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#1
Apr 12, 2012, 06:52 PM
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ok, so i'm guilty of "blowing up" another thread & getting completely off topic... my bad!!!
 so yeah, here's a new thread for anyone who wants to discuss if/how they physically experience the episodes, the ups, the downs & in betweens of their bipolar disorder... so glad it's not just me... it's exasperating being so mentally whacked & having so many physical symptoms that it's just altogether ridiculously overwhelming... it's no wonder so many of us are head cases from time to time... God, i am so glad i am not alone in this earthly world with all this crap! when i'm manic, i can't sleep, obviously, i hardly eat... and i shop... non-stop.. i talk a thousand miles an hour & my insides are moving even faster than that... sometimes so much so that i get kind of an out of body experience of sorts.. i'm hyper-alert in every sense & it feels like i'm running even when i'm standing still.. when i'm depressed, it's just an overall intense heaviness to all my muscles.. i can feel it first in my face.. like the sadness is literally pulling my muscles and making them impossible to lift... there's, of course, the insane fatigue & apathy for everything... and i eat... and i eat... and i eat... sometimes my apetite disappears, but that's not the typical manifestation for me... when i'm mixed... there aren't words for how horrendous that feels... like too much of everything bottled up and shaken up like any kind of carbonated soda... with no way to release the intensity bound up inside and when i'm cycling... oh heavens, if it's possible, that's the worst of all... it's just a desperate "i want to crawl out of my own skin" sensation all over... and NOTHING soothes the... whatever it is that i'm feeling as i'm going through it... i really have no words to express what i experience physically when i'm actually in the process of cycling... it's genuinely awful
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if you see someone without a smile, give 'em yours 
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 Anonymous32507, BipolaRNurse, BlueInanna
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 BipolaRNurse, bpnos, cybermember, dillpickle1983
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#2
Apr 12, 2012, 08:02 PM
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I'm 33. over 20 of those years I have lied to myself, rationalized, and just survived. basically ran like hell from all of this. It's the last couple months I have had to be honest. I really don't know exactly how I feel and when I feel it. Anyone else have this problem?
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| dillpickle1983, touchingsaturn
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#3
Apr 12, 2012, 11:16 PM
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Quote:
 Drives me bat-sh** crazy because I want everything to be neat and clean---I need it to be tangible and explainable, and that sense of not knowing WHAT the frijoles I'm feeling is neither.  I also loathe that want-to-crawl-out-of-my-skin sensation. Never knew what that was until my first mixed episode, and when it happened I could hardly stand myself---I didn't want to be in my own body. Gaaaahhhhh!
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DX: Bipolar 1 Anxiety Tardive dyskinesia Mild cognitive impairment RX: Celexa 20 mg Gabapentin 1200 mg Geodon 40 mg AM, 60 mg PM Klonopin 0.5 mg PRN Lamictal 500 mg Levothyroxine 125 mcg (rx'd for depression) Trazodone 150 mg Zyprexa 7.5 mg Please come visit me @ http://bpnurse.com |
| touchingsaturn
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| touchingsaturn
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#4
Apr 13, 2012, 04:41 AM
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Bipolar affects me physically big time because I also have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome so when I'm manic it really takes it's toll on me because I can't stop myself from moving so I end up over doing it and by body ends up in agony and so tired I can't move!!
