[bowhunt72]

A lot of this will repeat what I have posted elsewhere, but please bear with me.

I have said before I was a firefighter/paramedic for 15 years before I was forced to take a disability retirement because of my bipolar and the rest of my multiple diagnosis. My pension doesn't provide enough to live on once my estranged wife takes over half of it, so I have to work somewhere or starve. I'm currently working, when I'm able to work, changing oil and tires at a walmart. Not exactly fulfilling work, low paying, and it just generally sucks.

Most of my adult life has been spent serving others. I've been injured on duty many times, and I long ago lost track of how many times I've risked my own life for the good of someone else. As I've said before, firefighting isn't just a job. It isn't something you do, it's something you are. Losing my career also meant losing a major part of my purpose in life.

The social worker I've been working with in the intensive outpatient program wants me to come up with ideas of things I could do to help others to help restore some of my purpose and self esteem, whether paid or volunteer. I know I can never replace the adrenaline rush of charging into a fire or working a patient in a wrecked car while they cut the car apart around me, but I'd like to think that something I'm doing helps make someone's life better.

I'm having trouble coming up with ideas. I applied a while ago for a job as an emergency room patient care tech, but I didn't get it. I thought about reapplying there or at another hospital, but the social worker doesn't want me in an ER because she worries that seeing a trauma come in might trigger flashbacks from my PTSD. I looked into phlebotomy because I have many years of experience sticking needles in people, but she doesn't want me seeing even that much blood. I'd like to get back into some kind of healthcare or public service, but I refuse to be a butt wiper in a nursing home. Other than that, I'm stumped.

If it's volunteer I won't be able to do it much because I still have to eat. Paid would obviously be better, but it can't take much schooling or I'll starve while I'm learning to do it. Any ideas?

[johnf22881]

I understand what you are going though, feeling like you lost a part of yourself. Being as though you were a firefighter, maybe you could get a job teaching trainees or get a job teaching fire safety in a grade school. I wish you luck and hope the suggestions you get lead to an answer for you.

[Sheba976]

Originally Posted by bowhunt72

A lot of this will repeat what I have posted elsewhere, but please bear with me.

I have said before I was a firefighter/paramedic for 15 years before I was forced to take a disability retirement because of my bipolar and the rest of my multiple diagnosis. My pension doesn't provide enough to live on once my estranged wife takes over half of it, so I have to work somewhere or starve. I'm currently working, when I'm able to work, changing oil and tires at a walmart. Not exactly fulfilling work, low paying, and it just generally sucks.

Most of my adult life has been spent serving others. I've been injured on duty many times, and I long ago lost track of how many times I've risked my own life for the good of someone else. As I've said before, firefighting isn't just a job. It isn't something you do, it's something you are. Losing my career also meant losing a major part of my purpose in life.

The social worker I've been working with in the intensive outpatient program wants me to come up with ideas of things I could do to help others to help restore some of my purpose and self esteem, whether paid or volunteer. I know I can never replace the adrenaline rush of charging into a fire or working a patient in a wrecked car while they cut the car apart around me, but I'd like to think that something I'm doing helps make someone's life better.

I'm having trouble coming up with ideas. I applied a while ago for a job as an emergency room patient care tech, but I didn't get it. I thought about reapplying there or at another hospital, but the social worker doesn't want me in an ER because she worries that seeing a trauma come in might trigger flashbacks from my PTSD. I looked into phlebotomy because I have many years of experience sticking needles in people, but she doesn't want me seeing even that much blood. I'd like to get back into some kind of healthcare or public service, but I refuse to be a butt wiper in a nursing home. Other than that, I'm stumped.

If it's volunteer I won't be able to do it much because I still have to eat. Paid would obviously be better, but it can't take much schooling or I'll starve while I'm learning to do it. Any ideas?

I can't say I agree with your social worker. Someone who enjoys helping people should be in healthcare. The ER tech sounds like a great job. If YOU think the trauma is to much for you, then don't do it.... But only YOU should decide that. If your happy with what your doing for a living, it makes the rest of your life better all around. I am an cardiovascular ultrasound tech and I just love my job. I could be in the most depressed mood, almost in tears... Then I start working I completely block everything else out and only think of the patient and there symptoms. I ask a ton of questions, get the patient talking, process all they are telling me and then I now what I need to focus on. Not that I like finding things wrong with people, but it does give me satisfaction if I can figure out what's wrong or find something that saves the patient a major life threatening issue in the future. I love learning the pathologies and new technologies. It's makes getting up and going to work so much easier for me.

