[Giabrina]

Hi, In about 4 weeks, I will hit the three year anniversary of when I had a nervous breakdown, became very suicidal, spent two weeks in the hospital and had several rounds of electric shock therapy. The electric shock therapy obviously did not work because I never improved and I find myself heading back down towards the path of another breakdown. I am desperately trying not to but I am not sure what I can do to help myself. My doctor started me on Risperadal about two weeks ago and I am not noticing any improvement. Reaching out to others for support..................

[roads]

Hey there, Giabrina. Roadie here ... bipolar alcoholic, previously thought chronically depressed. I had electro-shock therapy recommended for me for years prior to the bipolar Dx, but I was always frightened by the idea of losing so much memory.

I'm so sorry to hear that you didn't benefit from the treatment. Is is three years later & you've been continuing to suffer all this time? Sure doesn't seem you have a pdoc very active in working on your behalf. What besides shock therapy and Risperadal have you tried? When pdoc added Risperadal, what was the plan? i.e., you're to wait how long to expect a change?

My pdoc is my BFF when it comes to my meds and designing a plan for keeping a rein on mood swings in my bipolar disfunction. He and I keep a close relationship with my medical doctor and therapist. We're a team, but I consider pdoc and me the Bosom Buddies who set the pace for over-all team issues. When you say you're not sure what not sure what you can do to help yourself, I say: Develop a first-rate working relationship with your pdoc.

Don't ever settle for a doctor or a med that's "good enough." Expect and hold out for the best you can get.

Please realize that if you are heading back down towards the path of another breakdown, there's no reason from what you've said here to assume that you're at fault. Use the opportunity, though, to consider a greater expectation of everyone on your team--including you.

[dolphingirl]

Stay in close contact to those locally who can help you, a t, doctor, friend, relative, help line, etc. Did the doctor tell you how long before the meds would help? Call and ask.

[Victoria'smom]

I'm sorry things haven't got better. It doesn't sound like your pdoc is pro-active. Is there a way you can do a day program for more support while they get meds under control?

[cookfan56]

Hi Gia -- I most definitely know where you are coming from because I've BTDT. Literally. Six years ago this coming September I made a serious suicide attempt and was only saved because my husband found me at the last minute. I was hospitalized -- did a month long day program. Got sober one day at a time, got into very intensive therapy.

Now, after having two brief relapses, I am in my third continuous year of sobriety but oftentimes the depression is unbearable. I am only diagnosed Bipolar II, so I really haven't had the manias described here (except twice while on very high doses of prozac.) My mood tends to be very bad for very long, then with some respites where I am "almost" over the normal line. That is my background, I know it may not make sense to many here.

But I agree that a better p-doc or better relationship with the one you have is criticial. But also, I know myself that I can barely make a phone call to the eye doctor (very innocuous) when I'm depressed, so finding a new psychiatrist probably seems undoable. Please call your current doc's office. Ask to speak to someone there who could possibly tell you how to fit you into his schedule more often, and if not that, just bluntly say how bad you *really are* (I know how hard this is.) If you are very calm and polite, but they sense the desperation in your voice, someone there might be able to steer you toward another doc in the practice who has more time, or to another alternative. I don't know who your insurance co. is or if you have insurance, but that's also a call to make. A hard one, but those people are trained to take crisis calls (at least they're supposed to be @@).

Please don't give up!!! I sense your desperation. I have had many times of desperation myself this summer. My husband is having cancer surgery soon (early state prostate, so probably nothing to worry about) but my "plans" to have ECT hit the fan when we realized he needed surgery. Maybe it will be better off not getting it. Sounds like for you it didn't work out.

Let us know what happens, I normally don't respond to threads but your story hit very close to home for me.

[Giabrina]

Originally Posted by Roadie

Hey there, Giabrina. Roadie here ... bipolar alcoholic, previously thought chronically depressed. I had electro-shock therapy recommended for me for years prior to the bipolar Dx, but I was always frightened by the idea of losing so much memory.

I'm so sorry to hear that you didn't benefit from the treatment. Is is three years later & you've been continuing to suffer all this time? Sure doesn't seem you have a pdoc very active in working on your behalf. What besides shock therapy and Risperadal have you tried? When pdoc added Risperadal, what was the plan? i.e., you're to wait how long to expect a change?

My pdoc is my BFF when it comes to my meds and designing a plan for keeping a rein on mood swings in my bipolar disfunction. He and I keep a close relationship with my medical doctor and therapist. We're a team, but I consider pdoc and me the Bosom Buddies who set the pace for over-all team issues. When you say you're not sure what not sure what you can do to help yourself, I say: Develop a first-rate working relationship with your pdoc.

