when your own crap backfires

...it's happened again!...and I am not surprised. like a virus this online world eats into my already damaged social skills and I cannot assimilate and it happens suddenly.

I have poured my heart and soul out here and I just feel unreasonably crap about it I don't expect to feel otherwise someone like me does not belong here ****ed up as I am is not a free pass to acceptance and I really don't ****ing know what I am trying to do save the world save my dumbass ****ing self I don't know I don't care.

I hate this place I hate the world that made this damn place I hate myself I just ****ing hate heaps of **** and this is what I love

and **** it all thanks for reading thanks for everything thanks for nothing I don't even know who the **** I'm talking to ?

monkey out of here

james out of here

Whats wrong Doublemoney? I'm here for you!!

...I'm ****** I'm moody I'm damn exhausted I'm not scared no more I want to change everything I can't I am so ****ing tired of pushing **** uphill I am tired I am angry I am upset I am having trouble being this negative cos it's so vital to be up-****ing beat when ill...just to survive I am fed the **** up!

I am fed the **** up...and even more ****** because I know I will deal with it somehow.

I think thats whats wrong I think?...I thought about it for a minute there thats what I came up with I feel it's right or wrong or both

An uphill battle, seems like all the time. I get fed up alot. Feels like nobody understands me, it's very frustrating! Then my father making fun of me and to other family members. It if wasn't for my mother having alzheimers I wouldn' ever go visit again!

You said it yourself, "bc I know I will deal with it somehow". It so hard when we get like this to remember we will survive this. Let it out! Hit pillows or ?? I wouldn't make any rash decisions right now. You might regret it later. Been there, done that. Still here for ya.

I'm going back to the black world...the dangerous land the mudpool of crap I arrived here in.. swimming madly like a deadbeat tripped out shitbag....take all my insane wisdom with me so I float on all the **** breathing the stench from 1000 fly blown dead dreams.

...and just let it all slide right on by I'm fed the **** up and it's easier this way thank **** for that !!

I'm done with trying to be smart! I don't know what the **** is wrong with everyone else here I cannot help and all the flying fat ****ing love I got won't make a scribble **** of a difference in this twisted tossed up shitslop world...

I'm tired this was coming a mile away I can see I want to be blind cover my eyes

...I don't know what happened....???

I thought I had it all figured out today like happens sometimes you know ?

while other people are thinking about new shoes and ****ing wall paint I'm trying to survive and today I actually thought I figured it out and then it was gone like a


nuthin' to stand on nuthin to hold with nuthin to see with

I know what you mean. Others talking about their problems and I think Geez wish I had only those problems. I'm just trying to get thru the day! I talk to them about their problems and try to help them if I can then it's back to my pile of ****.

Monkey,

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you. Here's a Hug- . Even though I can't say I know you from reading your posts, it's clear to see that you are very intelligent... also so funny.
It seems you have a lot to offer to the world so do not give up.

Please take care of yourself and feel better.

Monkey

I'm so sorry your feeling this way .. I have no grand words to pull you out of this funk ,, Just know that you matter to ME and I want you feel better.

Monkey

Definitely can relate so sorry you are at this point
Here is a ick one for you
Brown spots on wall by who flung poo
So the s:-) has gone into the fan and your head is spinning?
Maybe the next mood will be better we know we have enough of them.