[Lil Ant Lady]

and ive tried lots of diff medications over the years. i get the same result with them all. depersonalisation and apathy are the two feeling i can best describe it as. i show little interest in things i should love, like playing with my kids, loving my boyf etc.

but without meds im so unstable i am a danger to myself and others around me. delusional, paranoid, irritable, highly depressed and rageful

I dont know how Im ever going to feel normal and joyous

Its a bad existence at the mo

[madisgram]

have you discussed this with your pdoc? it may help.

[cocoabeans]

Are you really apathetic or do you miss the mood swings and wild range of emotion?

If you're really apathetic, insist on something else especially if you're just trying the same class of meds over and over like say, you're almost always on an SSRI.

If you're not really apathetic and you don't know how to accept and recognize "normal moods and emotions" go listen to a psychologist for awhile. He'll either teach you something or have you resolve never to go back and just figure it out yourself.

[missmorganxo]

I'm the same way. Off my meds, I'm a horrible rollercoaster of terrifying and surreal emotions. It's mostly a bad experience being off meds.

But, on them, I almost feel dead inside. Like, nothing is there. Nobody is home.

You're not the only one!

[EverythingNothing]

I'm with you on this one. IMO, it's the biggest downfall of treating bipolar via status quo medications. This is why I want to try alternatives so to speak. However, the problem is that most psychiatrists are concerned with simply squashing the symptoms and keeping themselves safe in terms of liability.

I'm a young man and I feel like a 40 year old man. This is ever since being medicated via the traditional route. And seen by a highly respected psychiatrist. You'll always get the "oh, you simply miss your manic symptoms or mood swings or anything related to being off medication".

The answer is not to go off medications. But what about us as individuals, putting what we have been labeled as in terms of science aside? What about our personalities? What about the things that make us unique? I could go on and on and I'm sure many others think about some of the same things.

My point is that many medications strip away personalities, health pro's use a bipolar individuals non-medicated state as a scapegoat when it comes to the individuals expectations with their treatment, many individuals experience stagnation as opposed to progression in their lives after being medicated, and bipolar is far from being treated optimally.

And again, I very much feel for you and all others who are going through the same thing.

At the end of the day, I'm just a mentally ill individual. Western logic throws my reasoning out of the window, never to be seen.