[BlueFaith]

... really seems like such a hard task these past few days. But I am trying so hard. I think sometimes I am maybe pushing myself too hard.... like I am trying to MAKE myself well. I am trying to keep a positive attitude, and trying to do better than I have in the past. But inside I feel like I am going to explode. I've always been good at taking care of other people, but not taking care of ME. I'm trying so hard to stay positive and make this a good day. It doesn't seem to be working. I think I am so afraid to let my guard down, because I don't want to end up back where I was 2 months ago. I guess it all boils down to this: I don't know how to stay strong, but I refuse to back down. This is really getting to me now. I want my family and everyone around me to be happy, and I am pushing myself so hard just to stay well, because I know how they all worry when I'm not. I'm just a little confused... I don't know what to do with myself today.

[WillowTree30]

(((((((((((((((MentalPollution)))))))))))))

Strangely, I know exactly what you are feeling right now. I am a single mother of 2, so I at least try to stay strong for them. But lately, it just seems so overwhelming. Everyone in the "outside world" seems to think that all you have to do is put on a happy face and everything will be better. HA.....
I do feel as if its something that you have to want on the inside. As my fiance says.."happiness is a choice".
I hope you find some happiness & peace today

[bipolar_bear]

I wish it was so easy as wishing yourself well. Do you have a t and a pdoc? Unfortunately it is a chemical imbalance you are trying to overcome. Maybe you need your meds adjusted? I am so sorry that you are still feeling so poorly. Please concentrate on getting yourself well right now. PM me if you want to talk. Unfortunately I know this feeling all too well. (((((((((((MentalPollution))))))))))))

Jenn-- Maybe you do need a med adjustment or change.

Sure, they're not a cure all but I would like to think they'd keep you more stable than what you describe.

Is your T and P-doc aware just how bad it is?

I know I have a tendancy to downplay my situation..."I'm fine. How are you? Look how normal I am."

BUT what happens is I get to the point of no return then have to fess up how yucky I really am.

Sending positive vibes.

Petunia

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((((((((((Jenn)))))))))))))))))))))

[BlueFaith]

Thanks ((((everyone)))).
I have an appointment with my pdoc Tuesday. I called them and told them I need to be seen sooner than my scheduled appointment. The soonest they could get me in is Tuesday. I think I may need a medication adjustment, too. The day went better than I thought it would. So, i'm just hoping tomorrow will be even better. Thanks again for all your replies... it means a lot.

Just sending you love and hugs!

(((((((((((((MP)))))))))))))))))

[brianm101]

((((((((((((((Jenn))))))))))))))))

[Azalysa]

{{{{{Jenn}}}}}

I have a totally opposite lifestyle - I'm single with no children so I don't have the responsibilities of trying to keep on for their sakes.

I take the other route and when I feel really badly, I head to bed and or rest. I may be overdoing it the other direction, but I've read that rest is often the best "medicine." So perhaps maybe making time for ~you~ would help take some of the pressure off.

As a sidenote: My father did many things to abuse his body for years - alchoholic, chain smoker, ate a lot of heavy meats before cholesterol was discovered - was angry at just about everything....BUT!!!! he always got plenty of rest. He is now in his 70's, remarried the last 5 years and going strong. That alway sticks in my head.

Please...take care of you as much as possible within your personal family composition!!

Warmly....

[BlueFaith]

Thanks, (((time0))) (((brian))) (((Azalysa)))

I went to the pdoc this morning and had one of my meds changed and another adjusted. I think this might be just what I needed. We'll see how this works out. but in the meantime, I AM going to find some time for myself and get some rest. WHEW!

[DaveyJones]

Sorry I couldn't be timely in jumping in here, Jenn...you have really been through it lately. I don't know much, but I do know that one of the most important things you can do is get your 8 hours every night. I'm glad you got in tho see your pdoc early...things will be geting better soon!

Thinking of you,
DJ