[VoodooGirl]

Hi! My question is about the future. I am 24 and have been worrying a lot lately. I am in a serious relationship (my boyfriend is aware of my bipolar) and have been thinking about our future and the thought is leaving me feeling anxious. I would consider myself to have a less severe case of bipolar, but it is enough to interfere with my life and relationship. I have attempted suicide before and, while I am not currently suicidal, I worry that I will get to that point again. Being so young, I worry about getting older. In short, I have a feeling I won't grow to old age. This makes me want to tell my boyfriend, whom I love immensely, to go away and not waste his time. I also worry about having children one day. Going through the extreme hormones of pregnancy and after terrify me. Also, having children grow up with a mother who isn't all there (I also have severe anxiety) or passing on the gene for it is enough for me to consider never having children even though it is something I have a strong pull to do one day.

To wrap up and get to the point...I was hoping for some reassurance from older bipolar patients that I can live a long life and have a somewhat normal life. Or more importantly, that my future children can have a normal life.

Thank you for any comments.

[bluemountains]

It's all going to be okay, VoodooGirl! I am 50. I have 4 children, and I have bipolar II, but my medication and t visits help me to lead a pretty normal life.
I know it is all overwhelming at times, but you are open with your boyfriend, and he loves you for you. You don't know what the future holds, nor do I, nor does anyone. We just have to live one day at a time.
I have passed on bipolar, or in his case a mood disorder, to at least one of my children, but since it was caught early (he's twelve) his prognosis is good. He takes medication and visits a t as well. He is developing great coping skills. Is it fair for him to have it?-No, but those afflicted with other diseases don't get fairness either.

How are you dealing with your anxiety? It sounds like you are overwhelmed, but it doesn't have to be this way.

-Good luck from an oldtimer who's been there!

Bluemountains

[Trippin2.0]

I agree with BM, and just want to add on to the genetic componant. I'm 1 of 6 children, the only bipolar in my family. So it's really not as cut and dry and bleak as it may look. We're all dealt our cards and have to learn to play our hands accordingly, and not in fear of which card we may get next. My daughter is 8y.o btw, so far so good all round. Happy,healthy child who understands her mom has 'off' days, and loves me just the same. It's not a walk in the park, but completely do-able

[faerie_moon_x]

Well, I'm almost 33 and I have 3 kids (one is a baby!) and a job and a husband and a pretty normal life, I'd say.

You have to take care of yourself, learn your triggers, learn when to ask for help, etc. I just love being a mom, I feel it's the only thing I really do well everyday vs. I'm only good at some things on certain days. I was very suicidal in my teens and twenties and that has subsided a lot. I contribute that to the fact that I want to be around to see my kids grow up. I have a goal. I have something in life to look forward to. I want to see my grandbabies and be the crazy old grandma who spoils the kids rotten.

Relationships are what you make them. If you're aware of your illness and taking steps to be well, it's easier than people who have no idea and just get washed along in the tide.

Bluemountains is right, there is always a risk of having kids that something will be passed along. It may be cancer, diabetes, MS, bipolar... so many illnesses in this world. Life is a risk. But it's a risk I am happy I took because I love my family and my kids very much. I wouldn't be who I am now without them. They've done so much for me just by being alive.

I have a daughter too. She is 9 and brilliant, happy, healthy. She too understands that I am sometimes off. Honestly in some ways she may be better for that. She is very understanding and thoughtful when it comes to her friends, everyone really. She is also able to express her feelings very openly.

You will be okay. You are thinking ahead. That's great. You will be able to decide what is right for you with confidence.

[BipolaRNurse]

My four grown kids all still speak to me and tell me they love me, so I have to assume that they survived childhood without hating their bipolar Mom too much.

Also, out of my entire family, I'm the only diagnosed BPer, so it doesn't necessarily have to be passed down. I do fear for my 23-year-old son, but he's not dx'd, nor do any of my other adult children appear to have it. So all in all, BP doesn't have to be the end of normality for us. We just have to work harder at it than other people, is all.

Welcome to PC! You'll find a very supportive and helpful group here, so never fear---we've got your back.

[Victoria'smom]

This may not be uplifting sorry, bad mood, but felt I had to answer:
This makes me want to tell my boyfriend, whom I love immensely, to go away and not waste his time.
One of the things I had to learn was that I had no right to choose who my husband decided to spend the rest of his life with, just like I can't chooses my friend's partners. No matter how old you get your boyfriend doesn't feel he's wasting his time and again you don't get to choose his feelings. Sorry if it sounds harsh but I did a lot of stupid things before I was informed that though he is my love and best friend I can't choose who he cares for.

