overkill

And the rain comes down for days…it never goes up makes me wonder why words like ‘downpour’ exist?...you know what I mean?


And my wardrobe has coat hangers for 10 people space for 15 I live alone whats the deal with that?...I only wear two or three things

…eating out has too many options just shove the entrée on the maincourse and screw it! Pour icecream over the damn lot!....thanks

I browse the shampoo shelf looking for something under 5 bucks that makes bubbles and smells good but nearly get ejected from the supermarket for swearing about it!...if I was a real cracker I could tell you there are 86 shampoos there….guess I am a real cracker and I just did tell you.

The judge says I need help so sends me to counselling….substance abuse woman, anger management guy, borderline personality specialists….later: I get confused, abuse some more substances wind up angry in a cop car after borderline suicide.

I turn on the tele I can’t hear the voices the dialogue the plot there is way too much ******** sound in the background. …and when I do hear the voices it’s tragedy the slightest tragedy in amongst all the beauty in the world and they put it on! DAMN IT!

…I became nervous about being in the crowds I tried so hard the anxiety turned into complete mal-adjustment.

I became confident about my existence I failed to care enough to exist….and nearly died.

Love hit me so suddenly I didn’t fall I simply fell over I hated how that hurt! Cos it was a collision unlike anything…my heart broke during 5 minutes of truth and 20 years of lies never made a difference ...

And the rain still falls and it’s marvellous there is nothing more beautiful than the clear crisp repetition of raindrops on the roof on my body if I dare on my soul. Nothing more beautiful than the darkness with rain during sadness and depression and mood overkill.

Helps a person think

Oh, yes. Where are you getting these images?

Genetic

I search and they match up with what I'm looking for at the time...but I gotta be quick cos the images in my mind vanish real quick

apart from that...I'm an extremely dis-organised individual...

its downpour cuz there is no hope in it, to ever be anything other. It's downpour when we are happy and it's downpour when we can't handle it. it doesn't change, we have to. I guess we have to stop looking at the downpour and find something else... but what do we do when the rain is so hard that we can't see anything else? when everything is washed away?

..swim for your life

i guess so

thing is Dan...

when you give yourself permission to swim hard ...thats what you do!

let me explain this.

....if you believe you are unjustified in your own suffering....right!

then...you will not be able to apply yourself to the areas of your life that are the EXACTLY the ones that support you through the hardship.
and you do have hardship yes?

...instead you will might blame yourself accuse yourself become your own victim and this SUX....it's death down that way yep...

...it's validation Dan..the most effective comfort in the world...

to drop the comparisons to go inside and accept admit you/I hurt and got reasons...and damn you the lot of you I'm needing to effing do this about it...let me do it I will get back to you when I am done...

thanks for comin'

(that kinda thing Dan)

Okay. I will try that

I reckon you will....

that would be great mate...

to let yourself off the hook....

break loose!

just like all of us here we have been hurt and we took it on the chin or wherever else it hurt.

part of healing is planting the foot and sayin'..."no more of that"...!

"no more of this"...!

I want to change my experience....