[hamster-bamster]

From an early age, I was made aware of the suicide. My mother told me that people who jump to their death start regretting and scream from regret on their way down (doubt that this is true). I knew a lot about torture. I have known words such as "impaling" for as long as I remember myself. Her family also talked to me about torture.

I keep wondering what she was thinking populating my imaginative mind with this sort of material...

I have no idea. It seems so odd.

I had a period in my life in my thirties when I would spend hours at night when everyone was asleep reading about different types of torture on Wikipedia, getting horrified by yet drawn to such reading.

Cannot think of any rational explanation why a mother would relate to her child in such a way.

What did it all mean?

Any ideas?

[manic most days]

Holy wow!!!! No idea what so ever... My children know I am bipolar and I explain it to them in the simplest forms that I know how. It is primarily my 11 and 7 year old with me as my oldest is dealing with his own legal and confusion on life problems that he full well blames on me.
I simply explain that mommy cannot stop sometimes until the kitchen is clean, or the bathroom etc. it is a sickness that I have that I wish would go away but it doesn't so we need to work together on dealing with it. Our trigger word in our house is mommy time out. If they think I need it they say it and I go no questions asked, we can either talk about it afterwards or not their call. Or sometimes I'm the one saying mommy time out with the same conditions. They full well know the safe is for my medicine that is VERY DANGEROUS to them. It kills me inside to think they have to deal with such a neurotic mother sometimes but hey atleast they ALWAYS have dinner and a clean house... I can't beat myself up over it because that makes it no better for them.
Is your mother BP or have any other things? Maybe she was sick and didn't know how to deal with it. It is not easy that is for sure

[Clinte89]

That does sound a bit off maybe she was trying to put in your mind how much worse things can be. I dont know though it sounds (no offense) a bit batty. Maybe she just liked thinking about torture and was possible a sadist or something. I couldnt imagine what that was like. My first gruesome thing I saw has stuck in my head and created nightmares for ages so I couldnt imagine what your imagination must be like because of that. Its a good question as to why she did that I agree with manic she may have mental health issues of her own with no idea of how to handle them.

[BlueInanna]

Are there any family members left in Europe or anything? Maybe there were relatives who sui'd (I just suggest it because we have it in my family tree) and she was trying to warn you or prepare you for the risk you were at to think about such things. Maybe she had battled those thoughts herself. Even still, some families will not discuss it straightforwardly. Some people really think it has to do with evil and such, and are afraid to admit that's how someone died, or for fear of how community will view their family.

And regarding the talk of torture, does not sound like good talk for around children. Was any of the family involved in the wars? maybe they had scarred memories.

My bf is german-american, his parents have accents. (I love their accents, I love any accents..) But his grandpa was in the nazi army, which makes me want to barf. And my 2 older kids are a quarter jewish. Sometimes I get paranoid like maybe this is part of why my bf hates my older son. The weird point I think I'm trying to say is that there are beliefs that trauma get passed down through our dna, something like that, for survival and evolution. Part of also why I think bf and I have some reason or karma to be played out.

[hamster-bamster]

She was diagnosed as manic depressive and she I am sure was borderline but was not dx'd that way. Sui did happen a bit distantly: her mother's first bf in HS committed sui. Out of the blue.

[MommaR]

My mother has an obsession with death and would drag me to open-casket funerals of ppl I had never even met (she knew them or at least a relative or something). Funerals are still usually open- casket and everyone remotely related to the family is expected to attend in the small community we live in. She berates me for not taking my children to funerals more often as this (in her way of thinking) is somehow supposed to de-sensitize them to death and make the death of the ppl they are really going to miss somehow easier to swallow. I remember going to my cousin's funeral- she died of polio before the vaccine wiped it out here- and being made to walk by and look at her in the casket. I swear, in my poor little 4 yo mind, I thought I saw her move! To this day I have nightmares about them burying her still alive.

Originally Posted by BlueInanna

My bf is german-american, his parents have accents. (I love their accents, I love any accents..) But his grandpa was in the nazi army, which makes me want to barf. And my 2 older kids are a quarter jewish. Sometimes I get paranoid like maybe this is part of why my bf hates my older son. The weird point I think I'm trying to say is that there are beliefs that trauma get passed down through our dna, something like that, for survival and evolution. Part of also why I think bf and I have some reason or karma to be played out.

Aww Blue, I am sorry. I have no idea about his grandpa, but my grandpa was also in that army, and he didn't exactly have a choice. And he was never able to talk about it. Pretty sure he had some bad PTSD as well. A lot of them had no choice.

Hamster mommaR might be onto something with that idea. Sometimes I think the way we handle death in my culture anyways, is a little weird. Could be a cultural thing too, her trying to handle it maybe... I don't know.

The torture thing, well that's a little weird. My in-laws are from Vietnam, they fled here but the stories they have told their children are horrible, but I think they ( the parents ) were so desensitized to all of it. I don't know if it's something like that maybe.
They also handle death differently, their living is filled with framed pictures of dead family members. A little weird to walk into if you haven't seen something like it before. My mom does this also, and keeps them in an album, so I was used to seeing the photos when i was a kid. I have to admit, walking into a living room full of them even shocked me a bit.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by MommaR

...as this (in her way of thinking) is somehow supposed to de-sensitize them to death and make the death of the ppl they are really going to miss somehow easier to swallow.

like they say, careful what you wish for, you might get it? I'm totally desensitized alright.

[Victoria'smom]

My son knows about several things that kids his age do not. Why? I feel it's for his safety. Things that I need to know about if it happens, "strange" feelings thoughts, SI, drugs, and sex. All of these topics have come up as needed. Why? by 9 myself, husband or he was dealing with these topics. So we needed to open a line of communication rather young. These topics regularly come up in our home. It doesn't mean we say anything inappropriate just answered his question as honestly as possible then move on.

As for suicide I think your mom was trying to scare you. As for torture I know at lease one person doesn't realize it's not a common topic and will freely talk about it like someone would talk about the weather, or a recipe. It's worse when she's hypo-manic, the little girl has problems, but I love her.

[hamster-bamster]

Interestingly, when it came to real death, my mother tried to shelter me in what I still think was an inappropriate way. I still feel robbed.

My paternal greatgrandmother died in another city. She was 93. She was an angel of a woman. She died after a long battle with cancer of the esophagus. And my father disappeared. Only after he returned home did I find out about her death. I learned that he had wanted to take me with him to the funeral, and I think that would have been the right choice. I do not remember exactly my age - 10 or 11, but I remember the date of death since it was Valentine's Day. At 10 or 11, a child is ready to take part in a family ceremony of saying "good bye". My mother did not think so. I feel excluded and, as I said, robbed, to this day. I happen to have several pretty plates from that greatgrandmother (god knows how they have survived my many moves, but they have) and I often remember her fondly. She was my only living greatgrandparent.

[nicoleb2]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

Interestingly, when it came to real death, my mother tried to shelter me in what I still think was an inappropriate way. I still feel robbed.

My brother was 4 when my uncle died, that was 29 years ago. He still talks about the fact he wasn't allowed to attend the funeral.

My own kids, now 7 and 10 attended my mom's funeral. They were 3 and 6 at the time. Some people thought they were too young to attend, but I felt that they should be given a chance to say goodbye too. We read age appropriate books about grief and loss, and they attended and said their goodbyes.

I don't think children should be denied the closure we as adults get from funerals.