Planning on going inpatient

No response yet, but have a friend that's been middle-manning" the process and also keeping in touch.
I'm out of the worst

Thats good to hear

I don't know if the thoughts are just thoughts, or possibilities.
I mentioned them to my bf last night

Pm me If you need to.

Thanks - I've logged on.
My best friend is going away for the weekend
My boyfriend would be freaked
I'm not sure what med changes they can do
I don't know if sleep therapy exists (I sleep enough anyway)
I feel I am alone with this decision
Technically my parents ought to know, but I don't want to say anything to them - I'm 26 and don't live at home after all
I'm concerned I need to actually just wear my "big girl panties" and leave the benzo's alone

I don't know what to do! I am so lonely

If someone is online, pls pm me to chat

HEy Sugahorse, still there?

Yes. It's 2:15 PM here

Hang in there, Sugahorse.

Maybe tomorrow. Pdoc mailed back. I just have such little IRL support. Been sleeping loads

Good to hear your pdoc emailed back. I hope things get better soon.

I know it sucks to have little IRL support. I have none, never actually had any. But, I also know that you can kick this things butt. hang in there, and keep us updated

Hey Sugahorse,
I haven't chimed in yet, but not because I haven't followed the thread. I had hoped that you would quit worrying about everyone else's thoughts and just go to the hospital. I, too, am an abuser, so I competely understand the klonopin abuse. I think that you are taking too many of the klonopin, and if nothing else, you need to immediately address this with your pdoc. Are you drinking, too? I may have missed this in the posts. Since I have an abusive personality and come from a long line of abusers, I understand your need, but I think that it is time to deal with it.
Sugahorse, I have followed your needs for a while. I know that you are hurting. If the hospital is necessary, then take that step, but at the least, immediately talk with your pdoc and/or t!
Bluemountains

Hi, sorry it took so long to get back, been at work. How are you doing hon? Still at home?

Took the day off work. Bored out of my mind though.
I feel OK, but I know it's partially because I'm not at work.

I know don't know if i was over-reacting; or if I should go to the hospital. My pdoc is still my new pdoc - I've only been to see her once. Hence I haven't spoken to her that much; only via email and a third party really.
But now i feel so lost.

When do you expect to see her next? Is it going to be one of these "once in a blue moon" things again?

Prob see her in about 6 week. Then every 6 to 12 weeks I guess. After I saw her the first time, the meds kicked in really nice. And then I had a wobbly. Now I don't know what I feel

I just can't form a bond with any pdoc and get close to them. I know when I'm in a BAD place, but not in a place where I ought to reach out. And my friends are all deserting me too

For me, my reach out place is where I'm not coping anymore, when I'm resorting to unhealthy behaviours to stay afloat, but we each have our own threshold... I've never bonded with a pdoc, but never hesitated to inform them if I was struggling. 1 sent me inpatient, the other referred me to a T. Both were very helpful pdocs who listened to what I had to say. Friend desertion is rough, not that I ever had any who were part of my bp support. My dx is not a secret, but I've never had any irl support that wasn't clinical, people around me just don't get it, and trying to explain is perplexing for both me and them. I really hope you get to a better place, you've been suffering a long time now, and I know how lonely and overwhelming it gets.

Bonding with Pdocs is tricker than bonding with a T. they aren't generallt as good at their end of it, even if they are sympathetic. And you don't have as much time with them. That sucks about your friends, though. Has this been going on for a while?
HUGGGSSSS