[tallwaters]

I had a realization about some behavior in the past and even now. My brother who is forever talking about the past. So annoying. He was laughing at the time i threw my then husbands tools away. I was laughing along and then it hit me. All the times I was impulsive. Compulsive had bad judgement. I crossed boundries. Disrespected people. The list goes on. I was manic when i acted on these things! Not so amusing! I feel ashamed and remorseful and I dont want anyone getting a kick off of my illness. I want to make amends where I can in time. Hanging my head really im no joke.

[beauflow]

((Tallwaters)) Behavior... behavior can be changed-- it may take a long time, and some real effort but it can be changed.

I think, it is a good thing that you have realized what you have here, however- please do not dwell feeling bad, try to find a solution (as it sounds as you have) and keep on that solution on how to make amends with in times as you have already mentioned.

It does not mean that everyone in the past will forgive you depending on all what you have done, I am sure many will with explaining and if you are in treatment now and getting better- I am sure many will, however there are always some that will not even how sorry or explaining of what happened that you do for them.

you are right, you are not a joke- none of us are- no matter what our dx's are. we all have made mistakes, some big, some small, some yet to be realized for others.

Many hugs to you and good thoughts your way for your journey

Don't beat yourself up, please. The best way to make amneds, in my opinion, is to monitor yourself from doing any more of the behavior that you don't like. What is done is done, but if you have changed and become a better person for it, then that is the whole point, right?

I would say, give credit to those who you have hurt in the past for being a better person, and you can even tell them that, and I believe that by doing so, you would have made the amnends you are looking for!

Learning to forgive/accept yourself is one of the hardest things to do. But instead of searching for forgiveness from others, please try to forgive yourself first. Once you do, things will change and you will be in a better place to do something about past behvior.

[faerie_moon_x]

First off, you're not a joke, that's for sure. Secondly, I agree with Dan that you shouldn't beat yourself up. And third, sometimes we have to learn to laugh at ourselves because finding humor in something bad can actually be healing, so don't feel bad that you laughed at first. I'm a big believer in the healing power of laughter and humor.

So to make amends, you will get to a point where you can make amends with some people and others you won't be able. I don't know if you're still in contact with your ex-husband, but maybe apologizing will help you feel better about it. As for your brother, talk to him about it and let him know what your'e feeling and thinking. Tell him, maybe it seems funny now, but you actually realize that you hurt your ex by doing that, and it isn't something you feel is funny. Maybe also tell him there are things you would rather leave in the past.

[Vigodits]

My strategy has been to laugh. Self deprecating humor gets me through. I have pulled some real boners and have provided many laughs for my contemporaries. If I felt ashamed,I kept it to myself and laughed heartily. It is the only way I can keep some sort of ground under my feet