[jaypop30]

As a Bipolar do you feel insecure about yourself? I know I do but would love to hear you insght on the matter.

[Trippin2.0]

Only when depressed actually.

[grlnmt66]

I agree with Trippin2.0....

[bluemountains]

I feel insecure all of the time, but this could be the result of abuse in childhood, and not the bipolar.
Bluemountains

[Victoria'smom]

I'm very insecure but have other Dx's besides bipolar. They do tend to get worse when depressed. You can say 1000 nice things about me but the 1 negative thing sticks.

[BipolaRNurse]

[quote=Miguel'smom;2352204 You can say 1000 nice things about me but the 1 negative thing sticks.[/quote]

Yes. THIS. ^^

I should be one of the most confident people on earth. I have a solid marriage and beautiful family, a nice home, enough material goods and then some. I'm successful in my career (and recently turned down a huge promotion at work because I knew I'd never be able to do it in the frame of mind I was in at that time). I have a large circle of friends and the respect of literally hundreds of people, both IRL and online. Truly, I've been blessed with much more than I deserve.

So why do I continue to struggle with insecurity? It started with a hypercritical mother and an oppressive upbringing, but even with therapy I've never been able to overcome it completely. Now I know that the issue underlying all of that is the bipolar, which may have only been recently diagnosed but has been there all along......probably since I was a child, certainly since I was a teenager.

My pdoc thinks I underestimate the damage my childhood experience inflicted on me; in fact, he calls it "traumatic". I don't know about that. But I never experienced unconditional love until I met my husband 32 years ago, and it took him 20 of those years to convince me that he loved me no matter what I said or what I did.

Even now, even with him knowing the worst about me and having put up with my moods, my rages, my erratic behaviors all these years, I still can't really wrap my mind around the concept of unconditional love. Sometimes I wonder what God is going to say when we finally meet, because He's all about unconditional love, and I can't see it even when it bites me right on the nose.

So to answer the question "Are you insecure?", I'd have to give that one a "HELL YES!!!" even though I don't have the slightest reason to feel that way. It's one of the sadnesses of my life, and at this point I seriously doubt there's a fix for it. But, it is what it is.

[jaypop30]

Bipolarnurse I can really relate to you on how you feel. I do wish I can say that with all that I have I could say that I am secure, but its that insecurity that destroies all that is good.

[BlackPup]

I used to be really insecure but have improved immensely with good therapy. Now I am much more confident.

Originally Posted by BipolaRNurse

...So why do I continue to struggle with insecurity? It started with a hypercritical mother and an oppressive upbringing,.... Now I know that the issue underlying all of that is the bipolar,...
My pdoc thinks I underestimate the damage my childhood experience inflicted on me; in fact, he calls it "traumatic". I don't know about that...

This. (And she probably has BP too, among other problems which I now see as the likely explanation for her hypercritical and oppressive issues. Anyhow!) I also believe that my basic nature and lurking BP contributed to my reaction to it. My sister had the same upbringing. She does not have BP, we have different natures and she turned out completely different --self-assured in navigating the world of "normal" and achieving in steady progression. Like you, I'm told I underestimate how damaging it was,. I say, "It was what it was." I don't feel towards it. For instance, I cannot for the life of me understand people being upset and pining for love from someone simply because it "should" be so. As in, parents. I simply don't see the point. Why would I wish for what someone cannot give? It isn't there, and any title someone wears does not change that. Again, "It is what it is." Why waste time and energy on something that cannot be changed? One aspect I acknowledge the effect upon is in not really being able to form close and trusting relationships, or having the ability to reach out for help. Haha, where did my point go? Rejection sensitivity? I haz it. And that's a BP trait that can really take a beating in such an environment. I expect nothing and assume rejection as the way it goes. C'est la vie.

Back to insecurity. In terms of functioning in the world and being able to "play the game" and understand how people do "normal" and the assumptions that flow from that (ie. doesn't "everyone"...): A resounding YES. In fact, I can be confident in the fact that "secure" in this realm will forever elude me.

In terms of the type of insecurity that needs constant praise or any other kind of "neediness", fitting in, being accepted etc.? : A resounding NO.
Been orbiting my own planet for far too long for it even to occur to me.

[Miss Laura]

Oh god ye. Its constant with me. But I can be more insecure when I am depressed. I have been told I am very insecure about most aspects of my life. Its hard not to be most of the time

Insecurity is my current lifestyle. I'm hoping to change that. I just responded to another post basically minimizing a psychotic event I had. Sure, it wasn't enough to land me in a hospital, but this is no competition! It scared the hell out of me and the name on this post was "laugh at yourself"! So yes... I am very insecure!

Sent from my Kindle Fire using Tapatalk 2

[forever]

The only times in my life when I have felt secure is when I have been manic and right after I had my baby. Otherwise it generally takes me a while to work up to even attending social events. Not feeling insecure during mania is not hard to explain but I have wondered why I felt so secure as a Mom. My insecurities stem from my childhood but bipolar interrupter surely didn't help the situation. After my last manic episode it zapped a lot of my confidence and I didn't have much to begin with.

[mommyof2girls]

No not at all.....Although, in past years I was always insecure ( about the littlest things ) ..... I am so glad that I have come such a long way in my recovery.....

[Red_Cyclops]

Similar to what Miguel'smom said - you can tell me hundreds of positive things, but I always wind up focusing on the 1 or few negatives. I also grew up with a very critical and overbearing mother, and I can see how my childhood has affected me. So I have bipolar and some childhood issues combining in the form of insecurity. I realize I should be happier - I have a great job and people seem to really like me. I was a gifted athlete and still am at 41, yet I'm very insecure and critical of myself. My entire life I've been my own worst enemy, which is at its strongest when I'm depressed.

Every day is a struggle for me, but somehow I manage to make it through. Letting go of the past is tough for me, I just do the best I can. As strange as it may sound, I think I am just a damaged person and will probably always be so. I have a very supportive wife and I'm extremely lucky, which helps keep me from being completely "lost". However, I've just accepted the fact that I'll always struggle. They say everyone has a burden in life of some sort, and I guess this is one of a few for me. Good luck!

[tnlibrarian]

At times I am, mostly when it comes to relationships. I know I'm a good person, I'm smart, I'm attractive--but I always think people who know about my bipolar don't view me that way. I'm always worried they view me as a freak. With my husband I worry a lot that he's only staying here for the kids and that I'm a burden. I worry about him looking for something better and considering me to be a burden. Granted, part of that is the result of him becoming emotionally involved with a couple of women and refusing to tell an ex that he was engaged when we became engaged 14 years ago. Like it or not, that stuff has a lasting effect. I do think my insecurities are primarily due to the bipolar, though. I'm always worried about what people think.

[faerie_moon_x]

I have low self-esteem. I do get insecure, too. Except, when mania hits I am not insecure at all. In fact, I'm such an awesome person it baffles me why no one else can see it. This is one of my main manic symptoms, grandiose thinking.

[bowhunt72]

I'm very insecure. I have been for many years, since long before I was diagnosed with BP or anything else. That's one of the things that makes me wonder how long I went undiagnosed and untreated until someone finally thought there was something wrong with me I should see a pdoc about.

[LadyShadow]

I am very insecure, now more than ever because I put on a ton of weight due to all the medications over the years. All the beautiful clothes and sexy clothes that I have I just stare at in the closet of memories of 50 pounds ago. Yeah there are diets and things I can do, but honestly I just don't feel like it. When I was manic, the world was great and I lost all the weight really fast. Now, that things have slowed down and I am stable I am just in a perpetual funk.