[tnlibrarian]

I wrote a post about this but I don't think it actually posted.

It's been two years since I was diagnosed with bipolar during a stay at a psych hospital. I was admitted due to being suicidal. Since then I've avoided another trip to the hospital. I've come close but have avoided a trip.

I'm having problems that have, for the first time ever, resulted in my husband pretty much insisting that I call my psych if things don't improve by Monday. I'm having crying spells, flying off the handle, swinging between not being able to sleep and not wanting to even get out of bed. I'm not suicidal but today I started having very fleeting thoughts of hurting myself. He is leaving for business this weekend and won't be back until Wednesday. Until he gets back Ativan is probably going to be my best friend.

I don't want to call because it still scares me to death to think about going into the hospital. We can't afford it, my one year old will not deal with me being gone, it's going to be stressful for all my kids and husband overall, and if my parents find out they will raise hell for months. Granted, I have thought about the simple fact that it will provide me with a much needed break to get better. I'll be able to sleep, rest, talk to people about what is going on and get the help I need. I'm thinking about asking to go into the intensive outpatient program but childcare could be an issue---three to four hours per day, three to four times per week, four to eight weeks. My husband says he can work out a schedule with his supervisor so he can keep our youngest or all three, as the case may be, but I just feel weird about him having to talk to his supervisor about this. I don't want to meet his supervisor and have the guy looking at me thinking, "Poor guy. There's his crazy wife."

Does this asking for help and accepting help thing get better? Does it get easier? Or is it always this massive, massive ordeal?

[junkDNA]

acknowledgment and acceptance are the first steps to contemplating change

[Kahrey]

I have a problem with it too. Partially because I went to the hospital because I couldn't quit cutting myself and thought some company and maybe something to calm my anxiety would help. Unfortunately, I was stripped and made to wear scrubs, locked in a room for 14 hours, then finally picked up and strapped to a stretcher, and transported to a horrendous hospital. So my experience is so bad, that I never will go to the hospital for help again.

That said, I did try a support group, but I stopped going... It was so depressing and people would try to hug me, and I have a problem with being touched. I think I offended a lot of people, so...

I've been sticking to this place, and I have a couple of friends who knows what it means when I text and say, "Talk to me for a minute." We'll discuss something random and it helps more than they'll probably ever know.

Please understand I am NOT encouraging you to not get help. You just have to find ways of help that fit you and your needs. But you do have to put yourself first. You have to get better. That's the bottom line.

[~Christina]

Becca

Im sorry your feeling so bad. You have been fighting a long time now. It is ok to ask for help .. YOU deserve to get whatever help you need whether it be inpatient outpatient or anything in between.

If your husband has to rearrange his schedule so be it .. He is the father of your children he can care for them also. Dont worry about what his supervisor is going to think. Right now you need to focus on YOU .

I hope you can just reach out for the help you need , You need a break

Take care of you so you can take care of everyone else once your feeling better.

Remember PM me any time

[roads]

I've been thinking about you, Becca--I'm so glad to hear from you tonight. Your husband seems to be consistent support for you. Maybe that's your secret to making it all this time, without having to return to the hospital.

Please consider Christina's excellent point, however. Your husband's boss may well respect him too much to ever look down on the woman he obviously works so hard to support. Don't stay home, out of the hospital, simply because you have the will power/mental fortitude to "make" it happen. Later, it may not be as easy for your husband to rearrange things ... right now may be exactly the best time for you to go in the hospital as an inpatient for a complete tuneup.
I think accepting help gets easier when you begin realizing how much better you can be when you care for yourself more quickly and people respond by being grateful that you let them help. It takes some getting used to ... it's not something that "makes sense" in a normal sort of way.

You seem lots better overall. You always did seem intuitive about your meds.

Roadie

[dragonfly2]

Also please remember that, as long as your husband has been with his company for 12 months and there are at least 50 people working for the company, they are required to provide him with the time off to care for you and your family during your times of illness under the Family Medical Leave Act for up to 12 weeks a year.

I completely understand where you're coming from in not wanting to go to the hospital and upset the proverbial apple cart, but you know what? You're the one who largely keeps that apple cart going and you're simply not able to do that right now. I am very worried for you, thinking about you being alone this weekend. Things can go south very quickly when you're feeling as unwell as you are. Please, get to the hospital today. Your husband's work will simply need to adjust. What if you had some sort of accident or some "traditional" physical illness (keeping in mind that bipolar IS a physical illness) - he'd have no choice but to stay home. You're too important to not get the care you need.