I would suggest maybe starting as a medical assistant or phlebotomy. Either would be easy for you. If you can get into a hospital, you may be able to get some education benefits to pay for classes. Or you could transfer to a new position. Do what you think will make you happy (as well as money) I think counselors sometimes are still biased against those with mental illness. Don't hold yourself back. We are not infants who need to be sheltered from real life. We need to grow, change, and challenge ourselves, if not, we will never recover.

[grandmaof3]

I'm a nurse and I love my job. I used to work in the ER and I really enjoyed it. SOmetimes it was stressful but overall it was a great place to work. I think the ER tech job sounds great. It would be a good place to use your skills. I went to nursing school on a grant from the hosital and I had to work there for 2 years afte I graduated. Maybe you could look into something like that. I agree with Sheba, don't hold yourself back. Do what YOU think would be a rewarding job. BY the way, I now work in a nursing home and most of the CNAs that I work with get a lot of satisfaction knowing that they are making a difference in peoples lives. There is a lot more to it than wiping butts.

[xraydiva09]

I agree with everyone else.....only you know what you are capable of handling, so if it is something you want, then I would keep applying for ER tech jobs. I dont know how it is where you live, but I know out here our fire departments offer First Responder training and EMT-B, which is how I got mine....didnt have time to go thru the college classes and sit there for 16 weeks....During the day I work with mostly live people (im a radiology technologist) and then I take call for the Coroner's office, so I get my trauma drama fix as well.....I also volunteer for a local search and rescue agency that has been around forever and I really love it....it only takes up as much time as I want to put into it, and I find it really rewarding to be able to be of service to the public, especially during stressful times. Hopefully I provided some insight for you, and feel free to PM me if you need anything!

[noneedtoknow]

I work as a RN in in ER and I'm with the above posters-if you think you can, go for it! At least apply again...one step at a time. Have you thought about teaching a CPR course? Did you have to do classes as firefighter? YOu can take training and then teach-minimal training and money. Keep looking-I'm glad you posted. Maybe between all the answers that will help illumiate some idea's for you.Keep trudging my brother (and I think we are all brothers and sisters when your in the Firefighter/Paramedic/EMS/ER realm)

[bipolarmedstudent]

What about counselling?

I also agree with the idea of teaching CPR courses, or training firefighters/EMS staff.

[BuggsBunny]

Have you considered volunteering at a local group home or youth shelter? With your experiences, you would be a superb role model for the kids. You could even teach basic fire safety/first aid on a volunteer basis. I worked with teens during my counselor years and got both a satisfied, changing lives, feeling, and an adrenaline high (always a drama with a teen, such hormones!)
Granted, this will not replace the rush you felt as a first responder, but it may give you the feeling of helping someone.

[zbmom]

I think it's ridiculous to say phlebotomy would trigger you. After the kind of career you had I doubt a bit of blood in a tube is going to phase you at all. If you want to do it, go for it, it's your life. I wouldn't recommend medical assisting though, my husband did the training and he can't get a job. Everyone wants someone certified with 2-5 years exp as a medical assistant. So new grads can't even get hired unless they're very lucky. Plus phlebotomy pays more.

[bowhunt72]

Anything to do with firefighting, emergency medical services, or police work is out because that was a condition of my disability retirement. I might be able to get away with teaching, I'd have to check with the pension fund to be sure, but I'd have to retake all of my training. I let my Firefighter II (240 hour professional level) EMT-Paramedic and Hazardous Materials Technician certifications expire in December because I'm not allowed to use them any more. Fire Instructor is a separate certification, but I'd have to recertify my FF II before I could take it and I'm not sure I'd be allowed to. I do like the idea of using my experience to help get new kids ready for the world of firefighting.

I'm a little old to start nursing school, but if I can get someone to pay for it it might be worthwhile. Something to look into.