[faerie_moon_x]

Hello,

Well, I am very sad because I feel like I am losing my will to do anything. I can't seem to get the kitchen cleaned up. The garage is full of trash and I can't motivate myself to get out there an clean it. I can't seem to get the laundry put away. I only drag myself out to work each day because I don't want my kids to go hungry or have no lights or water. But at the same time, I am unable to get myself in to the grocery store and we end up broke and I have barely bought any groceries. I feel completely exhausted and warn out.

I have enough purpose in life to take care of my boys but otherwise I feel completely used up. I am totally stressed and lonely. I'm tired of working, I'm tired of running errands. I'm tired of being responsible for taking care of everyone all the time and everything being my responsibility. I know it is wrong to think so, but I wish someone would take care of me for a change. I wish someone else would pay the bills and think what to put out for dinner and actually cook it. But I know I can't rely on anyone and I'm so tired.

I don't know what to do or how to get past it. I'm tired of being poor and only living paycheck to paycheck, but I can barely do the job I already have so i can't get a second job. I feel totally unappreciated and not very important.

I don't have a question. I just had to vent, I guess. Thanks for listening.

[Confusedinomicon]

Why can't your husband help you clean?

Even if you don't have motivation, it's still a partnership and you can't do everything yourself. It's not fair to you or him. Plus you can clean faster with more people and they can help keep you motivated.

I know you're not having the greatest luck with him, though. :'( (hugs)

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by Confusedinomicon

Why can't your husband help you clean?

Even if you don't have motivation, it's still a partnership and you can't do everything yourself. It's not fair to you or him. Plus you can clean faster with more people and they can help keep you motivated.

I know you're not having the greatest luck with him, though. :'( (hugs)

At this time he does very little and I can't rely on him. Last weekend we had an argument because I didn't put the pork chops into freezer bags and they went bad. I asked him why he didn't help me with this and he got mad because I didn't ask him to do it and expected him to "read his mind." Of course that's not true. I expected him to behave as an adult and think "maybe i should put these away" of his own initiative. But, in his mind I guess every little thing is my responsibility and if I don't directly ask him he won't help. He's also said he will never help me clean the kitchen again, because it just can't seem to get clean. So... basically... I do it or nothing. The only thing he does on his own is mow the yard because our neighbors report us to the city if we don't.

I just feel like a huge joke.

[bluemountains]

(((dark heart x)))
I completely understand your feelings, having these myself. I am quitting work at the end of this school year and somehow we will survive because I can't do it anymore.
Can you explain to your husband how hard it is for you now? Would he be willing to maybe take a couple of nights of the cooking if he doesn't like to clean? What about your boys, are they old enough to help out? Are you able to talk to a t in order to help you organize your life in a way to ease stress?
If nothing else, try to take a mental break and just relax for a few minutes each day away from the children and husband.
Bluemountains

[BlackPup]

sorry you are struggling with this. I could not cope with cooking and cleaning when I was depressed. Getting good meds have helped alot. Maybe your pdoc could adjust your meds for you. Please keep posting even if it's just to vent. Have you got any friends or family that could come and help u one day a week with making a meal.

[xraydiva09]

aw sweetie im so sorry to hear all of this stuff.....but most importantly, you are not a joke. you are a overworked, stressed out, hard working mother and wife who is not appreciated the way you should be...its no wonder you are exhausted....but that doesnt make you a joke...it makes you human....humans get tired and sometimes it just gets to be too much....and you can only do so much.....and its even harder I think, when you see the person who is supposed to be your partner, just sitting there coasting while you are barely keeping your head above water....if there is no way for you to sit down with your husband and seriously talk, then you are going to have to put him on the back burned for now and do what is best for you and for your children and come back to him later. We all know if mom isnt happy...no one is happy...

[faerie_moon_x]

I think what makes it worse is that I work in a hostile job environment. My bosses absolutely hate me and are constantly threatening to fire me. I am definately bullied. In a month I have my "90 day review" because to them I'm such a crappy employee. Plus also I have "monthly meeting" and all of these things stress me out. They are aware of my bipolar but instead of helping me with accomidations they want me to just "get over it."

