[Secretum]

I'm posting this thread because mood disorders are genetic, and chances are that many of you have sick siblings.

My 14 y/o brother was recently diagnosed with depression, and...I am jealous. Jealous that he is getting help at such a young age, while I had to struggle for 7 years. I also am jealous that someone noticed that all was not right with him, while I suffered in secret; this is a ridiculous reason for envy because my brother is a much more open person than I am. He told our parents that he felt depressed, while I, for the most part, kept my illness as hidden as possible.

I feel really guilty over this, because I know that I should be glad that he is getting help. I was worried about him, and I asked my parents to take him to a therapist several times before. And now that he is in treatment, I can't fully support him because I envy him?!? How messed up is that?

Does anyone have any suggestions for how I can get over this? I have been having hostile thoughts concerning his condition, even to the point of thinking that I am "stronger" for waiting to seek treatment! I feel terrible over this. I want the best for him, and I know that that includes treatment for his mood disorder.

Can anyone relate?

[Merlin]

I feel envy towards my brother, but that is because he does not have depression or bipolar. I think, regarding your brother, it's a natural emotion, but one you will have to "get over." I am not suggesting it will be easy or that you did something wrong in feeling the way you do, but I think it's time to use your treatment, i.e. therapist, to work past these feelings. I think you could be a great support to your brother if you can, and, at some point, he will probably return the favour and support you.

[BuggsBunny]

All I can think of is that because of you, your brother got treatment earlier. After going through it with you, your parents were more likely to listen to you when you said he needed help, or more likely to notice the changes, or something like that. Don't be mad at your brother, it isn't his fault you were diagnosed first. Be proud of yourself for blazing the tough trail to getting help, so that he didn't have to suffer all the years you did. Don't let the jealousy get to you.

My older sister hates me because she had to blaze the trail. What could have made us unique partners and friends has instead turned into a competition on her part that I not get anything better, faster, or easier than she does. And the competition even included my Dad's love. She hasn't spoken to me since my father died, because of her anger, jealousy, and hatred over a one sided competition.

Instead, continue being an advocate for your brother. Make it your goal that he does have it easier. He'll thank you for it one day.

[hamster-bamster]

It is very tough being envious. You have my sympathy.

[ManicDad]

I understand how you feel, but like someone pointed out its because of you that he got treatment much sooner. My brother doesn't have any mood disorders and I envy the hell out of that --- especially when he makes jokes about mine.

[moremi]

I envy my brother because he has found a way to go med free. I am trying so hard to get there. He went vegan and I guess the lifestyle change has really been good for his bipolar. I dont think I have the self discipline to do it. He really is doing better though and I am happy for him because I know how bad he has gotten and know how it feels. I am so glad he found a way around all the meds and the bipolar symptoms.

[Secretum]

Thanks everyone! Bugs, I'm sorry that your sister won't let herself have a real relationship with you. From what I know of you, it's her loss. I hope that my brother and I never get like that; we're really close now.

For those of you with healthy siblings or a brother whose bp is under control, I can understand why you would be envious.

Merlin, you're right. I should discuss this with my therapist. It's really rooted in my hurt from dealing with 7 years of untreated bp.

[Confusedinomicon]

It's important you get past this. There is probably resentment that you were untreated for 7 years, but at least mental illness is not nearly as stigmatized as it was even 10-20 years ago. Honestly, had I not been treated 3 years ago (at 19!) I would probably not be alive right now. Everyone in the psych ward when I was at the hospital questioned why I was there because I was the youngest in that ward. However, that moment changed my life for the better and I just feel *lucky* that I was provided help. I suffered since I was 11? when I tried my first attempt, but I don't have any resentment towards anyone. Both of my parents were in denial until I got hospitalized but I don't blame them. I wouldn't want to believe there was anything wrong with my children, either.

My sister has a reading comprehension problem, but as far as we know she doesn't have any mood disorders but she has fought and continued her education. My mom is constantly discriminated against because she did not have the opportunity to attend school and english is her second language....As you can see, struggles are everywhere and all we can do is fight and move forward. Dwelling on what has happened hinders your ability to move forward because it's so easy to ruminate.

[Irreplaceable]

Jealousy comes along with depression. What you're describing sounds "normal". At times, i'm guilty of envying my sister. I love her and look up to her but she is so different than me and I envy her because of that. I cant' help but wonder if I weren't like this, how I would have turned out. I can relate when you mention getting help now that you're older...I wish someone would have noticed something or asked me how I felt instead of brushing off how I felt.

Edit after reading Confused's post. I can't help but to be resentful towards my parents about this...I mean, about not noticing anything. They were both so wrapped up in their own world that they didn't talk to me and see if maybe there was something going on. There were tons of obvious signs. At times I feel bad about resenting them but I can't help it.

[Confusedinomicon]

There are a LOT of studies that show we are really bad at detecting depression. What you believe are obvious signs may not have been unless your parents could see your behavior in multiple facets of your life. I fought with my parents about getting help but was ignored because they didnt know what mental illness was. They did what they knew and they were closeminded about it. However I cant be angry. Im blessed enough that the stigma is not that terrible that eventually I could take my health into my own hands. My quality of life is in my own hands. Im probably more optimisitic about my prognosis then others. Im also a big believer in staying in the present...this would have come out better if i wasnt using my phone...but thats the gist of it.