[grandmaof3]

I've been really down for a few weeks now.I stayed in bed most of the day again. My house is a disaster because no one cleans but me and every time I come out of my bedroom and see the mess it just pisses me off and I go back in my room where its clean. And it is a real mess.Really. My daughter leaves the baby's dirty diapers laying around. I can't stand it. My yard is a mess too. My husband hasn't cut the lawn in 3 week and I can't do it myself and its driving me crazy. My husband said something about the house tonught and my daughter said don't look at me ,mom was in bed all day..like I'm just being lazy or something. I keep saying to myself I'll clean it up tomorrow but then tomorrow comes and I can't drag myself out of bed. I asked my daughter to please just clean up the mess she made..the empty soda cans, dirty diapers, dishes etc and she says she can't because she is taking care of the baby. Tells me I'm a B**** and ignores me. None of this is helping my mood. Thanks for letting me vent.

[ManicDad]

Im sorry you're going thru all that. It's terrible your daughter is doing that to you. She needs to have more respect and understanding of your condition. Have you tried to explain to her that it's not laziness, it's depression? how old is she? Taking care of a baby is a tough job, but it doesn't mean you no longer have to clean up after yourself.

I hope things get better for you soon.

[grandmaof3]

Thanks ManicDad. My daughter is 15. And she is also bipolar so she should definately be more understanding.

[Confusedinomicon]

You could probably watch the baby as it took a nap and she could use that time to clean up after herself. You aren't her slave and it's just plain rude for her not to have the decency to clean after herself. You should talk to your husband, too, so he knows that HE needs to clean up after himself. I am sure they are both at fault in this as you have kept the space you're in fairly clean. I think both of them just expect you to clean after them so they are surprised there is a mess in the house because no one is behind them cleaning after them.

Talk to them and set up some system to get them in shape.

My mom actually trained my dad to clean. He cleans the same things around the same time everyday so things are rarely messy at my parents home. Another thing my mom ingrained was to replace everything you've used. (Which I've finally started to get OUT of the home!) So if you have dirty clothes, they should always go in the hamper...or if you dirty a dish, wash it immediately after use. Don't leave anything in the sink...etc

[zbmom]

Man I'm sorry, sounds like your daughter is ungrateful. If she is living there rent free she should be cleaning the house. Maybe talk to your husband about the arrangement?

[ManicDad]

15 is definitely old enough to clean up after herself. I agree with zbmom. Talk to your husband and see if maybe between the two of you, you can get through to her?

And as far as her being bp as well, she really should understand where you're coming from. Sometimes kids that age think that the whole world revolves around them, and it wouldn't hurt to remind her that you are not just her mom, you're a person too. You have problems and issues just like anyone else, and she needs to understand that. you're not just there to serve her.

really hope things get better soon.

[~Christina]

I agree with everyone else ....

You need more respect from your daughter ,, she has Bipolar also but thats no excuse the fact your her parent and that deserves respect ... And im sorry her leaving dirty diapers lying about ... theres NO excuse for that at all ..

((((((HUGS)))))) to you and I hope you and your husband can find a way thru this and be a united front..

[nacht]

Definitely have a talk with your daughter, or get your husband to do it. She needs to be doing her share. I know caring for a baby is a busy job but every mother I know of can at least take the handful of seconds or so to put dirty diapers in the trash where they belong. There is no excuse for her to just leave them lying around, and it can make all of you sick, baby included. There are simple chores she can do while the baby is napping that only take a few minutes to complete.

I ended up making a chart of chores that need to be done (like Sunday is our laundry day, Saturday is the day I work on the yard, dishes need to be washed and/or cleared every day, that kind of thing) and whose turn it is to do what. I also sat my boyfriend down and explained to him that sometimes I may be more capable of keeping up with chores than I am at other times, and I won't leave everything on him but there are days I will need him to pick up the slack. So when I'm depressed I may only be capable of clearing out the dishes, or putting a load of laundry in the washer, and I tell him when I am so he can do whatever else needs to be done (except yardwork. He's horribly allergic to pollen and grass seed so until we can afford to call in someone to work on the yard on a regular basis, that one falls on me) until I'm feeling better.

I wish I had better suggestions for you. *hugs* I'm sorry you're going through this. Depression sucks.

[faerie_moon_x]

Oh yes, it makes me so mad that I am made responsible for cleaning the whole house despite working full time then coming home to take care of the baby. My house is a disaster, too, because I am just dragging myself day to day. I haven't even been capable of sorting (like putting away laundry, I get it washed but sorting is not working for more for some reason...) for six months.

So I feel you.

[KeepGoing8]

Hi Gma of 3, I've lived with a slew of young housemates who often need some extra guidance on how to take care of their homespace. The Chore Wheel is a popular device here in California: land of the Lost Boys, "I don't wanna grow up" generation This link has a pretty good description of how the wheel works. Perhaps you all could benefit from a Chore Wheel system Good luck! And take care
http://hipgirlshome.com/blog/2011/5/...t-project.html

[grandmaof3]

Thanks everyone.I'm feeling a little better today. Told my daughter I would only drive her to her friends house if she cleaned up her mess, which she did. She is gone for the weekend and my husband also went out of town so I'm here alone until sunday. I'm going to try to make myself get up and do something productive tomorrow. I'm going to try to mow the lawn even though its been less than 2 weeks since my neck surgery. The grass being too high is my pet peeve and since no one else seems to think it needs to be cut I feel I have to do it. I have piles of unfolded clean laundry on my dining room table that I can get put away> I feel like if I can get my house civil I'll be less depressed. I don't fall into depression that often, usually my problem is with mania or hypomania and the trouble that gets me into. I find it harder to cope with being depressed.