitor me and if I show them my bank account (I need to proof i paid for the items........) they will track down from where I used ATMs and they may have problems with it. (yes, I know irrational.... still, i feel bit icky about the whole thing).

I can distract. but the minute I don't........ I start getting these feelings. From "I forget to do something important for school" to "people hate me" and "omg, my books are in customs not because of ridic EU laws... but because of ME and something I said online or because I been to eastern europe too much". I try to fight it....... but atm it's too much.

Have you had such similar paranoid thoughts before?
I get like that when I'm very very stressed and very very low....There have been times I've been searching my room for cameras or being terrified to send emails because I'm convinced someone monitors them and somehow I'll get in trouble because of...I don't know what.

I don't have any pearls of wisdom for this..Just keep reminding yourself that these thoughts are irrational. Being in touch with people helps me sometimes. The calm presence of others can help you feel less like everyone is out to get you...Also, doing your schoolwork is good but maybe switch to different things every few hours? I find that doing one thing for too long (or trying to anyway) can make things worse (as I get more frustrated with my own perfectionism, especially if I'm not well, therefore I can't do anything at the best of my ability....be it cleaning, work, or whatever..)

Also...remember that whatever can plausibly have gone wrong...e.g. forgotten to do something for school...it can easily be rectified It seems to me you just need reassurance for things at the moment..

I sometimes get that "being monitored" paranoia. I guess my mom triggers it a bit with her stories how she had member of secret police and mics at her workplaces (she grew up during communism, so yes, this was real). Now she constantly tells me in half joking way how sure Russian hostels have informators in there or that some of the people whom I worked with in Russian NGOs might have been informators (well, there are stories of Kremlin having beef with NGOs......... so these may have merit). And I am slightly politically active........ so..... yeah.

as for forgetting things........ well, I am scatter brained (I actually did forget to pay my insurance this month. Paid it few minutes ago).

Yeah, i talked to somebody and feel bit better. Still need to declare my books that are held hostage in Prague, and it kinda freaks me out/bothers me (it's books. You can traffic arms and weapons here, but they will hound me over few books...).


and I will try to take breaks from school work. Last night I dreamt of Stalin, which.... is not good

Oh dear! I wouldn't call that dream sweet exactly..! Glad you are feeling a bit better though

I understand there is more of a basis for such thoughts in your case than mine (I am less involved in politics than I am in exploring Mars...) But try as much as you can to distinguish between actual and abstract fears.

About forgetting important things...Would it help to make a list of very important things? Like things that if you forget about them it will be difficult to make up for it. Then stick that list somewhere you see it on a daily basis, be it a wall or a book, journal...And try not to worry about the rest. If you forget something...you've forgotten it. Don't beat yourself up for it. There will be a way around it

Watch something safe before you go to bed tonight. Or read a children's book. A good night's sleep with better dreams would definitely help

I don't get paranoid, but I do get this sudden brief sense of crisis/panic that I've forgotten something very important or done something stupid and embarrassing, and it's going to cause big problems. Kind of like what you mention here. But I can never remember what it might be so eventually the feeling passes. But it happens more and more often and is starting to freak me out. I think it's just stress. I hope.

THIS kind of thing I have all the time. But I also have OCD, and between that and how I grew up, it really isn't that much of a surprise. Drives BF nuts, but I think he is not paranoid enough(!) (Seriously, a case could be made for this.) At any rate, if I bring some of these up with him, I can sort of see a bit of reason if I can convince myself that the middle ground is probably where reality is. So... talking to people to try to break the running loop in your head might prove helpful.

But, for me, when it gets to a higher level (cameras and things very similar to those you mention), I don't tend to talk about it, because I know how it sounds and I don't want people to think I'm crazy. Even knowing how it sounds doesn't diminish my belief of a thing though. Fortunately, this doesn't happen often. With the history of where you live Venus, and things your mother talks about, it's quite understandable that when you feel paranoid it would run in this direction. Soooo, perhaps it belongs more in the first catagory, yes? Reminding yourself that it is history combined with talking to someone? Oh, and repeating to yourself in lieu of the paranoia loop about the --like you said about trafficking arms, so... seriously, books???!!! Seriously???!!! In other words, trying to put it into perspective. Yeah, I know, but such a big part of the battle is breaking the loop. Sunreach has a VERY good idea about distraction before bedtime. (I don't know about you, but for me this is the worst time as the loop goes into hyperdrive.)

Hope this posts early enough for your timezone. Good luck!

I grew up with a father who was a police officer, and he saw a lot of the bad in life. He never talked about it infront of my sister and me, but I think it created an attitude of fear in the house. I couldn't take a walk to see the sun rise because "someone will get you". I lived in a very safe town near the ocean. I grew up very sheltered because of my dad's fears. When I am feeling paranoid, it usually is about someone "getting" me. The other paranoia I get is the feeling that people are looking at my house, trying to see me, and also that neighbors might come to the door and see how messy the house is and call DCF.

I feel paranoid at work. I feel like people are watching me waiting for me to make a mistake> I check and double check my work. I feel like I don't really relate to people and that no one likes me. I worry about saying the wrong thing, but then I also get super confident and so sure I am absolutely right when I am manic and then I dont feel paranoid. I wish I really knew what people thought of me, though I guess I really shouldn't care. Ijust wish I didn't feel like people were watching me.