[PrincessxKitty]

i've recently been avoiding mirrors (more) recently. i always had a problem with my skin. i HATE it. my face & my body. i had horrible acne ever since middle school and now have battle scars from it.
i also have eczema which i was born with; it's controlled right now, but it gets very angry during season changes. i was once put on oral steroids, because i had such outbreaks that caused me to scratch my skin raw in my sleep. my ex used to tape socks to my hands so i wouldn't rip my skin apart. it's a lot better now, but i still have inflammations and i'm now getting some of it on my face which does not add to the acne/acne scars i have. i wish it was possible to get a skin transplant, though it sounds absurd.
i also have a BUNCH of (food) allergies in which i'm supposed to stay away from - soy, fish, peanuts, treenuts, gluten, grass, almost all types of trees, dairy sensitive; which sucks because i already HATE eating, i just find eating to be such a hassle.
lastly, i am very unhappy with my weight. i know i'm not overweight according to any and every chart there are out there. everyone i know calls me crazy when i tell them i'm fat or that i feel fat, but to me i AM fat. i'm the biggest i've ever been - sure a lot of it is muscle mass and water weight, but that doesn't justify the fact that i feel FAT and i don't want to wear anything else but yoga pants/shorts.
i can never bring up my issue with my weight, because i get a huge lecture every time i do and many people bring up the issue that i might be suffering with body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), but i don't know if i agree with that or not....

is there anyone suffering with BDD? and if so insight would be very much appreciated.

[Confusedinomicon]

Are you seeing a therapist right now?

BDD is a serious problem and early treatment of it is crucial. I have a slight issue with my own body where I used to obsessively pick my fat, and I would do it subconsciously. I also lack some self-confidence because I'm the biggest of my good friends that live around me and I'm 135 lbs so I'm not HUGE. (I'm really going to try hard and stick to a workout for the next 3 months!) Luckily, my friends and boyfriend are fairly supportive and I'm not seen as less desirable because of the weight.

However, if it ever became an obsessive thought for me, again, I would see a therapist. I would see one that specialized in it because I'd want someone experienced in treating it to see me.

[PrincessxKitty]

Originally Posted by Confusedinomicon

Are you seeing a therapist right now?

BDD is a serious problem and early treatment of it is crucial. I have a slight issue with my own body where I used to obsessively pick my fat, and I would do it subconsciously. I also lack some self-confidence because I'm the biggest of my good friends that live around me and I'm 135 lbs so I'm not HUGE. (I'm really going to try hard and stick to a workout for the next 3 months!) Luckily, my friends and boyfriend are fairly supportive and I'm not seen as less desirable because of the weight.

However, if it ever became an obsessive thought for me, again, I would see a therapist. I would see one that specialized in it because I'd want someone experienced in treating it to see me.

i'm in the process of getting a *new* therapist. i haven't had one in a while cause of insurance issues. i'm actually the smallest of my friends although i don't feel like i'm the skinniest. i was never COMPLETELY happy with my weight, but this is literally the biggest i've ever been. i'm still not *technically* overweight, but i feel like i am. my friends also tell me not to look at the scale cause they say it's probably mostly muscle, but i disagree..

[Confusedinomicon]

I cannot own a scale. I will check it 3-4 times a day. I used to always feel immense guilt when I ate anything, too.

I think its important to talk about this with your therapist so they can help you feel more comfortable in your skin.

[faerie_moon_x]

I don't have BDD but I have horrible self-esteem and sometimes anger and depression about my appearance and body. I think I'm more than just ugly in a lot of ways. I was badly bullied as a kid by both adults and peers about my looks when I was young. But, it goes beyond that. I actually often don't even associate with my reflection. I startle myself in the mirror because I don't associate what I see with how I picture myself in my head. I have a completely different body, a completely different face, completely different hair.

Even when I don't feel startled looking in the mirror I feel like I'm looking at myself in a costume or it just feels very unrealistic.

I remember as a little girl I thought when I turned into a teenager I would become a new person and shed my old skin and body and transform (kind of like how the ugly duckling becomes a swan.) When that didn't happen it was a huge disappointment.

[~Christina]

I can relate so very much .. I also struggle with ED and BDD ...

The only advice I can offer is .. get a Therapist as soon as possible . and begin working on your issues and problems .. There is no quick fix , it will take effort .

I feel for you , feel free to PM anytime.

[hamster-bamster]

Tazorac, unless it is not compatible with your steroids, will do wonders for your acne and will prevent wrinkles to boot. It is very expensive without insurance, but a little goes a long way.

If you are willing to invest in one of those expensive ($100 or so) Japanese scales that measure your body mass, muscle mass, fat percentage, bone mass, they might put you at ease in regards to how "big" you are.

These bits of advice do not substitute for a therapist.

[hamster-bamster]

There is also an Eating Disorders forum on here. It may be more appropriate.

Boy, your list of foods to avoid is just horrifying.

But still, hating eating is completely abnormal. You would not survive without eating. Your hating eating should be immediately brought up to a professional's attention.

A person should be hedonistic about eating. It is hard with your list of forbidden foods, but it is the worthy goal.

Have you ever been hedonistic about food? When did all this stuff about feeling fat start?

[Moose72]

I think I'm the opposite. I think I look skinny but the minute I look into a mirror I see I'm really obese. I avoid mirrors like the plague.

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I think I'm the opposite. I think I look skinny but the minute I look into a mirror I see I'm really obese. I avoid mirrors like the plague.

^^^ This is me, too! I always feel like I'm this tiny little person, then I look in the mirror and.... oh yeah, I'm fat.

I'm a skinny person trapped in a fat body. (And yeah, I'm fat, 30 lbs over weight, but down from 50 lbs over so... progress...)

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by dark_heart_x

^^^ This is me, too! I always feel like I'm this tiny little person, then I look in the mirror and.... oh yeah, I'm fat.

I'm a skinny person trapped in a fat body. (And yeah, I'm fat, 30 lbs over weight, but down from 50 lbs over so... progress...)

Exactly.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by dark_heart_x

I'm a skinny person trapped in a fat body. (And yeah, I'm fat, 30 lbs over weight, but down from 50 lbs over so... progress...)

Wow, that is a huge progress, congrats!