Pregnancy -My pregnancy was not pretty the fact my husband stuck by me is a testament to how much he loves me. I did not know I had severe bipolar and did not have a support team. I also had a year of ppd but we got through it rather unscathed.

children grow up with a mother who isn't all there (I also have severe anxiety) or passing on the gene for it.
Best advice look for a support team for your family. I did pass the gene to my son, he had MI ramped on both sides. I would say he has a better then “normal” life. He's home schooled to cut back on the daily stress of his disorders. Participating in more fun activities then most children. Yes he has to deal with mental illness and having mentally ill parents. Yes some times he goes to visits family and has tons of fun with it. We have a HUGE support team. He has both parents at home, I feel in the end he'll be one of the most well adjusted child he can be. He's in a therapeutic atmosphere most of the time. He already has better coping skills then us.

Do I feel bad for “doing this to him”: some times, When we feel like bad parents our support reminds us that we have a wonderful child and we are excellent, supportive parents. Even when we don't see it.

Our support team consisting of: individual therapists (3), individual pdocs (3), individual group therapy(1), a dietitian, a GP that works solely works only with MI clients,a family therapist, a couples therapist and karate 3x a week. We have a great family and friend support.

[BlackPup]

Originally Posted by VoodooGirl

Hi! My question is about the future. I am 24 and have been worrying a lot lately. I am in a serious relationship (my boyfriend is aware of my bipolar) and have been thinking about our future and the thought is leaving me feeling anxious. I would consider myself to have a less severe case of bipolar, but it is enough to interfere with my life and relationship. I have attempted suicide before and, while I am not currently suicidal, I worry that I will get to that point again. Being so young, I worry about getting older. In short, I have a feeling I won't grow to old age. This makes me want to tell my boyfriend, whom I love immensely, to go away and not waste his time. I also worry about having children one day. Going through the extreme hormones of pregnancy and after terrify me. Also, having children grow up with a mother who isn't all there (I also have severe anxiety) or passing on the gene for it is enough for me to consider never having children even though it is something I have a strong pull to do one day.

To wrap up and get to the point...I was hoping for some reassurance from older bipolar patients that I can live a long life and have a somewhat normal life. Or more importantly, that my future children can have a normal life.

Thank you for any comments.

I'm only 32 so not much older and wiser!!!! I wanted to welcome you to PC and hope that you find help and support here.
I am currently having a relatively normal life with help from meds and a good T (I don't see him any more cos I moved cities - but the help and coping strategies that he gave me continue to help me now).
I am currently trying for a baby, my meds are changed so my baby can be healthy - but I'm still on a mood stabiliser and antidepressant.
I think you can maximise your chances of leading a balanced life by listening to a good pdoc and working out coping strategies with a good T. I hope you have found a pdoc and T that you can relate to. Some other things that help are exercising regularly, sleeping regularly and keeping a mood chart/ journal.

[roads]

VoodooGirl:

I was hoping for some reassurance from older bipolar patients that I can live a long life and have a somewhat normal life. Or more importantly, that my future children can have a normal life.

Since I was declared only last night to be "older than dirt," my viewpoint may help.
I'm going to urge you strongly to set aside all these current things you're worried about ... these are things really beyond your changing. Instead, learn all you can about bipolar disorder and put together a top-notch support network.
I have an amazing pdoc now, after firing a slew of 'em who were willing to settle for whatever meds we hit on soonest that seemed "good enough." "Good enough" isn't good enough when it's your life we're talking about! My current pdoc agrees with me: the best--nothing less will do.
My medical doctor is ace, as comfortable with alternative medicine as AMA-approved. I change therapists depending what issues I'm working on.
Friends are a major part of my support team. Invest in building friends for a lifetime. Look for people who can care for others without judging them.
I'm 66, VoodooGirl. Life's been a struggle, but I've always been able to get the help I've needed at the time. In spite of lost and heartbreak, I've had so much love and adventure and richly rewarding experiences during my life.
I discovered I was an alcoholic before I found out I was bipolar. I think the coping skills I learned in Alcoholics Anonymous have a lot to do with what success I've had in facing being bipolar. One of AA's primary "tools" is known popularly as the Serenity Prayer:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

Roadie

[VoodooGirl]

Thank you for the responses. I was just stuck in my head and worried. I think I am too worried about making everything perfect for the people around me and future children that I forget nothing and no one is ever perfect and all I can do is love those people as much as possible and do my best. It was very helpful to hear about all of you that have been able to have a family and relatively normal life.

Miguel'smom - Thank you for being so honest, I didn't take it in a harsh way at all. The first thing you said was actually very helpful making me realize if he loves me, he loves me and there is nothing I can do but accept that and appreciate it. If he couldn't handle it, he wouldn't stick around.

Bluemountains - You're question about how I am handling my anxiety is very right on...I am not handling it. I am prescribed Xanax, but it doesn't really seem to help. I need to go talk to someone because it is getting very out of control where I am constantly anxious about something, or nothing at all. I am sure that is contributing to my worrying about the future.