[hamster-bamster]

I have never been drunk in my life. I do not enjoy alcohol. It does nothing for me - nothing mind altering, nothing pleasant. Well, wine sometimes has a pleasant taste, but I can live without it. Fruit tastes better. Brandy gives a pleasant "burning" sensation in the throat - nice, but again I can live without it. Nothing to make me understand how people cannot live without it.

What does it do to you that draws you in? If you self-medicate, what feelings does alcohol cause? What sensations?

If you are addicted, how do you experience it? What makes it impossible to stop after a small dose?

[mojave_rose8]

I was a heavy drinker for about four years. Toward the end, I met the criteria for alcoholism I’d say – I probably got drunk 95% of the nights for two years. If I didn’t get smashed at the bar, I would get smashed at home – I could easily drink a bottle of wine and most of a second.

Alcohol made me euphoric, but in a mellow away. It erased all anxiety. I enjoyed music more (yes, really). It was like seeing the world through a different lens. Everything seemed more interesting, even the most mundane of people or situations.

Then, I would get completely drunk, and would have to sleep immediately. That part wasn’t as fun, but I would sleep within minutes )no insomnia!!). It happened more in the early days of my drinking. Toward the end, when I had built up significant tolerance, I would drink until 4:00AM and listen to music.

I didn’t stop at one or two drinks because I drank for the sole purpose of getting drunk – of losing consciousness (not literally) – of forgetting – of dulling my emotions. I never blacked out, though.

I have tried many other mind-altering substances, and alcohol was probably my favorite. (I loved stimulants, but they’re not legal and cost too much. Unlike stimulants, there is no comedown with alcohol. And it’s oh so easy to get it.)

I quit drinking entirely on my own, and haven’t had a drink for around fifteen months. I honestly don’t miss it.

"What does it do to you that draws you in? If you self-medicate, what feelings does alcohol cause? What sensations?"

It erases all of my inhibitions. I can't sit at home and get drunk off beer. I have to go to the bar and drink liquor and dance and sing and "have fun". It erases any anxiety, insecurities, and makes me feel free. It makes me stop caring.

"If you are addicted, how do you experience it? What makes it impossible to stop after a small dose?"

When I drink liquor, I don't stop 'til I blackout almost everytime. I lose control. I can't stop and I don't want to stop because I don't care about anything anymore. It is what it is and it's awful. I drink rarely but when I do, I binge and I need to stop.

I agree with much of what mojave has said also.

[Blue Poppy]

I have pretty much stopped drinking since my diagnosis. I was only a social drinker though.

When I did use alcohol during my illness period, it was when I was hypomanic. It seemed to calm everything down.

[manic most days]

I used to drink A LOT like 3-4 times a week and it helped me to not deal with the fact that my husband cheated on me and here I was back in this wretched town that I am in... Once I decided to go on meds it was a whole new ballgame the time I thought oh spaghetti, french bread and that raspberry wine I used to love so much... UGH EW in sparing the tmi for everyone the toilet and I were close close friends that night!! One glass...
I am on seroquil of course at that point it was 800 mg which is in half now but ew ya NOT going there again I can tell you that!!!

[moremi]

I am a recovering addict. Drug of choice is Xanax. I can remember running out of my pills and my body would start shaking and going through withdrawl and believe it or not if I would go to the fridge and this is sad I know but I would get 3 of my hubbys beers and down them and it would take the dt's away. Other than that I drank when I was hypo or manic, I didnt know it then but now I do. I could drink much more when hypo and seemed to enjoy myself a great deal but always ended up doing things I regreted the next day if I remembered the next day. I have never been much of a drinker if I am just on a normal day for me. I dont even like the taste of any alcohol. Everyone knows now that Im on my meds that I dont drink. Probably think im no fun anymore, not up on the pool table dancing the night away or giving lap dances or on the bar top. I think my husband is much happier though...

[Setso]

Nothing
Alcohol is bad yeah
Just makes dumb and sick, doesn't make happy...

