I can't listen to music ...at all!!

...I find music to be such an intense trigger for me.

like right now I want to play some, put on some tunes I KNOW I like but I am pretty much terrified!

how silly ridiculous hey?

...it's a full body and mind transportation into memories and flashbacks that...well getting there aint the problem, thats easy...but coming back getting back to stable takes enormous effort.

...music destabilises me it's that powerful I have had breakdowns when vulnerable and playing music that has meaning to my life.

It's a real drag...I really want to listen to some Nirvana right now but it's likey to make me drink alot and then write like a madman and it could go on for days....it might sound weird?

I get hardcore emotional I want to FEEL this way but it hurts so bad later trying to squeeeeze myself back into reality.

it's totally calm ...or it's totally out there. difficult choices

Must be hard to live without music. It's my escape place when I want to get out of my head I listen to music and go for a walk. Can you put together a playlist that doesn't trigger intense emotions and flashbacks, but then I guess it wouldn't be your favorite music...

Have you tried meditation music? Soundscapes... instrumentals, they really help me when I can't bring myself to hear Evanescence and Five Finger Death Punch.

...I know what you mean BlackPup, I have tried to just select uplifting or cheerful music and even that gets me all intense it's like a drug effect anything can happen.

I expect it sounds crazy?...I don't even have a radio in my car I removed it. I have walked out of jobs before when a song came on the radio and changed my mood and thinking.

...'sound sensitive', you know when a smell can take you back in memory like you are there maybe?

it confuses me because there is obviously a part of me ...(or all of us) and our life experiences in some music or other and yet I cannot enjoy it without doing damage to myself...

...I just checked out that last band on the google, didn't listen to it but never heard of it either...wasn't hard to figure out it would be heavy!

yeah it's probably powerful stuff as evanescence is also I used to listen to them. Most everything I like is powerful...not the slightest bit gentle and if it is gentle it's way too meaningful.

like often when I'm in severe depression mania I put on the tv and watch the kiddies channel because it's so harmless, maybe you are right I should find some...what is it?...foresty music soundscapes. I may not have a choice...

I just really miss the stuff that has made me sort of who I am in a way. people often say...."hey whats ya favourite band" and that, well it seems a bit odd to say yeah well "this band...but I can't listen to it"

I know what you mean James, but it only happens when I'm already fragile, like yesterday A7x made me CRY! Buuut on the flipside of that coin, I sometimes do allow myself to get musically triggered, as at those times I have ALOT of pent-up emotion to expel. But again, only in a safe environment, no added substances, just my speakers and my tears...

I'm suddenly a hypcrite Ophelia....so desperate to hear something other than my radical brain....I pulled my socks up carefully and decided to listen to a bit. I'm trying to let the pent up "stuff"...()...out gently....

damn mental business has gotta go somewhere or....like you were saying before....explosions!! dis-orderly kitten chaos

What works for me is to let the emtions come inside and then picture them in my mind slowly disintegrating into nothingness so that peace and calm return. They may continue to pop up from time to time, but each time picturing them dissolve makes the intensity much less until they eventually fade away.

They are mostly unconscious things that emerge, though, in this experience for me.

I think some of us who are bipolar are very, very sensitive to imagery.

I hope you find a way to let the images disintegrate so that you're calm again. You won't forget them, I don't think; but they'll be much less harmful each time they return.

Genetic

Yeah, gotta protect the kittens. Hope it remains a gentle expulsion