When I'm depressed I get even more tired and sleep a lot more. I m also more sensitive to the pain of my fibromyalgia! Thx for this thread because it really does have an impact on us physically! |
| touchingsaturn
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| BipolaRNurse, touchingsaturn
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#5
Apr 13, 2012, 09:45 AM
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Quote:
It really does... and it's reassuring to know that each of us experiences the physicaility of the disorder, albeit in different ways... we spend so much time talking about how to cope with what's going on mentally, but rarely address the physical nightmare that bipolar episodes can cause... perhaps sharing our stories we can uncover some ways to cope with the physical stress in addition to managing the mental hardships... at least that's my goal!!! on that note, i just wondered.. is the actual cycling simply exhausting for any of you?? when i transition from high to low or to in between... it causes such a complete physical exhaustion (of course, it's mentally exhausting too, that goes without saying) that sometimes there's just nothing left of me to get up and keep going through the day.. i literally take anywhere from several hours to a full day or longer to recouperate and recover before i'm back to what i'll call my actual self.... anyone else experience this?? and have you found any means by which you can recover more quickly or deal more effectively with the physical aftermath of the cycling and/or episodes?? @landskaperdan & BipolaRNurse i have found that over the years, my sense of self-awareness has progressed quite a bit from when i first started actually acknowledging & trying to flounder my way through dealing with the illness... i was a wreck for at least the first ten years i was experiencing the symptoms of the illness... even after being diagnosed, i often had no real sense of what exactly it was that i was feeling & absolutely NO awareness that what i was going thru was being caused directly by the changes in my brain chemistry... to be honest, when i was diagnosed, i didn't have a clue what the diagnosis even meant... or what it would mean for the rest of my life... it takes time, and it really sucks ***** in the mean time... but hopefully over time, your ability to accurately identify (and thus be capable of processing & dealing with) what's going on inside will also grow... and in time, you will be all the more in tune with your brain's chemical changes & how they manifest in your physical being... you will feel more empowered & be more able to effectively address what you're going through and hopefully manages some of what's causing it... unfortunately, i don't think there are many things about bipolar that lend themselves to being tagged, identified & boxed neatly to fit on a shelf in any organized manner... the intangibility of what we experience, both physically and mentally, can be exasperating beyond words... i think that's why it's so incredibly difficult to explain to anyone who doesn't actually experience it themselves... and also why so many people in our lives have trouble gaining a full understanding of what we actually go through... that being said, i am very thankful to have pc so i can talk to other people who have basically been in my shoes.. and not only walked a mile... but run a marathon... 
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if you see someone without a smile, give 'em yours
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| BipolaRNurse
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#6
Apr 13, 2012, 11:32 AM
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Quote:
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| touchingsaturn
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#7
Apr 13, 2012, 03:01 PM
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OMW I was content untill I read this, being new I didn't know it could affect you physically THAT much.
Oh yes I can relate the no sleep, work work work, clean clean clean and being called hyper. Also talking and rambling soooo fast that you actually skip words to get to your next story, feeling onvinceable. Then the can't get out of bed stage, dishes piling up. No hope and you pray the day just goes by. Then the what am I feeling jump out of skin one jip. Thank you so much for posting this it's been an eye opener ( they don't tell you all this ) |
| touchingsaturn
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#8
Apr 13, 2012, 04:32 PM
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Quote:
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| touchingsaturn
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| touchingsaturn
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#9
Apr 13, 2012, 06:20 PM
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I have alot of physical symptoms too. When you get depressed and it is at its
worst do you feel so much pain you just fall to your knees and wait for it to pass. Its so bad. And then I can get this pain in my head and my thought processes just go numb. I am a teacher so I just crash and burn. Then when I start getting really manic I can get all these weird feelings. Stuff like hyperventelating (that can happen when I am extremely depressed too) and feeling like I am about to leave my body. Do you guys get these types of feelings?
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Bipolar I, 500mg depakote er 1 in morning 2 at bedtime, 80 mg geodon 3 capsule at bedtime, 150 mg wellbutrin 2 times daily, 5 mg abilify every morning 5 mg haldol 3 times daily 2 mg trihexyphenidyl 4 times daily |
| touchingsaturn
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#10
Apr 13, 2012, 10:19 PM
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That's exactly how I feel.
glad you posted this. |
| touchingsaturn
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| touchingsaturn
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#11
Apr 14, 2012, 12:16 AM
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Anyone ever feel detached and far away like you're watching yourself when manicky? Like it feels so good and courses through you like an electric charge but, you're not really there, maybe so impulsive you're saying things or doing things before thinking it, can't even finish a thought haha. It feels good though like an amazing dream.
