[Radorix]

My girlfriend is always having mood swings. Really bad mood swings. One day everything is great and the next day I may get something like "I'm not feeling fulfilled,I'm unproductive,I've slowed down again,your not romantic,I feel warm and fuzzy with you but not on fire" then the next day she will be back to talking about wanting to get married. I just don't really know what's going on with her wanting to point out all my flaws,act like she is perfect and then go back to acting like nothing ever happened. It's very frustrating. She's horrible with money. She gets paid every other Friday and by the following Monday her account is negative and she really won't have anything to show for it. She has fits of rage out of nowhere and within a few hours she will be acting like nothing is wrong. Her kids are always coming to me talking about it. They don't even feel like they have a mother because of the way she acts. They feel she is very selfish. Her bills are usually behind. She makes plans and then will break them. I'm positive there is something mentally or chemically wrong but she refuses any kind of treatment and instead looks to things like tarot cards to tell her which direction she should go. The romantic end gets really bad if she has watched a romantic victorian movie or a book. I bought her a book she loves a few days ago not knowing what it was about. Which I should have researched it first because now after reading that book she is quoting things to me from it saying this is what's wrong with us. I'm a very calm person so now it's "An extreme needs an extreme and a calm needs a calm and that's why we are just keeping each other company and not meant for anything long term." then this morning like I said above she was back to her usual self and I just don't know what to do anymore or what to tell her kids. It's taking such a huge toll on me trying to sort through it all. I bought a book called Stop Walking On Eggshells sometime ago and have started reading it and a lot of what it is saying makes sense to me as far as some of her behavior goes. I know I can't do anything if she's not willing to help herself but I really love my girlfriend so I can't walk away either right now. Does anyone have any idea if this is something that could be a disorder or is she just out there so to speak.

[FooZe]

Hi Radorix, welcome to Psych Central!

Originally Posted by Radorix

I bought a book called Stop Walking On Eggshells sometime ago and have started reading it and a lot of what it is saying makes sense to me as far as some of her behavior goes.

SWOE is supposed to be more about Borderline Personality Disorder than Bipolar. Here's a Psychology Today article (by Randi Kreger, one of the authors) describing some of the similarities and differences: Three Easy Ways to Differentiate Bipolar and Borderline Disorders. Some people are diagnosed with both.

It's probably less important out to figure out which of those (if either) your girlfriend has, than to persuade her to get professional help for whatever it is.

[wagneriansinger]

Radorix, Fooze is right on. If your GF won't even see someone, I don't know what you can do. Nobody can diagnose someone from a distance. Are you getting any support from this relationship or are you there just for the kids? How long have the two of you been together?

While it's great to try to figure out what's going on, the bottom line is that each one of us is in charge of the decisions we make to get or not get treatment to make things better. And you're in charge of the decision as to whether you're willing to stay if she refuses to get help. Not easy, and I feel for you. If it were me, I'd keep pressing for her to see someone. Can't hurt, might help!

Anne

[Radorix]

Yes I know just seems most of the time when I read about bi-polar people are saying to pick up that book so bought it thinking it might be of some use on either case.

I would love for her to go to a doctor and figure out what is going on but since she don't want to go I just feel a need to make sure I'm not crazy because honestly at times I feel like I'm going nuts.

Thank you for the welcome and the link. I'm going to read it right now

[BlueInanna]

It's all good you are trying to educate yourself, and that you love your girlfriend and want to help her. Couples therapy is a good thing. And using tarot is not a sign of bipolar or any disorder.

[RobertDark]

Originally Posted by FooZe

Hi Radorix, welcome to Psych Central!

SWOE is supposed to be more about Borderline Personality Disorder than Bipolar. Here's a Psychology Today article (by Randi Kreger, one of the authors) describing some of the similarities and differences: Three Easy Ways to Differentiate Bipolar and Borderline Disorders. Some people are diagnosed with both.

It's probably less important out to figure out which of those (if either) your girlfriend has, than to persuade her to get professional help for whatever it is.

