[treehugger727]

Hi,

So I was diagnosed about 2 weeks ago with BP2. From about September of last year to about 2-2 1/2 months ago I was the golden child, then all of a sudden- I am the red-headed step child. For 2-21/2 months I was having serious issues with my boss, mostly him choosing to single me out in meetings, cc-ing all of my coworkers on emails I sent only to him and responding in an unprofessional manner (all caps, very rude comments, telling me I needed to improve but not allowing me a meeting to discuss specifics for my development, etc.) and the environment seemed hostile. I was actually approached by other coworkers who expressed concern because they felt I was being treated unfairly (this makes me feel that it was not a perception thing on my end- that it was obvious to others that something was not right with the relationship.) This prompted me to seek other employment opportunities.

The past three to four weeks have been a lot better and now I am getting interviews. I have one tomorrow and one next week and now I am freaking out. Things have improved at work lately, he has not been a butt- he is acting almost like his old self. BUT now I am not sure if I should go on the interviews I just can't seem to get a grip on how I feel about the whole thing. A part of me wants to go in a new direction but another part of me hesitates to start something new, especially in light of my recent dx. I am trying to not be impulsive and make rash decisions but now I don't know what I want. I just feel really confused. I just started my meds two days ago and I am not sure how they will make me feel. I have noticed that recently I am really lacking focus and feel very much all over the place.

Any words of wisdom on how to sort all of this out? Meh.

[faerie_moon_x]

Well, it isn't goo for you to work in an environment where things can suddenly shift and change like that. Sudden changes can be very triggering for people with BP, especially hostile changes (although that's true of most people.) But we're more sensitive to that and much more likely to respond impulsively. Plus if you get triggered you can go into a whirlwind of difficulty.

My advice is to not say anything and go to the interviews. You are also interviewing them, remember. Get an idea if the company is something good or not. It doesn't mean that you have to takea job if it feels wrong. But if you find a good fit it might not be a bad idea to move on.

Lacking focus is one of my major symptoms. I'm all over the place pretty much all the time.

[OutlawedSpirit]

You know, I know where you are coming from going from golden child to red-headed step-child. I know waaaayyyyy to well. As far as what to do about your job, going to the interviews doesn't bind you to a decision yet. It doesn't hurt to go and see what you think of the people, what they have to offer, etc. Maybe you'll go and decide they have nothing to offer you want, or you don't go and spend forever asking yourself "what if?".

[treehugger727]

Thanks, Dark Heart. I guess you are right and going on the interviews certainly can't hurt. I think that I am somewhat over complicating things for myself and am not really sure how to stop doing that.

The lack of focus is crazy lately. I can't seem to get any of my work for school done on time this week and that scares me because I make good grades but for some reason I can't seem to comprehend assignments and forum topics (online school). I am considering dropping the class because I am not sure if it is just the timing that is making this difficult. Last week I had a final due and must have been on an upswing because I ripped out a final research paper in such a small amount of time that it made my head spin and this week I can't seem to comprehend the words on the rubric. Not sure if there are any strategies that you use to help focus that may help me, too? I am open to any non-invasive suggestions you may have
Phew. Thanks for allowing the vent.

[faerie_moon_x]

Well, I have no suggestions other than you need to get in to see your pdoc and let them know about it. You may need meds if you're not on them and if you're on them you might need adjustments.

I'm no on meds or anything and I can't overcome it. It's just one of those things, I'm always a mess. I try, but mostly I just lumber along and keep my head down. If I was in school I'd be screwed.

That's a lot all at one time. I agree with the others, why not see what these prospective employers could offer you, and if it would be a better fit.

Plus school, and new dx, new meds. That is a lot on your plate, might be contributing to the lack of focus as well.

I have lack of focus often, get overwhelmed easy, and have problems making decisions.

Maybe there is a way you can break this into small chunks, try not to dwell on the overall picture, but just what is right in front of you that moment. I'm not saying abandon the big picture, just maybe have it as the background theme, like on your computer screen, with all the small icons in the forefront.

I think I would approach it this way.. job and interviews.. do them, see what happens and how you feel, and then make the choice. You have a job at the moment so you have a little time to figure out what you really want.

The school... again I would focus on what is right at the moment and not dwell on if I can or can't do it. Just focus on the project that is right now. Then the next and the next. Maybe trying to set routine study habits and finding ways to organize this might help. I know you said you are having trouble focusing (and I keep saying focus ) so that's a bit challenging. Hopefully that will start to improve again for you quickly. There are also lots of apps if you have a cell phone to help keep organized and might help you keep focused. Evernote is a good one.

And then dealing with a new dx, meds ect, same thing small pieces at a time. Are you tracking your moods with a mood chart? In the beginning this can be very helpful, you can track your moods and the meds at the same time, it can really help you work out any patterns with the bipolar, and how the meds are helping.

I hope you figure this all out. And that you don't have too much trouble, just trust in yourself to know what is best for you, whether that be continuing with school or not, taking a break from it even. And your work, I hope something pans out.

Mindfulness might be a big help. I don't know if you already practice this or not.

is a pretty good video.

Welcome to PC , nice to have you here!