It is fun when I'm up and I can just open my mouth and say the darndest things! I'm normally witty but, damn I get good. Sometimes physical sensations are amazing like sex! Other times, it is so irritating. Like touch is just impeeding on my sense of self and bright lights and sounds get so annoying I get all tense and want to scream! I usually do or end up shaking swaying not wanting to stop moving from too much tension. Sometimes it just feels like that pit of your stomach. When you're on a roller coaster and just started the drop after reaching the high point, it is fun, a tickle in my bones. Depression is crap, a load of bricks in all my body. Like gravity got stronger and sometimes can't even keep my eyes open while moving. I can get sore and just so weak. It sometimes feels good though, not good but, hmm I dunno it draws you in to a place where all you need is a blanket and a bowl of spagetti. I crave pasta when depressed. I can eat until my stomach hurts and eat again 20 mins later. I devour it like wanting a cigarette, it satisfies and then, I sleep and sleep. Sometimes though, it hurts so bad, I can feel a vacuum in me, like I'm being ripped away and I just cry and cry. It is emotional pain that hurts like a severe migraine. Then there are the times which might be mixed? Eh, where it is like your depression has speeded up. Like you're being pulled in two directions and sometimes so so happy and then so angry, depressed wanting to die. That's when I would definitely hallucinate or start thinking weird thoughts... And physically if I stop moving or shaking it is torture but, painful to move like I'm the center of an elastic being stretched to it's limits. God, it is hell. It can't be described properly. Descriptions like these I start and my psychiatrists have given me weird looks so, I give up and downplay it all. Maybe bipolar 2 isn't the right diagnosis lol. |
| touchingsaturn, xraydiva09
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| BipolaRNurse, noneedtoknow, touchingsaturn
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#12
Apr 14, 2012, 12:00 PM
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Sounds like your describing me Touchingsaturn.
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Dousing the flames of ruin I have razed... smokey. |
| touchingsaturn
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| touchingsaturn
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#13
Apr 14, 2012, 01:50 PM
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If I could mix all of your lovely people's symptoms together, that is how Bi-Polar makes me feel LOL....
The hypomania for me is amazing, but doesnt come that often. To me, its what I think I should feel like as a "normal" person. Very energetic, funny, bubbly, talkative, more self confidence, and not as tired....I wish it would pay a visit more often but shhh...dont tell my PDoc that lol... The depression sucks a*s.....no energy, irritable, suicidal thoughts, want to sleep all the time.....low low low... Now I also experience something else and if someone could give me a word for it, I would much appreciate it....When I am off my meds, I get these voices in my head (not like schizo type thing....its actually my own thoughts) and my own thoughts tell me the stupidest things and I get mad over it.....My thought will tell me something like "your signifigant other is running late...he must be cheating" and my rational thought will tell it that "no thats not true" and It will tell me "but it could be".....what in the world is that?? I take Topamax for the thoughts, etc...and its gone now....occcassionally I get that channel flipping static at night when I am trying to sleep, but thats about it....
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Diagnosed Bi-Polar II and Awesome in 2011 Currently take 50mg of Topamax, 30mg of Celexa, 100mg Provigil, 2mg of Cyproheptadine, and .5mg of Xanax as needed.... Pour contents in blender, add ice.....enjoy..... |
| touchingsaturn
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#14
Apr 14, 2012, 08:08 PM
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@cocoabeans:
ok, so i can so completely identify with so much of what you said... so i'm just going to make everything i experience (almost identically) bold.. as kind of an echo that you're not alone in what you feel... "Anyone ever feel detached and far away like you're watching yourself when manicky? Like it feels so good and courses through you like an electric charge but, you're not really there, maybe so impulsive you're saying things or doing things before thinking it, can't even finish a thought haha. It feels good though like an amazing dream. It is fun when I'm up and I can just open my mouth and say the darndest things! I'm normally witty but, damn I get good. Sometimes physical sensations are amazing like sex! Other times, it is so irritating. Like touch is just impeeding on my sense of self and bright lights and sounds get so annoying I get all tense and want to scream! I usually do or end up shaking swaying not wanting to stop moving from too much tension. Sometimes it just feels like that pit of your stomach. When you're on a roller coaster and just started the drop after reaching the high point, it is fun, a tickle in my bones. Depression is crap, a load of bricks in all my body. Like gravity got stronger and sometimes can't even keep my