Woman who have wanted/had a baby with bipolar...come read this.

I'll try to make this as short as possible. My husband and I have had two miscarriages in the first trimester, both last year. After the second, we decided to start using protection because we were tired, emotionally.

Anyway, I got diagnosed with bipolar a month or so ago. I'm on seroquel and lithium. I'm also on the pill. Well, I just had a pregnancy scare. I got a positive home test, then my blood test was a super low number that dropped. So I had a chemical pregnancy (early miscarriage)

I was started on these meds like a week or two ago so I doubt that is why this happened. I know I shouldn't try to get pregnant on pysch meds but I can't help the desire of wanting a baby...especially after so many losses.

My pdoc said "You shouldn't bring a baby into the world."
And, my husband is dead set against it now since I'm too "mentally ill to care for myself or a child."

I feel like nobody is hearing my desire to be a Mom. My heart is aching and I'm sitting here in tears. Nobody thinks I should be a Mom because of my bipolar. Will it always be like this?

Am I wrong to want a baby? I'm so sad.

I just see babies everywhere and my heart literally aches when I see a cute little baby. I have this deep desire to be a Mom that is killing me. I want it more than anything.

But, now I'm wondering if I'm selfish for wanting a baby with Bipolar 1
I don't want to mess up a child...it's just so sad. My husband and I have a beautiful home and more than enough money to care for a child...I think we would be just fine parents.

Everybody is all like, don't ever have a baby. You're mentally ill.

I will DIE if I can never be a Mother. It's my only, big dream. To be a Mom.

at the moment i myself do not want to have children (and I guess my general craziness is part of it).

But i don't think that having few mental quirks means you shouldn't have children...

You aren't wrong to want a baby, but I have to agree with the people saying you should not have one, at least not at this point in your life. By reading your posts, you are still very unstable, and for one thing, very few meds can be taken during pregnancy and still not harm the baby. This would leave you even more unstable than you are right now. Then after the baby is born, when it needs you to feed and care for it, you will be EXHAUSTED from caring for the baby, while still being mentally unstable and trying to get back on meds that work. That will make it an awful situation for both you and the baby.

Sorry, but having experienced friends and family with newborns, I can't agree with putting a newborn in the hands of an unstable bipolar adult. Any adult, not just you in particular.

It isn't very sympathetic, but IMO, it is the truth.
~Buggs

Should you get in a healthy, safe relationship first?

In another post you said that you were having martial problems. Are you looking into counseling?

There are many wonderful mothers who have a MI. It shouldn't stop you.

Thank you both for your responses.

I understand it not being a good idea at this exact moment, but never? I think that's a little harsh.

Yup, we're in weekly marital counseling.
That's one of our issues...the whole baby thing.

I had my son before I was diagnosed. Last year we wanted to try again and I tried going off my meds but it just did not work. Having mental illness should not stop you from having a baby at some point, but the timing has to be right. It is definitely harder to have a child to take care of when you are trying to keep yourself straight. I also worry about the genetics of my MI in regard to my son.

I will worry about that, too. I don't want to pass off this Bipolar or these hallucinations and stuff to a innocent little baby. It's awful to live like this. I wouldn't even call what I've done the past few years "living."

I don't think not EVER. I think not right now, probably not a good idea. But once you are in a good place in your marriage, and you have been stable for good time, and have the ins and out of Bipolar worked out, and lots of tools to deal with everything. Then it is an ok idea.

You would have to be on very few meds during pregnancy. Lithium is a definite no. Seroquel isn't a no, but it has serious risks. You would need a lot of coping skills, and a strong support team in place.

I have three kids, and Bipolar 1. I had my kids after my first dx, but I was in complete denial, I was not ill, and I was not going to be seeking treatment. I did alright, but let me tell you, it was very very very hard. My kids only have one year between them each. So they were all very young at once. The postpartum depression was soo awful. I managed to do ok , but it was a real struggle.

Now, now I am doing really good, when my pdoc asks if I am stressed with the kids, umm no? they are the easiest best part of my life. Being a single mom I get that a lot "oh, it must be so hard" but it isn't. It isn't anymore because I have a lot of tools, I have good support, I have most of my bipolar kinks worked out, and I am constantly working on it.

MI isn't the deciding factor on weather you will be a good parent. Being able to meet all of your child's needs in a healthy environment is.

With the fear of passing mental illness on to your child, no one escapes this fear, could be cancer, diabetes, epilepsy... I understand that fear, I just want to put it in perspective a bit.

Thank you, Aniki!

I'm going to stay on my meds and keep going to therapy until I feel like I'm in a better place with myself and my marriage. I'll come back to the idea when I feel more stable.

I hope I'll be a Mom one day. Not right now, but one day.

I want a good life and enviorment for my child so I'll work on getting my stuff straightened so one day...things will be good enough so I can try to get pregnant.

I'm leaving it in God's hands...and hoping for the best.

I don't have children but I want them. The thing is, I know I can't take proper care of a baby until I can take care of myself first. Having bipolar doesn't mean you should never have children, just that it's a medical condition you need to, well, consider. You wouldn't jump headfirst into a pregnancy if you had a heart condition, it's the same kind of deal.

