I have been medicated, and medicated more. I don't want any more meds. I am depressed, and my pdoc believes he can medicate all of my symptoms away. I have let him try, but in the end I am bipolar and there is no cure.

I am overwhelmed and feel that there is no other choice other than be ignorant and pretend till this passes. either that or dwell in it.

I know I said I was leaving this board.. but I was angry. I'm not angry anymore and I just want someone to talk to.

[Moose72]

Hey there. I'm around right now. Just waiting for my youngest to get his shower before we go out.

I just need to hear that it's okay to stop fighting this. that this is normal and it's okay to give in and that it's okay to stop trying sometimes and let it be.

I am a fighter and I fight through... but i have nothing left but bouts of anger and depression. My pdoc got me believing that meds will cure me, and that if I feel this way i need more meds. but now I believe it's hopeless, regardless of what he says.

I want to give up now.

Is it really okay to do that?

hi moose

do you think it's okay to stop fighting the way I feel?

[Moose72]

Is it okay to give up? I think so. However, in this case, you must remember what will happen if you go off meds. Whenever I do, after a few days, I go into a mood episode. Might be mania, might be unexplainable sobbing, might be SI, might be paranoia and disassociation, hallucinations... you just never know. Do you really want to go through a sad, or scary, or even get yourself taken to the psych ER? It really can sneak up on you.

I don't want to go off meds. I just want to hear that it's normal to still get depressed and that I don't have to fight that anymore. that it will happen and that it doesn't mean that i need more meds and that I can accept that this is life and it won't change.

do you think that there is a combo of meds that will keep away the depression and the mania at the same time? that I can be even and if I get depressed or hypo that a med change can fix it?

right now I'm believing that meds just dampen the blow.

[Moose72]

You won't be moodless on meds- unless you have a weird side effect. You'll still have normal mood swings. Have they ever tried adding an antidepressant?

and i'm having a hard time living like this. I was supposed to be better now.

zoloft is an anti depressant

[Moose72]

Oh I didn't see it.

When was the last time the reevaluated your meds? And when is your next appointment?

i go every four weeks.. so maybe in two more weeks. Do you think I should keep letting him medicate me with more and more meds? I don't see an end to this. I am starting to believe that I am this way and there is nothing i or anyone can do about it.

are there really people that are symptom free? are there really others that don't get depressed like this? are there really people that can have energy without being hypo?

i'm sorry... I'm not seeing very many options in my life right now.

i just wanted to hear i'm normal for this and that things would be okay.

didn't mean to ask your ear off.

i'm scared to call pdoc and maybe i should call that 800 number.

i should go

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by landskaperdan

i go every four weeks.. so maybe in two more weeks. Do you think I should keep letting him medicate me with more and more meds? I don't see an end to this. I am starting to believe that I am this way and there is nothing i or anyone can do about it.

I think it takes a while to get the right combination. It does someetimes seem like it will take forever. Just hang in!

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by landskaperdan

are there really people that are symptom free? are there really others that don't get depressed like this? are there really people that can have energy without being hypo?

Yes. When you're in remission or don't have bipolar or your meds are tweaked just right. You'll make it there! It just seems like this part of your life will last forever. Keep working at getting the right med combo!

ok. i will call pdoc

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by landskaperdan

i'm sorry... I'm not seeing very many options in my life right now.

i just wanted to hear i'm normal for this and that things would be okay.

didn't mean to ask your ear off.

i'm scared to call pdoc and maybe i should call that 800 number.

i should go

Sorry I wasn't responding for a minute. Someone text messaged me and my kids aren't listening to me.

You ARE normal! You didn't ask my ear off. Far from it. I'm a little social and bouncy lately so its all good.

Don't be scared to call the pdoc. Its all very formal. Just call. You'll feel better. I promise.

thank you

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by landskaperdan

ok. i will call pdoc

I'm happy to read that. I'm going out for a bit but you keep posting if you need to and I will check this thread right when I get home.

thank you for talking with me

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by landskaperdan

thank you for talking with me

You're welcome. Don't worry- I'll be back. You make your call and it will be okay.

[Moose72]

OK. I'm back! What a trip to the grocery store. Saw the kids' dr. Got embarrassed. Returned bottles. Was a spider in the bag with the cans/bottles! It came out to play. Gah! Now home with Starbucks.

How did your phone call go?

[Tiger_Lily]

I'm sorry it's taking so long to find an effective cocktail. Even when (I'm being optimistic) you do, it doesn't completely remove cycling, so the idea of a cure isn't reasonable. It's OK to take a break from trying to recover for a little while to recharge. Are you seeing a T as well, or just the pdoc? I ask because meds are not the only solution and usually a combination of both meds and talk therapy is best, especially early after diagnosis. A T can help you accept the dx and what it might mean to your life as well as help you explore strategies to make your life better even when you are sick.