[Moose72]

Do you ever think I didn't do enough today and forget that you read your kids a story or bought them food or were a listening ear to a friend? Do you ever get told you're worthless even so?

[~Christina]

((( Moose )))

I feel daily like I never do enough ..but I have a horrible negativity about myself .. my T says it amazes him how strong and deep my negative thoughts go back .. Im trying really hard to find the " root " of the problem .. But I literally beat myself up daily over things " I think" I should have done. I fight feeling worthless daily some days are better than others.

Hope that made sense if not Im just rambling

I often think that.

Then I remember that 100,000 years ago, homo sapiens were doing nothing but walking around through tall-grass, foraging for berries, breaking open the thick bones of dead kill and sucking out the marrow. That's the lifestyle nature selected us to do.

Our world is filled with nothing but distractions now.

Don't go running naked through the mall with a butcher knife. That's my standard. You know, stuff like that. If I ever think I'm not doing enough, I remember that I'm doing a billion more things than my body thought it was going to do when it was born.

I am meeting all the criteria for homo sapien and I'm not in jail: success.

[AniManiac]

I get very hard on myself when I'm not productive. It's partly because I have a high-pressure high-productivity sort of job, so it gets extra upsetting to fall behind. Plus I'm not good at admitting that there are times when I just shouldn't expect as much from myself.

Haha yes Moose, every day. At this very moment in fact. The only person I am currently being told I am worthless by tho is me.

"Don't go running naked through a mall with a butcher knife" haha awesome! I don't run naked in public, or carry concealed or unconcealed butcher knives ~ double success!

[cocos421]

I feel it, but yet I get told it by my husband all the time. He calls me a slacker.

[SunAngel]

Yes, I feel this way everyday. I am more hard on myself than anyone else.

I try to take baby steps and accomplish one thing a day. By the end of the week, I generally feel that I have accomplished a lot throughout the week.

Try not to put any pressure on yourself to accomplish anything because even if you just smile at someone, you have accomplished something.

[BuggsBunny]

I keep comparing myself to my (non-BP) sister, who gets so much done each day it's amazing. A mom of 2, she gets, well, I won't go into it, or I'll depress all of us. I do each day accomplish schooling my niece, and that keeps my pride from being totally trampled, taking my meds (that counts for a lot!) and getting out of bed in the morning - which we all know is easier said than done. That's all I require of myself, but I still feel like I am slacking off when I am too tired to do the dishes, help with the laundry, put the kids to bed, etc. And it's not my sister calling me a slacker, it's the echo of my step-dad from childhood. Or, basically, it's me.

As for the weekends, when there is no school, I have given up on getting myself to do anything. Some days I don't get up and get my meds til 3 in the afternoon, and never do get around to getting dressed, much less making an actual meal.

I think that we are all too hard on ourselves, putting ourselves down for not keeping up with a Non BP person. We should all move into a little bipolar village where nobody demands we do anything more than we can. (Of course, we wouldn't have anyone with enough energy and self esteem to run the town, and our houses would be a mess, and some of us would starve...so maybe that's not such a hot idea after all...)

[moremi]

I feel that way daily. I feel like since my husband works all day he should come home to a nice clean home everyday. The fast few months have been so hard for me to do anything. I do good to get up and take a shower. I really get so anxious when i cant get up and clean the house and do the laundry. I feel like a failure as a wife and mother. Ive been feeling this way all day today. Blah..it just sucks.

[CastlesInTheAir]

I can relate ten fold. On the weekends I will tell myself to get the heck up so many times and still won't I don't understand it. Then when its night time again I get even more depressed because I didn't get up. Just recently i started thinking of small things and writing a lot which makes me feel like I do a little bit of something which in turn gets me to do more. Then when i started thinking "well I didn't do this" "didn't finish that" "i'm lazy" etc. I instead think " well atleast I started" "at least I did something". I really appreciate just moving out of the bed these days!

Originally Posted by BuggsBunny

...I think that we are all too hard on ourselves, putting ourselves down for not keeping up with a Non BP person...

