so why do you stay on meds?

I'll bite. I took meds and stayed on them for almost a decade but I was convinced I needed to, and a lot of that time I did need them. I was having so many problems with psychosis and mania, depression yup. And I did not have a stable point that lasted more than a few weeks. Multiple times I avoided the hospital at my Pdoc's request for mania, and I was hospitalized for mania in the end. The thing is, no matter how many meds, or what combination, nothing seemed to work for me. And that got frustrating after the first few years, never mind a decade of it. So I was getting all the nasty side effects, but i was not reaping any real rewards for it either.

But in that time I had found PC and I was introduced to new ideas, strategies, and most of all hope. I saw some people here doing it without meds, and of course I always wanted that too, I just never thought it was possible. So I slowly made a plan, worked on building skills, and changing my lifestyle and perspective, and I slowly dropped the meds one by one. I finally got off all six of them, and so far so good. And I had a great deal of support for the people here, without that I probably wouldn't have succeeded.

I have my memory back, my brain back, basically I have my life back. I go back to work this fall, a first in 7 years. I can't even believe it. For me it took no meds, and a lot of work to maintain it. But this has been the most stable time for me in my whole life. I don't think this however is what everyone needs. It is what I needed. I can completely understand taking meds as I have been on both sides.

I had gone off my meds at least over 20 times in the past, and each time did end in complete disaster, I was not prepared, and I wasn't ready. When I dropeed the meds this time I was pretty scarred that I would fail, but I trusted all the new tools I had and I trusted myself to make sure I had safety nets.


I can't answer for Cocoabeans obviously, this is just my take on it.

Wow, Anika, you are going back to work, congratulations! How will you manage with the children, or are they big enough?

They are 11, 12, and 13 now. Thanks Hamster, it will be part time house keeping at the ski resort. Nothing glamourous, but easy and not too much stress, and I will be able to retain my disability status as well. I'm allowed to make an extra $500 without it being deducted from my disability, and now that the kids are getting older, I really can use the extra income.

I'm a bit nervous, but I think it'll be ok.

They don't work, have unpleasant side effects and I don't really need them right now.

To add, I dislike doctors.

If there were some "magic combination" that did work for me, it isn't worth anymore months to years of playing guess what we try next, to find it.

I can tolerate another "episode" and if I couldn't, I honestly wouldn't mind if I became horribly depressed and ended up sticking my head in an oven. It's gotta end some how right?

I think you will be OK, I do not think that guests at such places leave behind a lot of garbage, so it should be light-weight work. I hope!

so i don't go completely bat-**** cray cray and somewhat pull off being a "normie" hahah

i'm hoping to get off of them though. i'm still desperately hopeful that just maybe i may be able to get into the military sometime in this lifetime...

I think disliking doctors is a big part of it. I think there is some minimal amount of trust in the profession that is required to benefit from medications and non-pharmacological medical advice. Since you despise doctors, you cannot be medically helped, so you are doing the right thing not seeing them and not taking the medications.

I am not really big on placebo effect. When my former p-doc prescribed Prozac, I had zero faith. Zero. I still filled the prescription, and the drug became effective within days. (!) So it was clearly not placebo given that I had no faith. Lithium is not placebo - I start spending after missing a dose and a half and not realizing it. But when my former p-doc prescribed Temazepam, I already had faith because I already saw that the lady knew what she was doing. That she had an infectious, arresting smile (an Indian woman with a mouthful of pearls) and talked to me about all my problems did not hurt either. I think I will forever remember her smile. So maybe with Temazepam there is some placebo effect because I had faith.

I am scared like hell than anorgasmia from Geodon will become tardive because I have read about similar effects from SSRI's. But my new p-doc, the young guy who impressed me with his maturity, is positive that he will solve this problem, and I trust him - starting with next visit, we will try different meds in place of Geodon.

Because you have no trust and no faith, you have closed down this avenue of potential help altogether.

I should add that in outpatient setting, I have had three good docs counting the new one and three horrible docs and one so-so, so I understand that the chances of finding a good one are not so high, and in the Canadian system, you do not have much choice.

I too have a pdoc that I feel is more than awesome! it really does make all the difference in the world!

I totally agree! It makes me very sad knowing that had I gotten any one of my good p-docs right when I was first diagnosed in 2006 or even better, earlier when I was already ill but not dx'd, I would have been able to stay in my family (husband and two daughters).

It does make a huge difference. My first Pdoc was amazing, i stayed with him till he retired. My new Pdoc leaves so much to be desired, i dont even bother seeing him anymore. And hamster your right, in Canada at least in my city, its hard to just switch psychiatrists. You can pick and choose your own GP tho. If i wnt a new pdoc I have to go through a written process, apply and have reason, zinc. I live in a small area with not many pdocsthe others are all full.

Apparantly because i'm being ordered to by cps... I just re-read some paperwork. I'm being ordered to continue seeing current pdoc and follow any/all she instructs. And if I tell her about this manic episode I'm in right now, i'm sure she'll change dx to bpI... then what? i'm not interested in changing my meds right now.

When I was in my late teens I took myself off my SSRI because it wasn't really working and I thought I "had it licked." For a long time. Looking back I think I had a long semi-hypomanic episode, because I went along for years on nothing, very self-righteous/ "You don't have to use meds, use positive affirmations/metaphysical stuff" etc. I'm very ashamed of how I was then.

When I became medicated again, I noticed a difference though it took awhile. I had a brief stint of being sexually "loose" (I don't say promiscuous because I wasn't involved with many ppl)....I lost the inhibition/fear of pregnancy, STD's, etc. I was NEVER like that before in my life. And yet I didn't mind it one bit. It was dangerous, though luckily I got through it unscathed. The meds helped that. When I let my Paxil lapse three days without getting it refilled, I began having hypomania/irritation so bad I thought I would lose control. Got the Rx filled, and that subsided.

I've talked about the frustration of meds extensively with my P-doc. The way he explained it, "Doctors don't ever FIX anything. Aside from surgeons, we only treat. Even bones mend themselves; docs only set them. Unfortunately this is the best we have right now at treating mental illness. There was a time people thought "bleeding" people and throwing them into asylums was the best way to "treat" them."

Do I enjoy taking meds? Not one damn bit. In fact I resent it. But I know what will happen if I don't take them, and the results are borderline destructive, as well as world-shattering, at least for me. I have to say a lot of what comes into play, I think, is one's biochemical makeup. My brain is treatment-resistant, for example; I've gone through over 20 meds in less than 5 years. Some people find what's going on with them can be alleviated with one med, the first time. And too, there's genes. Chronic anxiety/panic attacks/social phobias run heavily through my dad and his family, and unfortunately I've got that, which is just hard to tackle, meds or not. If my anxiety was better under wraps, I'd be doing better. But (gratefully I say) my P-doc has seen enough slow improvement in the last few months that he's satisfied with the dosages; he's never been a "legal drug-pusher."

I basically second everyone else. For now, this is what I have at a chance at a semi-normal life. I do have a friend who's Bipolar I that in her early 40s was able to get off all her meds (hormone component there perhaps?). So yeah I know there's hope of that. But over half of my life has been mental and emotional chaos and hell; I'm taking what I can get to stay away from that.