[constantdreamer]

So, I wrote something to submit to various places like newspapers and stuff like that... I'd like to get some feedback before I do so... Also if anyone has any suggestions on where to send it as well...

You may have encountered me or a parent like me... A parent that possibly in your opinion doesn't know how to control their kid... I'm not saying that every “normal looking child” that still has temper tantrums past an appropriate age has a neurological disorder like my son does that causes him to have kind of an emotional seizure... These episodes are made worse by doing certain things like not remaining calm, yelling, threatening, etc...
To get through a necessary trip to the grocery store, you have to be able to remain calm, because a simple “no” can bring it on... Myself and most parents of Bipolar children don't give in to everything, but chose their battles very wisely... If the way the child can get through the trip without a major loss of control is to move around more than the other kids in the store, act babyish or like an animal, we don't correct that behavior, (because in my opinion, it's not harming anyone) but at the same time, we don't give it any extra attention...
When people make comments, it not only scares the child later, when he can process what, if anything, that he remembers from the episode, but it also can affect the innocent siblings that may be present. Making them feel even more embarrassed and alienated than they already do... It definitely hurts my children's feelings when they hear or even perceive that some person is believing that their mom (and/or dad) is a bad parent(s). At only the preteen age, they can read the expressions on people's disapproving faces just as well as adults can, but don't have the life experiences to just let it roll off their backs when they know that there is a real medical problem that causes the behaviors that everyone is witnessing...
Please next time before you judge, I just want to raise some awareness to what it's like to raise a Bipolar child... The following websites provide some information to not only those who are needing answers and support, but has helpful insights to anyone who cares to take the time to check it out... www.bipolarchild.com www.bpkids.org www.jbrf.org

[cocoabeans]

Well, if you want honesty...I warned you.

Emotional seizures? No. This not an informative description.

Use periods. Fix your grammar.

Bipolar isn't a proper noun.

A personal story about a specific incident would be much more interesting and a lot less preachy and give a better description of what is going on in your family.

Opinion should not be italicized. I know a lot of people have an idea that an opinion can be formed on absolutely no basis but, they're not. You can't dismiss opinions like that. Opinions matter.

If I didn't know better, and we can assume your target audience does not, I'd be thinking, "this is just some foolish mom who watches too much Dr. Phil, medicates her kids because she can't discipline them and wants me to stop judging her poor behavior. Bipolar? Riiiight. The new ADHD."

[faerie_moon_x]

I think it is a good idea to write such a letter, but you do need to work on a few things before sending it in. Cocoa already gave you the technical suggestions. Also, though, in forum posts I know I use the "..." a lot, but if you're submitting this somewhere, it is best to use proper punctuation. Don't forget the grammar and punctuation police are out there to dimiss anything they read if it includes incorrect English writing techniques.

Also, I agree that people will easily dismiss this as soon as they read "bipolar." To most people bipolar is a fake illness, the new "Hollywood illness" and "Everyone Wants to Be Speical," illness. I know that we need to educate, so I don't say to let that hinder you. But, especially if you post it somewhere that can receive comments, expect a lot of negative feedback from the "I think I know everything an am more intelligant than you" masses.

[eloquentdisaster]

All right...
I would get right of the italics and quotes. The italics make you come across too strong, the quote around “normal looking child” make you sound defensive and critical at people's inability to spot a disorder in someone who doesn't overtly present.

"...past an appropriate age has a neurological disorder like my son does that..." Comma between 'disorder' and 'like' and after 'does.' 'Emotional seizure' is confusing. What does that mean? Instead, perhaps elaborate on it, be specific with what is actually does to him. Remember that the majority of your audience is probably not as informed about mental illness as you are. You deal with it, learn about it, not all of them do.

Get rid of the ellipses (...). They give the feeling that everyone should be reading more into the sentences than they actually are. You want to be clear in articles.
As well, don't add 'ect.' Either cut the sentence off there, replace it with 'and many other symptoms' or explain the other symptoms he has. 'Ect' sounds lazy.

"To get through a necessary trip to the grocery store, you have to be able to remain calm, because a simple “no” can bring it on..." Bring what on? As Cocoa said, give more specifics about your experiences. It makes the piece more relatable.

When you say 'acts babyish or like an animal' it sounds very negative. I assume your goal with this is to raise awareness that it isn't the child (or parent's) fault. Using terms like these sounds belittling. I would find a different, more explanatory way to relate the behaviour.

I would get rid of 'In my opinion, it isn't harming anybody.' It sounds preachy and defensive.

"but it also can affect the innocent siblings that may be present. Making them feel even more embarrassed and alienated than they already do" This should not be two sentences, it is the same thought.

"...their mom (and/or dad) is a bad parent(s)." That sentence sounds overcomplicated. I would just say 'their parents are bad parents' or 'doing a bad job' or something.

"Please next time before you judge, I just want to raise some awareness..." Comma after please, and 'Please, next time before you judge' should be its own sentence. It doesn't work in the same sentence with 'I just want to raise some awareness..."

Also, just as an overall, you have a lot of very long sentences with few shorter ones. This makes your piece harder to read, as there many times is more than one idea being given in a sentence.

I hope you don't think I was too harsh. I do really like the idea of what you're doing. It is very important for awareness to be spread about mental illnesses, and for the parent's of mentally ill children to get support. I really like that you add additional resources for people interested in further reading. This does need work, but its headed in the right direction.

[BlueInanna]

Good for you constantdreamer, to reach out to the public to raise awareness of bp kids. And thank you for trusting us with the opportunity to provide editorial feedback.

The three ladies above amaze me, make me want to get back into writing again. Even make the idea of writing courses interesting to me.

