[Redman17777]

This is my first time writing here since i have just join. I figured i would try something new because i really am making some attempt at getting my life in order. I've spent the last 4-5 years trying different psychiatric medications and abusing opiates and benzo, and to be honest i dont even like benzo's beyond what my doctor had prescribed me. Ive been clean from all of them for 33 after rehab for 13 days, now i can say i do feel better and have no real desire to use when things are going well but im all over the place emotionally. If i sleep its for 2-3 hours and thats every other day, my anxiety is through the roof to the point where i cant deal with anyone, and my family are the last people i can talk to. I dont really know how im going to manage if i truely am bipolar.(i have a hard time accepting it at times since i believe doctors and people throw the diagnosis around to loosely) I've used just about every moodstabilizer/anti-pyschotic and sleeping pill out there but when im "manic" i dont care if you give me horse tranquilizers ill still be up jumping around, cleaning the house, doing 5 different things at once while not completing any of them and i feel like im an sky high on speed or meth-which neither ive never done. I am about to be 21yrs old and people say thats the worst time for it, is there any truth to that? Will things ever slow down? Are there any decent anti anxiety medications or even supplement that anyone has used to either help manage or kind of take the edge off of it all? Self mutilation,suicidal ideation, and just above every with the exception of actually try to end it all. I can not keep living this way but at the same time the last thing i want to do is take medication, i feel like a zombie; if i feel anything at all and i feel sedated and stupid when on these medications, and ive tried just about everyone between all the doctors ive seeen. I hate to say it but ive lost just about any hope in psychiatry for myself, and about to just go back to smoking marijuana because thats honestly help me more then anything ive ever taken. Just looking for some other ideas, and ill stop now im rambling and my mind wont stoppppp 0.o

[NineMuse]

"now im rambling and my mind wont stoppppp 0.o"

I hear you, I can realte to you ("Up and down and up and down" ... lol. Yep) and I feel for you.
Bipolar is crazy, mad and its silly and ridiculous but I wouldnt have it any other way. I love my BPd and i try to look after it. It's your weather. last week I felt like a spring breeze but today, there's a storm brewin.
I am trying to pay a lot more attention to myself at the moment and hopefully try to control some of the symptoms. I am 48, have had this all my life and have just had my first major, major blowout. BIG TIME Learn about yourself and save your money for a rainy day..
All The Best. o_0

[Rosie23]

First of all, Good job on getting through rehab. I'm sure it wasn't easy.

I came across a drug called Buspar and it isn't a benzo and is not supposed to be addicting. I was going to ask my T about it the next time I go.

I saw a PBS thing regarding marijuana, that people who smoke often, loose their natural ability to stay calm. So that may not be a good choice either.

But I do all of the things you mentioned. And anxiety is my worst symptom and most days I am totally fed up with it.

Call your T and be sure you are very honest with how you are feeling. They can't help if you don't tell them what's wrong.

[Sanada]

Originally Posted by Redman17777

This is my first time writing here since i have just join. I figured i would try something new because i really am making some attempt at getting my life in order. I've spent the last 4-5 years trying different psychiatric medications and abusing opiates and benzo, and to be honest i dont even like benzo's beyond what my doctor had prescribed me. Ive been clean from all of them for 33 after rehab for 13 days, now i can say i do feel better and have no real desire to use when things are going well but im all over the place emotionally. If i sleep its for 2-3 hours and thats every other day, my anxiety is through the roof to the point where i cant deal with anyone, and my family are the last people i can talk to. I dont really know how im going to manage if i truely am bipolar.(i have a hard time accepting it at times since i believe doctors and people throw the diagnosis around to loosely) I've used just about every moodstabilizer/anti-pyschotic and sleeping pill out there but when im "manic" i dont care if you give me horse tranquilizers ill still be up jumping around, cleaning the house, doing 5 different things at once while not completing any of them and i feel like im an sky high on speed or meth-which neither ive never done. I am about to be 21yrs old and people say thats the worst time for it, is there any truth to that? Will things ever slow down? Are there any decent anti anxiety medications or even supplement that anyone has used to either help manage or kind of take the edge off of it all? Self mutilation,suicidal ideation, and just above every with the exception of actually try to end it all. I can not keep living this way but at the same time the last thing i want to do is take medication, i feel like a zombie; if i feel anything at all and i feel sedated and stupid when on these medications, and ive tried just about everyone between all the doctors ive seeen. I hate to say it but ive lost just about any hope in psychiatry for myself, and about to just go back to smoking marijuana because thats honestly help me more then anything ive ever taken. Just looking for some other ideas, and ill stop now im rambling and my mind wont stoppppp 0.o

peeps are fcked up..lol the truth


i am fcked up, but i see you though the net;

be well, i will try to be a Human (kinda)