[Secretum]

I'm twenty, and I've never been on a date. I think that bipolar (and the self-confidence issues that come with depression) have played a small role in this, but I have noticed that most of you are in relationships. So I guess that it is possible to find love while struggling with bipolar disorder.

I'm curious- how did you all meet your partners? Did you start dating before or after your bipolar diagnosis? I'd just like a little encouragement in this area of my life right now; thanks.

[Confusedinomicon]

We met when I was 15 or 16 in a chat room on the irc. Best friends for a year and a half. We werent dating but told one another that we were our end goals in life. With some encouragement from mutual friends we started dating. I met him in person a year later and we went from online to long distance. He moved to be closer to me a year after. There was a lot of drama as we were growing up and I was not stable. I cant imagine life withour him. 3 months we celebrate 5 years. (22!)

We started dating before I had the diagnosis.

I'm about your age, but don't rush the dating process. I tell all my friends who have not had serious boyfriends yet (my two roommates included) that there is no rush because if it's meant to be you will find a partner that hopefully suits you. Plus it's hard to date when you're younger and there are still a lot of life-altering decisions to make. It's easier to casually date every once in a while until you've completed your undergrad education because you can't be certain where life will take you after your degree. It's easier to not have to think about someone else and make compromises on your dream.

As a young couple, both of us have made compromises so we can stay together. We went into this relationship not realizing how difficult it would be to maintain and how hard it would be to grow together. We live and breath in two different worlds yet we've maintained an atmosphere of love. It is verryyy difficult. He has put off schooling so he could pay bills while I completed my degree. Now we're at the crossroads where we're going to switch roles, essentially. It's difficult, but well worth it with the right partner.

[PiperLeigh]

I have known my husband since I was 12 because we went to the same school. But we weren't attracted to each other or date until my last year of college. I didn't really date anyone in the true sense of the word until he came along. (So be encouraged - you're just the right age!) I needed someone to teach me how to drive a standard (stick-shift) car, and out of my circle of friends, he volunteered. Somewhere along the way we fell in love. We've been married nearly 14 years now. He loves me unconditionally and we have a good relationship in spite of my issues. I think it is definitely possible to have a good relationship and also have one of the partners dealing with the ups and downs of bipolar. <3 {{hugs}}

[Victoria'smom]

how did you all meet your partners? I was manic and opening our dorm entrance to everyone that would talk to me. DH was manic also. We spent the next week causing trouble and getting written up in the dorm. He went home, he'd been missing for a week. I partied the next week. After three days I had alienating all my friends, having a one night stand, having alcohol poisoning, and one write up away from getting kicked out I called him crying. He came over to find out what was wrong, he never left. We got engaged less then a week later. We decided to have one or two children. We were hyper sexual for the next five months before getting pregnant. At some time we spent a couple of hours finding an apartment and DH got a job. I have no idea how since we ate probably 2x a wk.

Did you start dating before or after your bipolar diagnosis? We both knew each other's passed along w/ my family history. So we knew we were mentally ill but it wasn't a big deal. We had each been dealing with it on our own for so long that nether of us were concerned. I think the biggest sign was the day he asked me out I said "okay, as long as you never lock me up."

[ManicDad]

Oh wow. Which one? Wife 1 I met thru my mother, pre-dx. Wife 2 I met at a club. She was 18 and snuck in there with a fake ID. I was smitten. We'd been together about six months when I had a breakdown that caused me to get diagnosed. She dealt with it for a while and we had 2 kids, but eventually, things fell apart. Wife 3 I met at work. She worked in the same building but not the same floor. I actually chased her all the way from the elevator to her office to ask her out. I didn't tell her about my dx at first but when I did, she was pretty understanding. I guess it helps that her mom is also BP.

I wouldn't be in too big of a hurry. I got married for the 1st time when I was 20 and it was a huge mistake. Remember the old song. You can't hurry love. Just take your time and enjoy being single. You'll find someone compatible with you one day.

[Anneinside]

1st ex - his brother married my older sister; 2nd ex - my younger sister introduced us. He was a friend of her husband.

