resilience

...I'm never much surprised what goes on here.!

how strong we are inside all the time and beyond what happens it starts and it never finishes it goes most of the way but it never makes it all the way it wants to it tries to it wants to it almost gets there and then it bounces back and this...

ridiculous passionate exercise is exhausting and the clean air gets inside and the sun is back and I forgot what happened and I can no longer account for it and off I go again accidently punishing myself with emotions I cannot handle

the strength defies my instinct the spirit is bigger than me I want to kill it but it holds me close when I need a rest from the madness

we are a team...me and the angel on my back...

but I often wish it would leave me be

my old therapist talked to me about the importance of resilience... at first it made me mad... she was saying resilience is key to surviving... saying why some siblings from the same home might experience the same things, like abuse or instability, differently and one might grow up fine, another might end up an addict.. made me feel like, ok so my son who became an addict is defective in the resilience department? that hurt i didnt like it.

but then she explained resilience can be worked as a skill...and it made sense. but someone like my son has to want to get better for it to work

your son Bluey C....he has his own mind his own experience....he is superbly resilient according to his abilitiies his perception his understanding....

the love from his dearest mother is not a factor here it's the baby the boy the man he knows what I mean it's the things he clenches his fists in private and the tears he drops when you aint looking this is him all his stuff....

he loves you

I never wanted to get better until I discovered that the things around me won't either......and thats the emotional landscape beyond you Bluey C...

you are a good mum....

he loves you

you are universally lovable

I would love you if I was your boy

it's all ok