So it's good that you're deciding to take a step back and take time for yourself and your own healing first. I wish you all the best!

My 3 pregnancies were hard. Premature labor. Bed rest. I delivered on time but I don't ever want to be pregnant again. I wasn't diagnosed until 5 years after my youngest was born. My kids are worth it. And I know how it is to really want kids. I'd get a very good plan and know it may be a very bumpy ride. I had pregnancy depression and post partum depression with all 3. (I'm bp 1 too) I had hallucinations after my 2nd and 3rd were born but I wasn't diagnosed so they dismissed it. Mostly, my moods were intense as happens with normal pregnancies but I'd worry that yours could get worse. It was hard enough as it was on Zoloft for me. I can only imagine my moods now not on lithium or Zyprexa.

Every woman's body reacts differently to pregnancy. I want to start by saying my kids are worth everything I've gone through and am going through. And that I am sorry this is so long. This is what is going on with me, here goes. I am pregnant right now, due April 2012 with my third. This will be my last pregnancy. We conceived our first after 2.5 yrs on fertility drugs, and that was a great pregnancy. I was off all meds, working out and no complications. She was born in 2004, I had serious postpartum depression (PPD), and 4 months in I got pregnant with my 2nd. It was a case of assuming I couldn't ovulate without help and being proven wrong! It was a harder pregnancy, but not unbearable. I was depressed, and manic all over the place and had to be on meds the whole time. I also had "loose joints" which caused pain and ultimately resulted in a dislocated shoulder during labor. I had very serious PPD and was hospitalized as a danger to myself for the first time, all in 2005. I recovered and have done well for the last 3.5 yrs so we decided to try again. I went off meds while we were trying and did fine, then I got pregnant. My hormones went nuts! My thyroid went out of control, I went from 12.5 Levothyroxine to 175 right now, and I've gained 70+ lbs. The "loose joints" of my last pregnancy have become an overproduction of Relaxin which has resulted in human hip dysplasia. I have been in great pain and my right hip dislocates so I have been in and out of a wheel chair, since it tends to happen when I walk and I end up falling. I am extremely uncomfortable all the time and I am having Braxton Hicks which is painful. There have also been several complications with the baby. These things have been VERY difficult on my emotional stability and I am steadily going downhill. I am on my 5th med increase in 5 months. I've been hospitalized twice for a "stress vacation" twice in the 33 wks I've been pregnant. Obviously this has been a strain on my marriage as well, as my husband has become my major caretaker. Every pregnancy has gotten worse and I have never gotten back to where I was before I got pregnant the first time. I am terrified of PPD this time around. Thanks for sticking with me for this long post!

I want children too. I know I'm not stable enough yet for one, but I have a goal in mind - get myself stable in time to adopt in 5 years. I can't have children of my own (no uterus), so the meds issue is a moot point for me (I likely won't be able to breast feed either). My partner also battles mental illness, though not bipolar. We both are looking forward to the day when we can have children.

You can and should have a baby if you want one but it's safest to plan the pregnancy and make sure you're stable and not on meds that can harm the baby in the first trimester. We are planning another child in the future, maybe a couple of years and my pdoc is very supportive. Just be aware it will be hard on you emotionally and chemically and might take a long time to restabilize after a pregnancy.

It's natural to want a baby being a woman. I am a mother of 4 kids, ages 19 thru 9, and I was diagnosed two years ago....they have been shuffled around between their dads and I their whole lives while in my manic phases(didn't know that's what it was) and I was not a very good mom to them while in my care....kids are a blessing and a joy, but VERY emotionally tiring, and being bipolar makes it worse. I'm not saying my story is the norm, but I suggest waiting until your meds are working, maybe take some parenting courses, and developing a strong support circle(family,friends,groups)...kids need stability, and with time, you will be able to provide it!