HA! We can kick their sorry little a**es a thousandfold when we're up though!
(Couldn't possibly resist that one... )

To the question though, yes, I often think I don't get enough done and feel guilty about it. (I try to remind myself of the above though...that I've just got a different rhythm to it.) I always have a to do list going. Not that things always get done, not by a long shot. A lot of times, I'll get doing a bunch of stuff and realize at the end of the day that none of it was on my list. But it still counts! And if I really need to, I'll write it down, just to cross it off(!) I'm a visual person, so writing it down makes it concrete. Somehow makes it easier to give myself credit for it. Weird, but true.

I can be SUPER productive. It comes in waves and that's just the way it is for me. Consistency's great. It's just not me. And that's ok.
I just need to keep reminding myself of that.

[BuggsBunny]

Originally Posted by SunAngel

Try not to put any pressure on yourself to accomplish anything because even if you just smile at someone, you have accomplished something.

SunAngel has a good point. Also @ IZ, writing it down can be very beneficial, as you have a physical reminder of what you have accomplished today, this week, or during whatever period you choose.

A few years ago, I totally fell apart. Half the time I didn't even manage to get my meds in me. A dear friend came and stayed with me, and taught me several things.

One of them was to keep a journal of accomplishments each day. Her rules were simple.She set no goals for me but instead had me note the things I was doing that I hadn't thought accomplished anything. If you get out of bed, you write it down. Take all your meds? write it down. Eat? That counted too. Get dressed, a definite accomplishment! Communicate with someone on phone or on line - definite success.

Every night I would go over the list and see what I had done that day. It was a great mood lifter and I went to bed with a positive feeling. Not only that, but I could see at the end of the week all that I had done, and not be peeved at myself for getting nowhere all week.

[Tsunamisurfer]

Originally Posted by SunAngel

...
Try not to put any pressure on yourself to accomplish anything because even if you just smile at someone, you have accomplished something.

I would love to be able to do this. I have a few encouraging friends (really glad to have them - honestly) who say "you're doing great - you're special" but in the next sentence show their true assessment of me: "you just need to get a job, use your talents, be more productive...". The bar for real worth is always higher than I can jump at the moment.
And if anyone says I'm being hard on myself, I don't buy it: I know how I have been measured and treated in the corporate world.

Rebuilding a sense of worth that isn't pegged too tightly to what other people think is a reasonable standard (especially if they don't know why I duff it so often) is a worthy challenge. I have a long way to go.

[mommyof2girls]

I have never been told that I am worthless.....But I feel that way a lot......Like whatever I do is just never enough......

[argv]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Do you ever think I didn't do enough today and forget that you read your kids a story or bought them food or were a listening ear to a friend? Do you ever get told you're worthless even so?

Before I started taking the right meds, success for me was making it to work on time. The thing is, I can do nothing productive for a month (like in my music ventures) but in 2 days I can get alot done.

Don't worry, tomorrow is another day.

[CastlesInTheAir]

Originally Posted by argv

Before I started taking the right meds, success for me was making it to work on time. The thing is, I can do nothing productive for a month (like in my music ventures) but in 2 days I can get alot done.

Don't worry, tomorrow is another day.

I hear you about making it to work on time!

-Trish
"Don't curse the rain, without it things don't grow. Instead find the beauty in it."

[Moose72]

I spent time with my kids today. But lately I just want my warm bed. What with my thyroid issue and anxiety I just want to be alone. Then again I like warm human company too but any sign of conflict and it's where I am now- in bed watching tv.

[venusss]

I wish I was always manically productive. And I feel mad at myself when I am not.

And I refuse... just refuse to admit that I will never be good as normal. I will be even if I break my neck in the process. I refuse to kudo myself on getting out of bed, because that's what people do. I need to feel I actually done something, maybe not every day, but at least most of the days...........

[roads]

Yes, moose, my bosses at work are in their "you're worthless" currently
My actual clients are pretty happy with me tho
I'm trying to keep the rants from numbing me up to where I let anger slip in (my major trigger for drinking)

Life ... Well you know