My basic idea is that, if I wanted to get a message across to the ignorant masses who judge our beautiful bp kids. I'd say appeal to their emotions, tell it as a story, "you're trip to the grocery store" (but a catchier title or posed as a question)

tell them about your skill/experience as a parent, e.g. you know how to discipline you're children, but each child is unique and requires a different style, etc.

tell more about this unique child and his positive qualities, how he draws or paints, or how many extra hugs he needs compared to the other children (this is what my bp son is like)

tell some specific story about what / how the other children react do say when they see the harsh glares of the onlookers (i know this one too well )

again, thanks for sharing, and please keep us posted on how it's going.

[constantdreamer]

I really appreciate all of the helpful advice This was my rough draft written very late one night after holding my oldest, while she was crying about how much it hurt her to feel the judgmental stares from strangers. I know it needs work. I, unfortunately, am adrenalin crashing, so I need as much constructive criticism as I can get. That's why I copied and pasted it from word to get the kinds of suggestions that you guys gave me. Thanks!!!

[BlueInanna]

Originally Posted by constantdreamer

I really appreciate all of the helpful advice This was my rough draft written very late one night after holding my oldest, while she was crying about how much it hurt her to feel the judgmental stares from strangers. I know it needs work. I, unfortunately, am adrenalin crashing, so I need as much constructive criticism as I can get. That's why I copied and pasted it from word to get the kinds of suggestions that you guys gave me. Thanks!!!

i've done the same thing, held and hugged my younger son because he feels/knows we are so judged by the community because of his older brother's bp, mainly the rage and tantrums, police and ambulences coming when he has a suicide attempt (older son). i found a paper from school where younger son wrote that he doesn't like to have friends over , we don't have his friends over, we can't because older brother is 16 and violent and the whole town knows too. the president of the pta is my next door neighbor . she sent me a text last week that infuriated me, "is everything ok over there, we heard a lot of screaming." i wrote back, "yes we're ok, thank you, and sorry for the noise." no response from her back, like offering help or support, she was merely patronizing me. I do understand loud neighbors (my bp family) can be annoying, but that woman is an ***-hole.

[constantdreamer]

Thanks guys for making me feel so much less alone in what feels like my fight against the world, when I am just trying to help my family feel a little better
Anyways, here is my second draft, incorporating the great suggestions I was offered here...

You may have encountered me or a parent like me. A parent that possibly, in your opinion, doesn't know how to control their kid. I'm not saying that every normal looking child that still has temper tantrums past an appropriate age has a diagnosed neurological disorder, like my son does, that causes him to have kind of an emotional seizure. He can go into a primal rage, like an animal fighting for his life, during which, nothing can get through to him. These episodes are made worse by doing certain things like not remaining calm, yelling, and threatening. Those types of things that work for most children, do not for these children. In fact, it can make their fight for survival more intense, more dangerous for themselves and anyone who is a perceived threat to them. Not only do they make things worse, but they do nothing to help. There is nothing that will get through to them, not even bribing. Medications can help, but there is currently no cure. Also, these treatments are not perfect, even with these hard-core medications, they often still have violent, destructive rages that can include attacking anyone and everyone in their path. This is particularly apparent during med trials and dosage adjustments. In childhood, this happens quite often due to growth spurts.
To get through a necessary trip to the grocery store, you have to be able to remain calm, because a simple “no” can bring on an episode of punching, kicking, biting, scratching and other such behaviors. Myself and most parents of bipolar children don't give in to everything, but chose their battles very wisely. If the way the child can get through the trip without a major loss of control is to move around more than the other kids in the store, or distance themselves from the stressful situation by becoming clingy or pretending to be an animal, we don't correct that behavior, because it's not harming anyone, but at the same time, we don't give it any extra attention.
Even when you take your kids to do something fun, these violent episodes can occur. During a recent trip to the circus, I warned my kids that I didn't have any money for anything while we were there before hand. All of the kids understood that and I brought snacks to have in the car before and after the event. During the circus, the one child that has bipolar swung into a manic state, and demanded that he needed to buy something. I firmly stood my ground, and got attacked by my son that was cuddling with me moments before. He was punching, screaming, scratching, biting, and kicking me. Everyone was staring, I told my older children to watch my youngest, and marched him, with his hands held behind his back out the door to attempt to calm him. I didn't want this to become another reason for my other kids to resent their brother, so when he calmed down, I brought him back to our seats. He was fine until he saw my daughter who had her own money had purchased a drink. That sent him into another rage. Thankfully it was near the end, and my other kids got to see the rest. They did walk away with emotional scars, though, extremely embarrassed by their brother's behaviors and hurt by the various reactions of the other patrons.
When people make comments, it not only scares the child later, when he can process what, if anything, that he remembers from the episode, but it also can affect the innocent siblings that may be present. Making them feel even more embarrassed and alienated than they already do. It definitely hurts my children's feelings when they hear or even perceive that some person is believing that their parents are bad parents. At only the preteen age, they can read the expressions on people's disapproving faces just as well as adults can, but don't have the life experiences to just let it roll off their backs when they know that there is a real medical problem that causes the behaviors that everyone is witnessing. They know the truth, because the way that they get parented is extremely different than the child with the disorder. They know first hand that their mom's true parenting nature is tough as nails when need be. In fact, in my daughter's mother's day card to me, the first line was “I like your strict but kind act.”
Please next time before you judge, consider that there just might be a reason behind these behaviors. I just want to raise some awareness to what it's like to raise a bipolar child. The following websites provide some information to not only those who are needing answers and support, but has helpful insights to anyone who cares to take the time to check it out.
www.bipolarchild.com
www.bpkids.org
www.jbrf.org