[JustKeepGoing]

My mother was diagnosed with bipolar disorder a little over a year ago. Ever since, she seems to be doing more extreme things and exhibiting every symptom mentioned in the psychocentral bipolar description. I do not know much else about my family history other than my grandmother also suffered deep bouts of depression.

After reading the symptoms of Bipolar Disorder myself, I can relate to every single item, particularly when major life stressors happen.

A recent example:

Upswing:
I was "promoted" to a sort of administrative specialist role. Sometimes I stay up nearly all night talking about the possibilities of maybe someday becoming an executive myself or that my role is so important it could radically change the company. I become so excited that sometimes I can't sleep for days (maybe sleeping an hour or two), until I crash. I'm not really hungry, I talk excessively and so fast that no one really interrupts or adds to the conversation, I jump from one idea to the next (I feel so important and excited because I am constantly seeing things that I can change/fix. My manager recently stated that I have a lot of great ideas, but I can't possibly do them all...We need to look at the value of each suggestion. During our meetings, I quickly jump from one topic to the next. I feel impatient; I just want to do everything at lightning speed, which I feel may be impacting my ability to keep this job in the future. During these times I feel as though I don't need anyone and am much more likely to say something I will later regret to family and friends. Sometimes I do these things even though I know I shouldn't. I feel like I can't stop myself, and I want to calm down and sleep, but my thoughts race and there is just so much to do.)

Downswing:
I come down from my high and everything looks so gloomy. I see myself as no more than an administrative assistant. Nothing I do really matters in the grand scheme, and what kind of executive starts out at such a lowly position anyway especially when they can't seem to regulate their moods. I don't want to go out and explore the world, I'd rather sit and stare off into space. My ideas seem frivilous, and I wake up too early and can't fall back asleep. I'm always tired, even when before I could stay awake all night and still have energy.

I can't concentrate at work because I feel like everyone is talking about me. They can see how depressed I am and read me. I feel like I'm going to lose everything..what's the point? Caffiene can send me back into a euphoric state, where I feel like I can take on the world again. I usually avoid it unless I am dead exhausted because I know it is only a temporary fix, and I will crash again.

Am I crazy?

This is just a recent example. If I look at my entire life, I've been going through this all the time. It just doesn't usually take place so quickly. These moods described above go from week to week, day to day, month to month. I never know what I'm going to feel like next.

If I have this disorder, do I absolutely need medication?

I've never been one to take medicine unless I absolutely have to. I usually believe I can handle most of what comes my way through logical thinking and waiting for my body to heal. Could I just go to therapy, talk it out logically and be ok? It's just I don't always feel like I can control myself. I want to stop talking during one of my excited phases, but the words just tumble out. I know it may negatively affect important relationships, but I just say it anyway and feel bad about it later.

I realize no one out there has all of the answers. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I am just digesting all of my moods again and trying to figure out my options...

Just Keep Going, if I were you I would see a psychiatrist and talk about these feelings you have. We aren't experts in psychiatry so we can't diagnose for you.

I can say that you don't sound crazy to me. Maybe an idea or two may be a little
unusual, but who hasn't had dreams and fantasies?

If medication is ever required, just ask for the lowest dose possible to stabilize the
chemistry which is out of balance in bipolar illness. (It can be an inherited illness.)

Don't judge yourself, please. Just continue to live by your deepest inner principles,
see the psychiatrist, learn more about how your behavior is enabling you to release stress, and look for the silver lining.

The closer we are to people, the greater the danger of explosions--sick, well, whatever; that's just a natural thing in emotions.

By the way, bipolar illness doesn't mean that one is crazy; it's a mood disorder, not an intellectual disorder. You may be very intelligent, as I suspect you are from your writing.

You'll feel much better after talking to a psychiatrist.

Good wishes,

Genetic

[Travelinglady]

I agree with Genetic!

A family history shows up a lot in folks with bipolar. There seems to be a genetic component. I take medicine and see a therapist ever since I was diagnosed 12 years ago. I think most everybody does believe that at least taking a mood stabilizer is needed for official Bipolar Disorder--but you must be diagnosed first. Also, read all you can about it. Other aspects in life are important, too. And STRESS definitely can help bring an episode on!

[Anneinside]

Crazy:
Adjective:Mentally deranged, esp. as manifested in a wild or aggressive way: "Stella went crazy and assaulted a visitor".
Noun:A mentally deranged person.
Synonyms:adjective. mad - insane - demented - daft - lunatic - nutty
noun. lunatic

People with bipolar are not mentally deranged except when psychotic and most people don't have psychosis. Insanity is not a clinical/medical term, it is a legal term. Crazy is a derogatory term use to insult people. You are not crazy, you may be mentally ill.

[JustKeepGoing]

Thanks guys.

First step is talking to a psychologist, then we'll see what happens next.

Best case scenario, I'm just high strung

[BlueInanna]

I personally think a lot of people lead lives never having a dx of bipolar, but if they went to a psychiatrist they would get that dx. My pdoc took about 3 years to change my dx from depression with adhd to BP. So, no, I don't think you *have to* take meds unless you really need that relief. I believe some can deal with it with natural remedies, and probably a lot of therapy would be key. You're not ignoring it, you're dealing with it, so you'll be ready for in case it gets worse. Talking with a psychologist is a great idea, they won't write you for meds, but can help you decide if that's a route you want to take, and give you referrals to pdocs, and they can provide you with valuable therapy.

[Victoria'smom]

I think if you do get Dx'd with BP that's something you and your doctor have to decide. The goal is the least meds with the most benefits.

You're right, BlueInanna, about the percentage of bipolar folks who get helpf for their
condition. I read somewhere recently that about only 7% worldwide of people who are bipolar ever get help for their illness.

Rather staggering, isn't it? I doubt that many have any idea that anything could be wrong, especially if they were reared in a family in which the illness was inherited.

Those who get help learn a good bit about the mind and emotions and sooner or later learn to separate the emotions from the thinking--I never could do that and have always wondered why it was important to do so, except that it keeps the lid on the boiling water, I guess.

Have a great July 4th, those who are in the U.S. If you're in another country, have a good day on the 4th, as well!

Genetic

[JustKeepGoing]

Thanks for all of the posts!

I talked to a psychologist and first we are going to tackle my anxiety and then discuss possible bipolar.

It's relieving to know that I wouldn't absolutely have to take medications.