....far out what a stupid long title but there it is!

funny thing about this dis-order I notice there is this reflex deliberate memory loss...

I DON"T WANT TO BE THIS VULNERABLE TOMORROW!

dumbasss I go to sleep expecting to wake up if I get to sleep that is ....

I expect it to all be over every day of my life....

and nuthin' has happened



I wake up and I haf' to go thru it all again....control myself....

[hamster-bamster]

No, James, when I wake up I know I am bipolar. When I wake up, I run to take Levoxyl, a synthetic thyroid hormone that I have to take to counteract Lithium's effects on my thyroid gland. Levoxyl has to be taken at least half and hour, better an hour, before breakfast, so I run for it. So the very first thing I encounter each morning is: I am bipolar and need meds for side effects of my bipolar meds. So there is no escaping for me.

.....Hamster I don't know what to say write or whatever suddenly I wish I was you I'm so dis-organised

[eloquentdisaster]

I'm never really surprised that I'm still bp, though the moods themselves can take me by surprise.

[roads]

Gosh, James, I'm just glad I woke up again. To be honest, when I go to sleep at night I'm never really sure that I'll wake up again. It's a surprise in the morning when I do, and a good one.

So everything else? I just deal with that stuff.

[cocoabeans]

"I have bipolar101" I think I failed that class.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by dubblemonkey

.....Hamster I don't know what to say write or whatever suddenly I wish I was you I'm so dis-organised

I am pretty disorganized, too, but not with Levoxyl. I know what happens if there is not enough Levoxyl in my blood: terrible physical weakness. I once had to order grocery delivery online when I had low thyroid because I was too weak to walk 10 minutes to the grocery store. After that, they upped my dose of Levoxyl and I have been taking it faithfully - I never want to be so physically weak again.

crap I don't know how to multi f.'n reply..

roadie...!

I got some feelings there more than computers....

and cocobeans the same thing happened....

politely screw the internet...love, monkey..

[plumapplepear]

I am what I am there is no escape.

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

I am pretty disorganized, too, but not with Levoxyl. I know what happens if there is not enough Levoxyl in my blood: terrible physical weakness. I once had to order grocery delivery online when I had low thyroid because I was too weak to walk 10 minutes to the grocery store. After that, they upped my dose of Levoxyl and I have been taking it faithfully - I never want to be so physically weak again.

..took my time sorry N...

**** I know weakness from depression and drugs and imobility.

whats going on now ? where are you at?

Originally Posted by plumapplepear

I am what I am there is no escape.

..yeah me too...ever thought that you are what you are and no-one else can do that!

[Blue Poppy]

I wake up, say oh ****, this again. Then I seriously contemplate going back to bed for the day.

[bluemountains]

I understand, James. It would be nice to wake up and be in total control.
Btw, I'm enjoying your posts because of all of the neat graphics/pictures you have been using.
Bluemountains

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by dubblemonkey

..took my time sorry N...

**** I know weakness from depression and drugs and imobility.

whats going on now ? where are you at?

I was about to end my relationship with D. but my former teacher, who knows him, talked me out of such drastic steps. So I just said that I would not be able to travel the country with him, because I do not want to jeopardize my job by taking so many days off, but I will be pleased to show him Northern California taking just a couple days off. At first he replied with "that is a shame, but of course the job is the most important thing". In an hour though he wrote that it would be no fun to travel the country without me, even though he really wants to see America (we were going to go to Wyoming and Georgia and then Boston) but traveling would be boring without me, so he is changing his plans for a vacation and he will do Paris where he has friends and then rent an apartment in the South of France for a week - it is closer and more convenient for him than the States. And he will postpone his visit to the States for a year. So I am nothing but a fun travel companion to him, you see. And I was so much looking forward to seeing him. I was preparing menus in my head and thinking of how well I will treat him in bed, you see. I do not sleep around - sex is a serious thing for me, my bp hypersexuality has expressed itself mostly in very intense sex with the same partner or in *almost* crossing the line to being unfaithful but not quite - I do not do casual sex, it was a serious thing for me to want to sleep with him, and he treats me like a nice thing to have around. Nice but disposable. That's where I am at. But I am getting lots of support and guidance from my former teacher, so I am fine.

Many thanks for asking!

[~Christina]

I never know what mood I'm going to be in when I wake up... regardless of what mood it may be I sure wish I usually wake up and be like Oh S*** another day of trying to muddle thru!!!!!

[BipolaRNurse]

When I wake up in the morning in the kind of nice, stable mood I've been in the past couple of weeks, I can almost forget that I'm bipolar. I don't feel bipolar.......until I see my med-minder on the nightstand and remember that I have to take this handful of pills to keep the crazy away.

[Faraway tree]

Haha yup I am still surprised. I've just started meds foe the first time in the last five weeks or so. I wake up and think "why does my brain feel so quiet? Why don't I feel nervous when I wake up? Why can I think straight?" then I'm like "aww that's right, I have bipolar and I'm on drugs that turn me into a wee space cadet". Nuts.