[3little.birds]

It really feels like I'm always left out. Maybe some guys can enlighten me here. My boyfriend and I are 20. My boyfriend always seems to need his "guy" time. Which is fine, whatever. But all but one of the guys he hangs out with has a girlfriend. I get along fine with them I think at least. Is it so crazy to want to hang out sometimes with all the couples? My boyfriend makes me out to be horrible because I get upset that three months will go by and he gets his "guy" time in all the time but I never get any social time with other people! I mean its my problem that I have no friends, but why does he have to rub it in?

Is it me? Please, be honest. I can take it.

[eloquentdisaster]

Have you voiced this concern to him and had a thorough discussion about it? If not, he may just not understand that you feel like you're being left out.

[3little.birds]

Yep I have, many many many times. I've been with my bf 4 years now. He's had the same friends the whole time. No one wants to hang out with the girl friends ever unless we have a big party, which doesn't happen anymore. Oh wait, I'm allowed to hang out if I can convince a friend to come hang out with me. Which never happens, because I am slowly but steadily drifting away from all of my friends.

[eloquentdisaster]

Then it doesn't sound like it is your fault. If the other guys won't bring their girlfriends, he may just feel like it would be unwelcome for him to bring you. Would it be possible to just coordinate with the other girlfriends, and hang out together without the boyfriends?

[3little.birds]

One of the gfs is socially awkward. The other is perfect-- super pretty, skinny, nice boobs, quiet, nice. You know what I mean. They wouldn't want to hang out without the bfs.

[hilaryous10]

I know how you feel. It is important for you to go out and make your own friends. Us girls need girl time as time. I have both girl and guy friends that I hang out with. You need to have other friends to spend time with because if not the two of you may get tired of being around each other all the time or doing the same thing with the same people. Life is too short to be sad! :-)

[eloquentdisaster]

Hm, then I'm not sure what else to suggest. All I can think of is to talk to the bf again, as honestly as possible and perhaps suggest having a party again. Or a weekly everyone-meets-up type thing.

[BlueInanna]

Can you sign up for an interesting class or group? Meet some new people to hang out with? I don't think you're going to change his guy time thing, and you gotta have some fun too.

Originally Posted by BlueInanna

Can you sign up for an interesting class or group? Meet some new people to hang out with? I don't think you're going to change his guy time thing, and you gotta have some fun too.

I think this is a wonderful idea! If your relationship is secure and he needs boy time, i think it is quite healthy to make some fun / interesting time for yourself as well

My parents have been married for over 50 years and i think that is part of their success. They have outside interests as well as quality alone time. They also do lots of couples things And travel.

What interests you? Would you like to learn a new craft? Take a fun class? Join a pilates / yoga group? Skies the limit!

[3little.birds]

I'm just really shy, too. Id love to join something if someone would do it with me . Lol. Catch 22. I just lose either way. I'm either a b$!ch that doesn't let my bf have friends or I'm pathetic and lonely.

I love having parties. Its really the only time people act like they like me and want to hang out with me. Im fun to party with. I don't have my own home yet, though, so that only happens when my bfs parents go away, which isn't that often.

[Irreplaceable]

He's young....The majority of the early 20 year olds that I have come across act like this....Hell, even some of the older ones but it's really not uncommon for a young man his age to act like this....Not saying that what he is doing is right, but it's not abnormal...

Originally Posted by 3little.birds

I'm just really shy, too. Id love to join something if someone would do it with me . Lol. Catch 22. I just lose either way. I'm either a b$!ch that doesn't let my bf have friends or I'm pathetic and lonely.

I love having parties. Its really the only time people act like they like me and want to hang out with me. Im fun to party with. I don't have my own home yet, though, so that only happens when my bfs parents go away, which isn't that often.

That is the entire point .... challenge yourself....work on this with your T if you'd like to...shyness can be overcome. Also perhaps you can work on self-esteem issues.

Simply by joining a club, group, class, activity, you will automatically be with others that enjoy things that you do Nobody has to pretend anything. I am sure you are quite lovely and have a lot to give.

Don't wait for others to come to you...you have to meet them at least half way, my dear.

Best wishes!
Rose

[bluemountains]

I don't know if you like to exercise, but I find people in exercise classes to be friendly-misery loves company! Also, volunteering will put you in touch with other possible friends. It is nice to have a particular interest when "looking" for friends. If you like organized religion, there are young adult groups-not all are ultra-conservative, we have a group at our church who meet while having a few beers. Check out your local rec dept., there should be class or sport activities that are reasonably priced.
Good luck!