[ChristySpirals]

I only got 6 good days of hypomania and was feeling pretty normal for 2 of them after now back to irritable. So I went off meds, I can't stand this roller coaster, I want to be normal for longer, or hypo, but not this irritable crap. I can feel it getting stronger and stronger with each passing day. FML

[RobertDark]

I am living proof that going off meds isn't the way to stop the roller coaster. Going of meds, for me, just added more speed and loops on my roller coaster. How long have you been on meds? Maybe it would be worth looking into changing or increasing meds with your doc to try and get that stability you are looking for.

You aren't alone, BP is a constant roller coaster and sometimes it doesn't take the turns you hope it does.

[faerie_moon_x]

I don't know about going off meds. I know that I am not that great being on no meds. I'm a roller coaster, that's for sure.

Stability is found by a lot of hard work and time, I think. It's not an easy thing to do. But I don't know if hypomania is really good for you either. It might feel good, but I think it's hard on your body.

[ChristySpirals]

Thanks for the feedback, I will go back on tomorrow...today is a sit and chill day with about 12 or so beer haha.

[RobertDark]

Beer (well, alcohol in general) basically negates mood/depression medications, so think before you do that, too. I know, sometimes you just want to say 'f**k it' and get drunk, but don't forget the effects it can have.

[cocoabeans]

Is it because you can't concentrate? I'm off my meds and can't concentrate for ****. I make so many mistakes at work and send so many half thought out emails, say things and don't finish sentences and when I can think, F it if someone interupts me. >

But, other than not being focused, I feel better, weird and like me....happy angry?

[missbelle]

Try something besides alcohol...You will only get worse as its a depressant. You knew that anyway right?. I have major depression and have had it for years and my irratibility is a sign of my depression. Just thought you might want to know!!

[bluemountains]

Good luck, ChristySpirals. I am on my meds and stable, but I know exactly how you feel about the meds, about drinking, etc. Sometimes I have to give myself a little "poor me" time with a couple of glasses of wine-not very often, but it does happen. I also have really wanted to go off of my meds lately, but my t and pdoc are doing their jobs by convincing me to stay on them. Still...sometimes I really don't want to handle this disease and I convince myself that the two different times I have been tested and diagnosed might have been mistakes!

Btw, when I am irritable it is because my hypomania has increased. I go from a great feeling to ready to scream!

[ChristySpirals]

I hear you, and it effin sucks...I don't want to relate to ppl on here...I keep testing and testing everyone and ppl are relating. It sucks. I want to be different than everyone here, I want to be free again. I should give myself a break, I only found out a lil over a month ago, of course all this knowledge is going to be overwhelming.

I notice everything now, I notice how much of a bit...ch I am to my kids and hubby. I can't help but feel guilt but that stupid guilt doesn't last long enough to change, can I change, will I change? All these questions that all of you can answer and do answer and I hate it!!!!

Sorry, this is nothing personal against any of you, I just wish I wasn't like you, I wish I wasn't me.

[BipolaRNurse]

Originally Posted by cocoabeans

Is it because you can't concentrate? I'm off my meds and can't concentrate for ****. I make so many mistakes at work and send so many half thought out emails, say things and don't finish sentences and when I can think, F it if someone interupts me. >

That's ME!!! And I'm on meds........

Actually I had 3 really good weeks, and then my pdoc said to stop Celexa (we've been tapering down over the past few weeks) because we both thought it probably contributed to my recent manic episode. It wasn't three DAYS before I went into this irritable, distractible, ugly-***** mood, and while I've been trying to keep up appearances, by noon today I was ready to kill the next thing that knocked on my office door!!

It wouldn't be so bad had I not gotten that taste of normality, my first in years. And I'm not depressed---I'm just pissed. For absolutely NO reason. Now I understand why some people give up and OD on pills, crash their cars, or eat their .38 special (not that I would, I'm too big a weenie to face God and try to justify such a thing to Him)......sometimes, the process of getting well just seems overwhelming.

[ChristySpirals]

I was on celexa, I got pissed off and quit it cold turkey. I heard it is no different tappering off...google it. It is awful. I had such rank brain zaps and it felt like it would never end. I was on it for 3 or 4 years if that makes a difference? Anyways a little over a month passed and I went a whole day without zaps or irritability. There is hope, I promise. A lot of ppl run back to it because the withdrawals are awful. You can do it

[ChristySpirals]

Another thing about going off celexa was I went straight into hypo right after I felt better. I am now sitting here with blueberrry hair, fake nails, marital problems and some pretty confused guys. I am sure some other stuff but I don't know or care to hear or learn about it. My pdoc said that is me getting better lol, ok pdoc suck another d&*k braniac lol.

[teenytiny]

Ya I am definitly having one of those days as well and ya it sucks! And I'm on meds. I got the brain zaps too when i stopped taking my meds. Sometimes life isn't fair but we gotta deal with it the best way we can and take things day by day. Hope you feel better soon