[cocoabeans]

A friend of a friend... Just after diagnosis of depression while manic on prozac for me, after for him. Yep! Both bipolar! That was nearly 8 years ago and we're still happy to be together

I met my husband when I was 19 and we have been together ever since (22 years) I met him on a night out with friends

[capricorn57]

During my last (long) in patient stay in the early 80s. We had 22 good years together before she died.

[SunAngel]

I wasn't diagnosed as having BP when I met my husband, but was diagnosed with depression and panic disorder.

I met my husband at work and we have been together for 24 years. Life hasn't been a picnic for him, but he loves me and stays with me through anything and everything.

My husband and I met at church while attending various activities/services. We met before diagnosis with bipolar, but did have depression diagnosis at the time (so did he by the way). Church was a natural place for us to meet and the shared faith and focus in our lives has been sustaining. We've been married 25 years.

[bipolarmedstudent]

Originally Posted by Secretum

I'm twenty, and I've never been on a date. I think that bipolar (and the self-confidence issues that come with depression) have played a small role in this, but I have noticed that most of you are in relationships. So I guess that it is possible to find love while struggling with bipolar disorder.

I'm curious- how did you all meet your partners? Did you start dating before or after your bipolar diagnosis? I'd just like a little encouragement in this area of my life right now; thanks.

I met my SO online (craigslist of all places, LOL). I started dating him before my bipolar diagnosis. However, I had had manic episodes a few years before I started dating my SO, and he knew all about my other psychiatric diagnoses (I told him pretty early on).

I have had 4 boyfriends. I met all of them online. I told all of them about my psychiatric issues early on (within the first few dates). None were scared off by it. All were very understanding. One of my ex-boyfriend's was undiagnosed bipolar himself -- he refused to get treatment though, and we broke up when he had a manic episode/nervous breakdown and left me.

[forever]

I met my SO while working in a bar when I was nineteen. We have been married 24 years on May 21, we have been together for 26 years. I didn't have a dx at the time but I promise I should have had one, those came later..lol

[bowhunt72]

Which one? I met my wife when I was a sophomore at college and she was a freshman. I was a member of the campus honors society and we had a picnic to welcome the incoming freshman. We met there and I thought, hmm, another freshman, and went back to talking to someone else. A few months later I broke up with my girlfriend back home and she was right there pursuing me. Obviously, since she's my wife, she caught me. No dx at that time.

The girlfriend from my recent disastrous affair was a different story. We met when we were both members of a local volunteer fire department before I went full-time professional. We drifted from being coworkers to close friends to lovers without really noticing what was happening. I eventually broke it off because of my wife and kids and she moved away. 13 years later I found her in an internet search while my marriage was at a bad place and we picked up where we left off. We were very serious this time, we both left our partners to live together, we met each other's families, we were shopping for wedding rings for as soon as my divorce was final, and we were planning our dream wedding. Then it all blew up.

My wife is still there, although very cautious. She still supports me with my psych care and therapy. We still talk most days and see each other a couple of times a week, but she's still understandably careful. I hurt her bad, and she doesn't want to be hurt again. That she's there at all is some kind of testimony to the person she is inside, despite all the outward things she says and does that made me want to leave her. She is able to be much more objective about my bp and other diagnoses than I am, since I'm the one in the middle of it, so I really value her help with my pdoc. We are still living apart and just filed paperwork for a legal separation, but are both cautiously optimistic that we can put this marriage back together if we (meaning mostly me) are willing to give it enough time and work and patience.

[Towanda]

I met my husband 37 years ago on a blind date and we've been married for 34 years. I wasn't diagnosed until six years ago, bipolar and BPD, but symptoms were definitely there all throughout our marriage. He has stuck with me through all the ups and downs - marriage is solid and love/friendship is strong. I was 21 when we met - hadn't dated much up til that time. So guess it was just meant to be. One of those freaky things that happen. We actually grew up within five miles of each other.