eyes open while moving. I can get sore and just so weak. It sometimes feels good though, not good but, hmm I dunno it draws you in to a place where all you need is a blanket and a bowl of spagetti. I crave pasta when depressed. I can eat until my stomach hurts and eat again 20 mins later. I devour it like wanting a cigarette, it satisfies and then, I sleep and sleep. Sometimes though, it hurts so bad, I can feel a vacuum in me, like I'm being ripped away and I just cry and cry. It is emotional pain that hurts like a severe migraine. Then there are the times which might be mixed? Eh, where it is like your depression has speeded up. Like you're being pulled in two directions and sometimes so so happy and then so angry, depressed wanting to die. That's when I would definitely hallucinate or start thinking weird thoughts... And physically if I stop moving or shaking it is torture but, painful to move like I'm the center of an elastic being stretched to it's limits. God, it is hell. It can't be described properly. Descriptions like these I start and my psychiatrists have given me weird looks so, I give up and downplay it all. Maybe bipolar 2 isn't the right diagnosis lol." ok, so yeah, i get it... ALL of it... first read through i recognized things you said as if they could have been coming from my own mouth or as if they were typed by my own fingers.. then second read through, i realized... all of it... we might not use the exact same wording.. but i go through all of it too... sometimes i feel like i could deal with the mental stuff so much more effectively if i wasn't so overwhelmed by the physical manifestations of the various episodes & cycling... again, i have to say, God, i am most thankful to have found pc & be made conscious of the fact that i am NOT alone in this illness ... that there are people who truly "GET IT" .. and that talking to each other CAN help ... if you're a reader, check out "An Unquiet Mind" by Dr. Kay Redfield Jamison... even if you're not a reader, you may still find this book worthwhile.. if you're like me, you will feel like you're reading your own journal at times... it's a very well written autobiographical book by a professionally trained psychiatrist who has bipolar disorder... it's an amazingly good book & really helped me with identifying what i was experiencing & recognizing what behaviors were manifestations of the illness itself...
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if you see someone without a smile, give 'em yours
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| xraydiva09
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| BipolaRNurse
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#15
Apr 14, 2012, 08:15 PM
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when i get thoughts like that, encroaching on me.. and i can't shake it.. that i attribute to obsessive compulsive disorder... for which i'm not being treated... it's not severe... but ugh is it irritating when it kicks in.. like a light switch that's flipped ON and then duck taped in place... no matter how ridiculous the thought pattern... and even though my logical self can identify that i'm literally obsessing & it's causing me to overthink whatever it is that's stuck in my brain... and that is causing me to come to ludacris conclusions about insignificant things... i still can't shake it... eventually it passes (although never quickly enough)... and i'm always SOOOOOO grateful when those 'episodes' are over... is that anything like what you're describing??
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if you see someone without a smile, give 'em yours
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#16
Apr 15, 2012, 10:26 AM
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LOL YES!!!!! It is the most annoying damn thing I have ever experienced in my life....not that the depression and the cycling isnt....but then you got the peanut gallery in the back of your head trying to upset you and it really makes it worse....And that stupid little voice will try and try to convince me that something is real or true when I know in reality it isnt, and then I get all mad or upset....or I will replay something that happened over in my head days later and think what I shouldve done, and the little thought voice will chime in and piss me off lol.....and then I end up getting mad all over again....sometimes the little thought voice has more of a paranoid quality to it, and then other times it has more of an anger quality to it......either way, im glad the Topamax exterminated it lol.....and try explaining it to other non-bi polar people lol.....they look at me like I have 20 personalities going on inside of me, when really that isnt what it is....its myself talking to myself in my head is the best way to describe it.....things that make you go hmmmmmmmmmmmm lol.......Well I hope you are enjoying your weekend.....me, myself, and I and the other voices are lol....
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Diagnosed Bi-Polar II and Awesome in 2011 Currently take 50mg of Topamax, 30mg of Celexa, 100mg Provigil, 2mg of Cyproheptadine, and .5mg of Xanax as needed.... Pour contents in blender, add ice.....enjoy..... |
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#17
Apr 15, 2012, 03:24 PM
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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