Hypomania?????

I have no past experience with bipolar, but I think I MIGHT be hypomanic right now...

I was exhausted last night but when I went to sleep I had a horrible and vivid dream and did not sleep very well, and I ended up waking up way before my alarm went off, which never happens. I always oversleep. Also, I woke up and felt slightly ready to go, instead of exhausted from the lack of sleep. This has happened for three nights now.

And I was super depressed yesterday, but today I woke up feeling like life could not have been better, and I'm still staying awake off that feeling. But I felt like I was deliberately trying to be happy to mask the layer of sadness underneath... so maybe mixed episode?

This has never happened to me before, advice would be greatly appreciated!

From what you described...I believe mild hypomania could be a possible explanation.

However, you did point out something interesting which led to me thinking otherwise. If you're trying hard to block out feelings of depression, you may subconsciously be tricking your own mind into believing you are truly happy and elated. But isn't that just what anyone does? Recovery itself can only come from looking at positives and firmly attempting to believe you're happier (or could be happier) - as well as convincing yourself that life IS a good thing...despite any emotional turmoil you may be experiencing.

Then again, your description of exhaustion; followed by dreaming (Rapid Eye Movement - Stage 5 of the sleeping cycle); and awakening earlier feeling more refreshed than normal...could more be a sign of a sleep-related issue as opposed to hypomania (though both could apply in this instance).

Having vivid dreams is commonly a symptom of hypomania - as well as feeling more refreshed with less sleep than usual. Within the past few days...how have you found getting to sleep? With hypomania, a racing mind can often decrease your ability to get to sleep. Are you on any medication which could be making you drowsy?

Your case is rather difficult for me. If you're feeling exhausted, it is less likely for a diagnoses of hypomania to be made. Maybe you're cycling between hypomania and a mixed state? I think it's definitely something you could talk to your pdoc/GP/health care provider about.

From what you've written there isn't a great amount to go on. And none of us on PC are really qualified to give you a clear-cut yes or no answer. I believe it could be a possibility for you to be suffering from hypomania at this time, though sleep disruption could also be related to a mixed or depressive episode (though a depressive episode is unlikely if you're feeling even slightly elated).

1. Elated mood, 2. Feeling more refreshed in the morning, 3. Waking earlier than usual, 4. Vivid dreams - these all point to hypomania.

1. Feeling exhausted before sleep, 2. Feelings of severe depression (however brief) - these do not.

Another possibility, however, could be that you are rapid cycling between hypomania and depression. Whatever the case...there is evidence of hypomania without a doubt, but there is also evidence which points away from hypomania. As I said, I recommend speaking to a medical professional about this.

RB♥

Rapid cycling seems logical.

Thank you so much! That was very informative.

Don't worry about not figuring me out... I have exhausted a lot of energy trying to figure myself out for a while now.

If it IS rapid cycling, then it's mild depression, hypomania, and mild everything. Right now it's night in my timezone, and I'm quite awake even after this long day.

As for falling asleep and dreaming--well, I've had issues with falling asleep for as long as I can remember (always takes at least half an hour) and I've vividly dreamt for as long as I can remember as well. I also forgot to mention my on and off self-injury... when I say on and off, I mean on for a month, off for half a year, and so on.
I'm 15 and scared as hell to talk to my parents about anything. No access to any kind of T, or pdoc, or whatever.

My pdoc just told me that they did a study and found that people with BP Disorder have a defense mechanism that makes them go manic to block out a depression. When we put our dog down, I went into a manic state and I know I probably seemed to be cold, but I was miserable without him because he was our son. My brain was protecting me from feeling sadness.

When I went to pick up his ashes, I was very hypo and was talking everyone's ears off, and I was laughing. I must have seemed like I didn't care, but deep down, I was miserable.

Mania, she said, was a coping mechanism for people with BP Disorder.

Interesting. I was pretty manic after my mom died, wrapped up a master's thesis in just a few weeks after that.