So don't give up hope - someone special is out there for you. Stay involved with life the best way you can. I also met my bf who is now like the sister I never had when I was inpatient in a psych unit, so go figure. The people that are meant to be in our lives are out there somewhere - but I know, it's hard to wait when we're lonely

We met on an online dating site, even tho he lives 2 houses down from my sister . I had just started treatment and just went on disability. I had went on quite a few dates with others but just didn't click. When I met him we just hit it off instantly. I told him my dx a few weeks in and he was a little uneasy but I guess he liked me enough to learn more. The only thing he knew about bipolar was from watching an episode of ER. So his impression was a scary. He took the time to learn and has been my biggest support. He sees more of my bipolarism than anyone else in my life, but I gather he things I'm worth it. . He also wasn't intending on dating someone with kids and I have three. But he is great to the kids also, he's the only father they have known, and they love him to bits.

His family has also been very supportive and accepting of my situation. They treat my kids and I like family. My bf and I have had some struggles, only one major fight in almost 6 years. I think we are actually doing pretty good. He also struggles with depression and a chronic illness so I think that helps him understand where I am coming from and vice versa.

We don't live together, mostly because of my disability and housing expensenses. He does own a house but it's a bit small for the five of us and it's central downtown, not a great neighborhood for my kids to play. Sometimes I think tho the not living together part has kept us stronger. We still go on dates all the time. We see each other almost every day, stay at my place or his, the kids have bedrooms at his house as well. Although it's not the typical arrangement it works for us. We never argue about money or things like that because we are independent of each other in those ways, I think that takes away alot of the stress. When I need time out alone or he does we can have that easily because of our living arrangements.

[hanners]

I wouldn't have met my partner if I hadn't had bipolar disorder. We met in a support group for LGBTQ people with mental illness. We've been together for only 6 months, but it's been great, and it's so nice that I don't have to worry what she'll think of me if I start having a mood episode.

[LadyShadow]

Well, I met my now boyfriend on Eharmony. I was single a long time after my last boyfriend 7 years ago. He wasn't understanding of my illness at all. In fact. he was very scared by it because of some of my episodes. He ended up leaving me and I fell apart while battling my illness.

After a lot of hard work, I entered my 30's with a positive attitude and new outlook on life. I put myself together and decided to take the dating seriously because I really wanted to find someone. So I put the time and effort in the very long Eharmony questionnaire and it matched me with someone who I believe is my soulmate.

He understands my illness and is very kind and compassionate. Don't worry about the time restraints. I didn't find true love until I was 30.

Good luck and chin up!

[BusyMomma2]

I met my husband when I was 27 and well after I was diagnosed. Granted, I was perfectly stable also on my meds. We met online. He was new to the city and didn't know anyone and I was a single mother and didn't have time for standard dating. There is hope for us bp'ers. Granted I often think I don't deserve him.

[joanofarch]

Still Searching .....One Divorce And A Partnership Disolved After Many Years.Right Now I'm Having A Valuable Loving Relationship With My Self Until I'm Ready To Try Again

[Moreta]

I met my husband online on okcupid.com. We met over 7 years ago, and i was pretty stable at the time, maybe slightly manic, i don't really remember. We've been married for 3 years now. He's very supportive of me and my bipolar, and i don't know what i would do without him.

[faerie_moon_x]

I met my husband playing an online game. We're both gamers. I've been a gamer since I was a tiny little girl. Anyway, I was in this guild and one day this other guy in the guild, who I thought was my friend, started putting me down and calling me names over the guild chat. My husband told him to shut up and leave me alone because I was always nice and friendly to everyone. Then he started to talk to me personally.

We started spending lots of time together in the game and playing together. Then we met a few times in person, and then he came and live with me. Then we had a baby and then we got married. Now we have a 2nd baby.

Although I wasn't diagnosed when I met him I did warn him that I thought I had bipolar, because I've known for a long time something was wrong. I was 25 when we met and 27 the first time I was on meds and wasn't actualy diagnosed until I was 30.

[ggtina]

My husband and I met in Junior High School! We didn't date till we were much older and kind of rushed into marriage. That's probably the reason why were getting a divorce just 2 years into it.

[BusyMomma2]

Moreta - that's the same site we used!

[Merlin]

I'm using OKCupid and I hope I will find someone. I work in addictions and mental health, so I can get a sense of how people view those with MI before I disclose my own.