Don't ever settle for a doctor or a med that's "good enough." Expect and hold out for the best you can get.

Please realize that if you are heading back down towards the path of another breakdown, there's no reason from what you've said here to assume that you're at fault. Use the opportunity, though, to consider a greater expectation of everyone on your team--including you.

Hi Roadie and thanks for your response. It's taken all my strength and energy just to reply and think of a coherent answer, so that kind of gives you an idea of my state of mind. It is three years later and I still continue to suffer, so I think you bring up a very good point of the fact that my pdoc is not very active in working in my behalf. Besides shock therapy and my current Risperdal I have tried Geodon, Wellbutrin, Prozac, Lithium, Lamictal, and a few others that I am forgetting right now. I did a day treatment program for about two weeks prior to my nervous breakdown. I am going to take you advice and find a better doctor. One who will listen to me more and help me to find the right medication. Thank you for your advice.

[Giabrina]

Originally Posted by dolphingirl

Stay in close contact to those locally who can help you, a t, doctor, friend, relative, help line, etc. Did the doctor tell you how long before the meds would help? Call and ask.

Hi dolphingirl, No the doctor did not tell me how long it would take for the meds to help. I previously took it for 1 month and then went off of it because I gained about 20 lbs in one month. I did notice a difference however when I was on it for one month and that is why I asked the doctor to prescribe it again. this time, I am really trying to watch what I eat so I don't gain any weight. So far, only one pound gained. I don't have anyone with whom I can stay in close contact with and that is why I reached out to people on this forum. I don't really have any friends in real life who I can confide in and tell them that I am bipolar. I guess I am afraid of the stigma. But thanks for you advice....I appreciate it.

[Giabrina]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I'm sorry things haven't got better. It doesn't sound like your pdoc is pro-active. Is there a way you can do a day program for more support while they get meds under control?

Hi Miguel'smom, Your right, my pdoc is not pro-active. I am going to try to find another, I didn't think about doing a day program. I previously did one (before my nervous breakdown), and I think it would have been more helpful if I had put more effort into it. Finances are always an issue but I will look into it. Thanks for the suggestion.

[Giabrina]

Originally Posted by cookfan56

Hi Gia -- I most definitely know where you are coming from because I've BTDT. Literally. Six years ago this coming September I made a serious suicide attempt and was only saved because my husband found me at the last minute. I was hospitalized -- did a month long day program. Got sober one day at a time, got into very intensive therapy.

Now, after having two brief relapses, I am in my third continuous year of sobriety but oftentimes the depression is unbearable. I am only diagnosed Bipolar II, so I really haven't had the manias described here (except twice while on very high doses of prozac.) My mood tends to be very bad for very long, then with some respites where I am "almost" over the normal line. That is my background, I know it may not make sense to many here.

But I agree that a better p-doc or better relationship with the one you have is criticial. But also, I know myself that I can barely make a phone call to the eye doctor (very innocuous) when I'm depressed, so finding a new psychiatrist probably seems undoable. Please call your current doc's office. Ask to speak to someone there who could possibly tell you how to fit you into his schedule more often, and if not that, just bluntly say how bad you *really are* (I know how hard this is.) If you are very calm and polite, but they sense the desperation in your voice, someone there might be able to steer you toward another doc in the practice who has more time, or to another alternative. I don't know who your insurance co. is or if you have insurance, but that's also a call to make. A hard one, but those people are trained to take crisis calls (at least they're supposed to be @@).

Please don't give up!!! I sense your desperation. I have had many times of desperation myself this summer. My husband is having cancer surgery soon (early state prostate, so probably nothing to worry about) but my "plans" to have ECT hit the fan when we realized he needed surgery. Maybe it will be better off not getting it. Sounds like for you it didn't work out.

Let us know what happens, I normally don't respond to threads but your story hit very close to home for me.

Hi cookfan56, and thanks for you reply. My moods also tend to be very bad for very long and I also don't experience the mania like some do. I just stuck with being depressed all the time. Getting sober sounds like something I need to work on, however, I have been experiencing such bad anxiety/panic attacks lately that wine is the only thing that seems to calm me down and take away that feeling. It helps to relieve the stress I go thru everyday. I think I need to follow your lead and get sober, get into a day program and get intensive therapy.

ECT didn't work for me, but it might work for you. I hope your husband it doing okay and ironically I have a friend whose husband just had surgery due to the early stages of prostate cancer and he is doing well right now. I wish the same for your husband. Thanks for responding.