Bein a mom was the greatest thing I have ever experienced but being a mom that is bipolar 2.. is another story. I have a 7 yr old daughter and my son is almost 4. My uncontrollable reckless life is not what they deserve. Its not possible for me to have a healthy relationship so Im single and their dad only sees them oh.. few times a year. My daughter is so normal, she looks at me and I feel like she distances herself from me. She spends all her time at my moms house. she wouldnt come home to my house if i didnt put a guilt trip on her (about twice a week) I feel letting her stay with my mom is best so she doesnt have to deal with me. My son is me.. he has the same devil inside him that has possessed me my entire life.. He was permanently kicked out of head start, a program they said was designed for kids that were behind, special, and poor kids. They worked with him at first. taught him signs b/c his little brain worked faster than his mouth could possibly spit anything out. He screamed 23 hours a day and I am not exaggerating as a new mom you want to fix what ever is wrong with your baby and I couldnt. He only slept 45min to an hour n 15 min at a time before waking up screaming agian. He hated to be held close or loved which made it hard to bond with him from the moment he was born. Finally when he was 10 months old my mom and I were exhausted and entered him in early head start. I was so scared someone would hurt him from stress or aggravation of him screaming. It was traumatizing for both of us. I cried he cried and I took him to dr after dr. they told me he would be ADD and they could medicate him when he was 4! I would take him home and we would all be miserable together. Around 14-15 months he started sleeping 1-2 hours at a time around 2yrs sleepin 3-4hrs at time. and now almost 4 he still wakes me up atleast 2 times a night. He was kicked out of headstart before 3 for abusing the teachers and other kids. His anger is unreal, his mood swings are crazier than mine, he is the sweetest kindest loving little boy and then he has this look in his eyes and its like someone else took over his body and watch out! or he might switch in to bouncing mode.. and he cant do anything except move, and fast, bouncing off the walls, he could climb the cabinets by age2. He has had sensory issues since birth, makes him do things like lick a random person walking by. He cycles, and our cycles together are crazy. He is just as spontaneous as I am, He lives for anything that is dangerous. He has no fear except loud noises. Severe separation issues. Now that he talks he stutters to an extreme. I think his little mind races as mine does making it hard to say what he is thinking. Everything about him for my mother is like looking at me again when I was little. And everyday I have to live with the fact that I did it to him. Had I adopted or not had kids He wouldnt have been born with the devil inside him. I love my kids and I do the best I can for them but I know that being Bipolar 2/not medicated is gonna have a negative impact in their lives. I only hope I can love and support my sons every decision as my mother has done for me. I dont know if I am capable though... I turn my emotions and love off like a light switch, not meaning to I close people especially loved ones off and become cold. I cant fix myself how am I ever gonna help him?? If you have a baby its a 50/50 chance of having ur disorder. Does that bother you? Is your bipolar being managed? and how will it impact your childs life. There is more to it than just having a baby. Its not bad to want or have a baby if your bipolar.. You should just think about the big picture and the effects on everyone's life that is involved. I love my kids.. But If I would have realized what I was doing I think I would have made different decisions, not saying I wouldnt have them but maybe I would have had a better understanding of bipolar and the effects on kids n family. I had no Idea it could be genetic.. I thought I was just a bad seed growing up..

you have to get yourself into a good place mentally, with meds that help and therapy, there are meds that are safer in pregnancy like Abilify, I think seroquel is ok to but check with your doctor. Lithium is not a good one. Maybe you can talk to your pdoc about trying to stabilise you on drugs that are safe for trying to have a baby so when you are stable you can get on with the trying!!!!!

I am bipolar 1 and I have 4 grown, happy successful children with good marriages. I had them all before I was diagnosed, although I had post -partum psychosis after the first child, but it was not correctly diagnosed. That is why your marriage should be really solid before you try to have a child. My first husband was abusive and contributed to the break. My second husband was very supportive, and I also had lots of support from friends at church for the next 3 children.

It is a myth that bipolars should not have children. The idea is, that if you do decide to have them, is to put them first. That doesn't mean spoiling them rotten, it means if you are depressed, you get out of bed, you take care of them, and you love them even if you don't feel like it. It means if you are hypomanic, you don't run off on them - spend the money that should be spent on them for clothes, toys and whatever on yourself, or have a reckless sexual episode and abandon them.

Basically being a mom means being unselfish and loving your kids. If you think you can do that, regardless of the moods, then I would go ahead when you and your husband are ready, and have a child. None of my 4 are mentally ill, despite a lot of issues in our home. They had unconditional love from both parents, and that covers a multitude of sins.

I too am considering the decision of one day having a baby naturally and am torn. However 'wanting' a baby isn't a good enough reason to have one in my opinion, the possibilities of endangering your relationship, you baby and yourself are more important things to consider than simply 'really wanting' a baby. Some things we want and we shouldn't have. People with diabetes sure as hell want sugary sweets but because it's not safe for them they don't have them.

It sounds like you need to become stable before even thinking about adding another thing to your plate and I agree with your partner on this one. He is looking out for your best interests, his best interests, a possible child's best interests and your relationship's best interest and so should you. Given though, it sounds like he might not be putting it in the nicest way, but sometimes this type of stuff needs blunt honesty over sugar-coating.

It took me over 6 years of concentrating on myself to find stability within my bipolar, it took many drugs, a **** load of therapy and a huge amount of support and understanding from my family to get to this point. All I can say is that it was hell, and much like you I wanted something I wasn't ready to have. I was removed from University studies 4 times in those years by my medical team because I wasn't stable enough to continue, but I was lucky they saw what I couldn't when I was amongst it all. You need to admit that your illness is a huge pain in your arse that you need to slowly get a handle on and that has to be your top priority, if it isn't then there is no way you'll ever get even close to the things you want and you will no doubt lose what you already have in the process of denial. Believe me, I lost a lot and I don't want you to do the same.

Get your own individual arse in therapy, go through the horrible ******** of finding the right meds for you (this takes a long time) and begin your journey to stability. I'm here and I'm sure I won't always be here (it's never cured, that's for sure) but I'm finally able to look at those big decisions from this point in my life. I want you to be able to do that one day too.

Gen x