To answer your question... YES! It does get tremendously easier to ask for help, but you have to get the ball rolling first. Once you have asked for help and have gone through all the anxiety and fear... it becomes so much easier in the future. Good luck!

[Giabrina]

Yes, it does get easier and I urge you to ask for the help. It sounds as if your husband is very supportive which is a good thing. I understand your point about your parents getting mad, but you know what? They will get over it. And your kids will survive without you temporarily. They will have a new, improved Mommy when you get back!

[Berly0384]

YES!!!!!! I'm an addict as well so na n aa has taught me how to ask for help. I suggest that if bipolar is ur only issue to seek out bipolar support groups in ur area. U can find these by going on nami and dbsa websites and by contacting ur local mental health agency. U could also find counseling and medication treatment. Free counseling or low cost can be found on psychology today's website or ur local mental health agency. Please make some phone calls and grow ur support network with bipolar we need this. It is great to have support cuz bipolar is such a tricky illness that lies to u constantly through ur thoughts etc. Hospital stays have only been beneficial to me once and I've been there four times....don't be to hard on itself we have all been there and we love u here and understand what u r going through. Great job reaching out for help here. Keep up the good work and keep reaching out. Remember that ur pain is only temporary even though it feels like it's not it will pass I promise. It has for me. Keep trudging u will get through this. If u feel suicidal call ur local suicide helpline they will help too. Hope this helps. Good luck and god bless. Hugs berly

[moremi]

Originally Posted by tnlibrarian

I wrote a post about this but I don't think it actually posted.

It's been two years since I was diagnosed with bipolar during a stay at a psych hospital. I was admitted due to being suicidal. Since then I've avoided another trip to the hospital. I've come close but have avoided a trip.

I'm having problems that have, for the first time ever, resulted in my husband pretty much insisting that I call my psych if things don't improve by Monday. I'm having crying spells, flying off the handle, swinging between not being able to sleep and not wanting to even get out of bed. I'm not suicidal but today I started having very fleeting thoughts of hurting myself. He is leaving for business this weekend and won't be back until Wednesday. Until he gets back Ativan is probably going to be my best friend.

I don't want to call because it still scares me to death to think about going into the hospital. We can't afford it, my one year old will not deal with me being gone, it's going to be stressful for all my kids and husband overall, and if my parents find out they will raise hell for months. Granted, I have thought about the simple fact that it will provide me with a much needed break to get better. I'll be able to sleep, rest, talk to people about what is going on and get the help I need. I'm thinking about asking to go into the intensive outpatient program but childcare could be an issue---three to four hours per day, three to four times per week, four to eight weeks. My husband says he can work out a schedule with his supervisor so he can keep our youngest or all three, as the case may be, but I just feel weird about him having to talk to his supervisor about this. I don't want to meet his supervisor and have the guy looking at me thinking, "Poor guy. There's his crazy wife."

Does this asking for help and accepting help thing get better? Does it get easier? Or is it always this massive, massive ordeal?

I would love to know the same thing. I have had that problem my whole life. I expect people to know when I need help. Thats awful and sometimes get upset when they dont offer. Such as with housework with the kids and my husband. I am horrible I cant ask any one for anything.

[BipolaRNurse]

Since I was diagnosed (six months ago today), I've finally learned to ask for help sooner rather than later.......a skill that eluded me for the first 53 years of my life. The process does slip every so often, but when it comes to my mental health I no longer wait for disaster to strike, I call my pdoc and ask him to help me sort things out.

I figure this is my very best chance to live my very best life with this disorder, and I want to get it right. I've come to be a pretty strong believer in the 'kindling' theory of bipolar, which essentially means the more you try to ignore it and the more episodes you have, the more likely it is that you'll just keep having them and getting worse with time. BP got the drop on me many years ago, so I'm probably running out of time....which means I have to take care of myself to avoid losing my battle with the disorder.

Just recently, my pdoc and I tried a little experiment with going off Zyprexa to see if I could manage without a drug that put about 18 pounds on me and threw my diabetes out of control. He warned me that I'd likely have a few nights of rough sleep, but I never expected to switch into hypomania within 72 hours of my last dose! But I did, so I called him to let him know what had happened. I told him I was absolutely shocked that I'd flipped so quickly, and he said he was NOT shocked and indeed expected it, though he'd hoped I'd be able to come off the Z. So we learned two things: one, I really can't manage without an antipsychotic, and two, he can trust me NOT to wait until I'm swinging from the chandelier to holler for help.

In short: YES, it does get easier. Asking for help is never enjoyable, but it's necessary sometimes, and we'd better learn how to swallow our pride or we just won't do well.