Thanks for posting that article, FooZe. Makes me wonder if i have BDP and not BPII, or even touches of both.

@Radorix - Your girlfriend sounds exactly like me in a relationship except I have managed to get a hold of finances (after falling in 35k of debt in my early 20's). I will say that the only way for her to get better is to admit in some fashion that she has an issue even if she isn't going to give it a name. I know that some people are not able to admit it and it might not be possible for you to influence her into admitting it and getting help, but I think that's what has to happen.

Just because she is like me doesn't mean she is or isn't BP or BPD but it sounds like she has a problem handling relationships within the normal scope of what "should" be and at the very least, she needs to talk to someone about it to be able to get better at it.

[Eloise42]

Nothing you have described is jumping out at me as being particularly characteristic of bipolar. Mental health or possible addiction issues, yeah, probably. And I agree that what is probably most important is getting her to find some kind of treatment.

But what you are describing could be any number of things, post traumatic stress disorder and it's many different faces could also account for the kind of dramatic changes in attitude, priorities, etc.

I think that for people outside of it, the upswings of bipolar are usually a lot more out-of-nowhere alarming, like: "why is the house suddenly full of rescue animals?", in that state we are moving at the speed of light and from what I can tell the normal outsider reaction is usually more "WHAT just happened!?!" than a gradual "...maybe something isn't right here"

[ChristySpirals]

Sounds like a case of borderline personality to me. An ultimatum of some sort after her next eff up might be a good idea. She needs some tough love, let her know what her kids think and what you think. You could even include the kids in conversation, sort of like a small intervention. If you watch that show take some of their ideas.

You can even do the leg work, but do it in front of her. Make the phone calls and let them know you are calling on her behalf if she won't do it herself. Go with her to appts for your own peace of mind cuz she more than likely will play the victim and omit some crucial stuff. Best of luck

Thanks, FooZe for that link. It said (especially #3 -- all encompassing as opposed to individual elements) some things I'd observed, but not been able to articulate.

Originally Posted by Eloise42

Nothing you have described is jumping out at me as being particularly characteristic of bipolar....
I think that for people outside of it, the upswings of bipolar are usually a lot more out-of-nowhere alarming, like: "why is the house suddenly full of rescue animals?", in that state we are moving at the speed of light and from what I can tell the normal outsider reaction is usually more "WHAT just happened!?!" than a gradual "...maybe something isn't right here"

Agree. Well put.

Originally Posted by ChristySpirals

Sounds like a case of borderline personality to me...

Agree. Though it's not for me to say from here, I'd definitely say borderline is something to look into. (And... you are doing that in reading SWOE. )

Something else to consider,Radorix, is behaviors are a constant with Borderline, whereas with bipolar are episodic. That is to say that they are linked with mood states. In borderline, they are a way (maladaptive though it may be) of seeing and dealing with the world. (Which, think about it... borderline or not, one's behavior and way of interacting with others IS based in one's perceptions of the world around them and therefore pretty constant. Part and parcel of one's personality. Which is why it's called a personality disorder. In borderline, perceptions and reactions are skewed which gives rise to a more than usual amount of difficulties in interactions with others. Which can frustrate them too of course! And part of the resistance you're finding is that it's hard for someone to accept that how they are perceiving things is skewed. After all, for everyone, how we see things is our reality. It's hard to conceive how it could be inaccurate. And accept it? Yeah, how could that possibly be easy? And yet accepting it is essential to be able to work on it.

You are not in an easy position. I am in a similar situation with a loved one, observing and being subjected to behaviors and reactions that are confusing and which are constantly causing trouble for them, but they just can't see it. It's not easy being on this side either. Be sure to protect your own boundaries in the process. Not easy, but essential. And on that subject...professionals? Yes. Even if you can't get her to go, you would probably find it helpful for yourself. Such a relationship has tricky waters to navigate. It's all too easy for it to take a huge toll trying to take it on yourself, as you've already discovered. Best of luck to you.