[OutlawedSpirit]

I drink occasionally at family functions, cookouts and stuff, but I really enjoy drinking when I go to parties where I don't know a lot of people. Being around people I don't know really increases my anxiety, and drinking helps me "open up". It relaxes me and makes it easier for me to talk to people I don't know. Hopefully now that won't be as big of a deal, since the pdoc said my meds should reduce my anxiety, but I don't know yet. Have to wait and see.

[mojave_rose8]

You know, alcohol is the only "downer" I was ever able to tolerate.

Opiates always made me very sick, as did most of the benzos. (The only time benzos were beneficial was when I was coming down from a stimulant.)

Even pot made me feel nauseous and "off".

On the other hand, I liked every stimulant I ever tried (even caffeine! Haha). And while I suppose some manic and hypomanic people would abuse downers to take the edge off, I actually felt the times I did do downers when I was up I actually became MORE up.

Just a thought.

[OutlawedSpirit]

Originally Posted by mojave_rose8

And I suppose some manic and hypomanic people would abuse downers to take the edge off, I actually felt the times I did do downers when I was up I actually became MORE up.

Just a thought.

I never really thought about it, but I usually only drink when I'm up. If I'm down, I'm just "not in the mood". Maybe subconsciously I was trying to level myself out. I don't know, but definitely something to think about.

[mojave_rose8]

Originally Posted by OutlawedSpirit

I never really thought about it, but I usually only drink when I'm up. If I'm down, I'm just "not in the mood". Maybe subconsciously I was trying to level myself out. I don't know, but definitely something to think about.

I think before I drank ALL the time (read: 6-7 night a week, and NEVER less), I drank more when I was hypomanic. I think (for me) it had something to do with the impulsiveness that comes with a manic state.

But I guess I drank a lot when I was down, too, in an attempt to quiet the pain.

Maybe I just drank a lot, period.

[mojave_rose8]

And -- this is completely unrelated -- but a wise (drug-addict) once told me: "Alcohol makes you forget your problems, but coke makes you feel so confident you think you can solve them, until the high wears off and you realize you're much worse off than you were before."

I think this is a really accurate observation of the uppers vs. the downers.

[hamster-bamster]

Thank you for answering - I am starting to get an idea. Now I know why I have never given anyone a lap dance in my life! Now I know what I have been missing all along!

[mojave_rose8]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

Thank you for answering - I am starting to get an idea. Now I know why I have never given anyone a lap dance in my life! Now I know what I have been missing all along!

No problem.

Actually, alcohol is a horrible beast. I have seen FAR too many lives ruined by it -- even more so than drugs, although many (most?) of the alcoholics I know are also addicts.

The physical / neurological / mental damage that alcohol causes to the alcoholic can be truly terrifying. Cirrhosis of the liver is a horrible, horrible way to die. And some chronic alcoholics develop what is called "wet brain" -- basically, they enter a state of dementia and never recover, even if they stop drinking.

And I have seen people with the "shakes" (DTs). A person can die from alcohol withdrawal (but not from opiate withdrawal, although they might feel like they're dying).

And I had a friend who left the bar one night and pulled out into oncoming traffic. His car flipped six times and he died instantly.

It's one of the most depressing and destructive addictions, in my opinion.

[bluemountains]

For me, like some of the others, I prefer to drink alcohol when I am hypo. I guess it calms me down, somewhat. When I am depressed, I don't really care to drink. Sometimes in social situations, though, I find that some alcohol helps me to get through an event. I am not comfortable when with a group a people unless I know them very well.

[SillyKitty]

Before medication, it made me forget. I'd drink to get drunk. Then I'd either pass out or get really angry. Either was better than hurting. Basically used in the same way as self mutilation. Doesn't feel good. Just better. I'm in DDIOP now, and honestly going completely dry (alcohol and pills) is hard as hell. I'm smoking about three times as much. So now I'm just going to have lung cancer. *sigh*

[SillyKitty]

Really didn't mean to smile on that. Stupid touch screen.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by SillyKitty

Really didn't mean to smile on that. Stupid touch screen.

Try really vigorous cardiovascular exercise, preferably interval training. I have heard that it makes the desire to smoke go away entirely. To say nothing about the respiratory benefits of such exercise.