I really, really, really need to get out of this job but if I do then there will be 0 income for my family. I can't do that to my kids. So I'm terrified to quit and terrified to be fired, but I also hate it so badly I am drowning. I feel like I'm trapped in a bear trap. Either I chew off my leg or sit here and wait, either way I'm screwed...

So going home to no help after being in hell all day I feel like I have no safe place for me. I have no home anymore more. I have no where to escape. I used to be able to go home and feel safe. Now everywhere I go I feel alone.

[Irreplaceable]

Originally Posted by dark_heart_x

At this time he does very little and I can't rely on him. Last weekend we had an argument because I didn't put the pork chops into freezer bags and they went bad. I asked him why he didn't help me with this and he got mad because I didn't ask him to do it and expected him to "read his mind." Of course that's not true. I expected him to behave as an adult and think "maybe i should put these away" of his own initiative. But, in his mind I guess every little thing is my responsibility and if I don't directly ask him he won't help. He's also said he will never help me clean the kitchen again, because it just can't seem to get clean. So... basically... I do it or nothing. The only thing he does on his own is mow the yard because our neighbors report us to the city if we don't.

I just feel like a huge joke.

How old are your kids? Girl you better put them to work! My daughter is only 6 and I have her do chores...By age 7 we may start learning how to cook so that I can have another cook in the house...

But I know how you feel. Mommies and wives feel underappreciated and worn out at times...

[Irreplaceable]

Originally Posted by dark_heart_x

I think what makes it worse is that I work in a hostile job environment. My bosses absolutely hate me and are constantly threatening to fire me. I am definately bullied. In a month I have my "90 day review" because to them I'm such a crappy employee. Plus also I have "monthly meeting" and all of these things stress me out. They are aware of my bipolar but instead of helping me with accomidations they want me to just "get over it."

I really, really, really need to get out of this job but if I do then there will be 0 income for my family. I can't do that to my kids. So I'm terrified to quit and terrified to be fired, but I also hate it so badly I am drowning. I feel like I'm trapped in a bear trap. Either I chew off my leg or sit here and wait, either way I'm screwed...

So going home to no help after being in hell all day I feel like I have no safe place for me. I have no home anymore more. I have no where to escape. I used to be able to go home and feel safe. Now everywhere I go I feel alone.

Start looking for another job or start your own easy start up business...House cleaning or cleaning offices for example. You work by yourself, little stress, and mostly make your own schedule. Look at other options. Don't give up and settle! I'm in the process of making career changes so that things won't be as stressful and overwhelming for me as they are now.

And your husband needs to step up. Really. He isn't working and he should be helping you more. Don't try to do it all. On those nights where you can't cook because you don't feel up to it, don't cook. Make the kids something quick and easy. When you go grocery shopping buy things that they can make on their own. Last night I was in a "mood". Do you think I got off the couce to cook? NO. My daughter had food to eat but I can't push myself like that...Grocery shopping for me is the worst household tasks. The long lines, the people, the attitudes. On those days I don't feel like being bothered with people, I go to a grocery store that I know will have hardly anyone in there. Or, I will get up early (around 7ish) and grocery shop to beat the crowd.

[faerie_moon_x]

My oldest is 9 but he lives with his dad. He does some chores when he's with us but we don't make him do many because we only see him 4 days a month, so he's not there to work. My middle son is almost 6 and we have chores for him but getting him to do them is a constant fight. It is really frustrating. We also fight with him about doing his homework, etc. The baby is only 4 months so he isn't chore ready yet.

[faerie_moon_x]

Well I am very happy. Today my husband started on the garage. It is a nightmare, huge job. He started on his own with no asking. He said he will get it done and in return if I can get the kitchen done he will start cooking. The kitchen will be easy once the garage is cleared. Yay!

As for work I am looking around for something else. I am hoping to find something less stress. I'd rather have a physical job vs. being a secretary. One of the big problems is because of my disorganized thinking it isn't so great for me to be "the face" of the office. I shouldn't be the face, maybe the hands or the feet but not the face. LOL.